One last time

One last time

 

It's quiet in here.

Too quiet.

It's very disturbing.

The darkness, the cold.

I want to scream.

 

I stare at your photograph,

Wishing you were still here.

To stand beside me

In the midst of the void

 

It has been two years

Ever since the accident;

But your memory is still with me

The way you look, the way you sound,

And the way you saved me.

I wish I was the one who died,

Instead of you.

 

Nothing means anything to me

Since you're not here by my side.

 

I want to hold you again,

For just one last time.

I want to feel you again,

Your lips on mine.

 

Even if just for a moment,

Even if just for this one last time.

 

Reviews

[~Lizzy♬]

Oh my goodness. I thought at first that the girl and the boy broke up; then as I read on I saw that the boy died. Such a sad and lovely romance poem. Beautiful work here! :)

[jhed]

wow..very constructive, powerful and full of emotions..I love it..haha..keep it up!

[Haifa]

oh.. so sorry. Its so sad, pain, too deep and touching even my eyes are tearing now. I have lost some people already but I am really afraid to see the day to be alone without my very very close people I knew and love. It is very hard to even imagine. I am sorry and you really wrote a great poem well done and thanks for sharing.
Haifa

[Silere]

I don't know where to begin. This is quite beautifully written. The emotion you create and still be able to maintain such a smooth flow of words is absolutely amazing. Saying you are talented seems to be such an understatement right now. I find myself very captivated by your words. Thank you for sharing this!!

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Writer,

There is parts in here that don't agree such as past/present verb tense agreement errors. Those can be fixed, and I'll be happy to show you where they are if you message me about it. Other than that, you've definitively conveyed what you wanted to convey while agreeing with the primary rules of poetry. I'd actually spice it up a bit more using rhyme and repetition since it feels like it'd fit in nicely.

To get to the good stuff, you did a good job with depth and rhythm. You kept a steady count on meter and you did it in three stanzas. Shorter poems are a treasure to behold when done right. Keep on writing, fellow fourteen-year-old writer! 9.5/10.

A friend and writer,
S. W. Scaggs

[Dev]

The way you look, the way you sound
The way you saved me.
I wish I was the one who died,
Instead of you.

The lines of this write flow so well into the other !! I liked reading this one.. Its driven with emotions !! Nice one ..

[deeps]

Such a heart breaking write really!
You have perfect flow here and rhyme!
I do like your style.
You are talented!

[WriterSki7]

Ah yes, the loss of a loved one. It's why I make the most of every moment I have; because you never know when they'll be gone.

Not as captivating as the last but still good

[Daydreamer54]

i really liked it! It's a shame wat happend to her lover. :( but he died 4 her...

[elyza0926]

a lovely and tragic poem. i can feel the need of comfort of the person speaking from the person he/she love the most. nice work!