22. Illusion

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

22.   ILLUSION

 

     I WONDER WHY VALERIE CHOSE THIS PLACE. I KNOW THAT I DON’T want to ruin their moment, since I’m expecting that she’ll choose a place that is somewhat kinda romantic, or maybe she just switched plans. But even if she switched plans, this is not what I expected. But in second thought, Valerie is a partygoer.

     It was a sophisticated clubhouse, crowded with people ages between sixteen and twenty-six. I sat quietly and took some drinks�"though I rarely drink. Martin and Valerie decided to dance, while I just stayed in the corner, sitting on the huge jet black couch without anyone to talk to.

     “Hey, miss, what are you doing here alone?” a guy asked, sitting next to me.

     “Um, drinking, I guess...” I said.

     “You want to dance?”

     “Um, no thanks,”

     “Oh well... and I’m Rob and you are?” he asked, putting his hand in front of me then continued before I could speak, “Wait, you look familiar.” He took his hand back.

 

 

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     “No I don’t” I took my glass again and looked away. I can feel his heavy gaze on my face.

     “You sure we haven’t met before?” curiosity filled his voice.

     “Um, as far as I know, we haven’t,” I tried to look to his deep sea green eyes.

     “You sure? You look like... Aly�"”

     “No I don’t,” I repeated too quickly. “You must be mistaken,”

     He paused for a second then said, “Yah, maybe,” his tone still curious. I know that he might not believe me, but I just wish he get over it. “Well, I’ll leave you now.” He stood up.

     I sighed.

 

    

     The night went fine. I decided to dance anyway, and got carried away, since I got drunk. A lot of guys tried to take me out, but of course, I didn’t agree. Either drunk or not, I still won’t go with anyone except with Valerie and Martin.

     Now, I’m really dizzy and feeling like I’m going to throw up in five minutes. I sat down for a second to compose myself.

     “Hey miss, you want to dance again?” another guy asked again.

     “Um, maybe later. I’m tired,” I said.

     “C’mon,” he pulled me up.

     “I told you, I don’t want to!” I shook my hand off but his grip was too tight.

     “Let go of me!” I said, now yelling. I slapped him, but he still held my arm tight.

      “Playing hard to get huh... I like it,” he pulled me closer and tried to kiss me.

      But suddenly, someone punched him straight on the jaw. “What’s your problem, man?” the guy who’s holding me finally let go.

     “Leave her alone,” the guy who punched him said. His voice is somehow familiar, though I’m not sure if it really is. Maybe it’s just because I’m drunk.

     “Who are you anyway?” the first guy asked.

 

 

♦194♦

     “You don’t have to know me.”

     I sat down for a second, feeling the exhaustion in my body. I closed my eyes and buried my face to my hands, trying to stop the giddiness. I didn’t know what’s happening, but I heard some glass breaking, crashing, and suddenly, someone took my hand and pulled me out of the clubhouse.

     “Hey! What’s the problem with you!” I stopped and shook my hand off.

     “What’s the problem with me? I just saved you from that maniac!” the familiar voice said.

     “Oh,” I said, “Well then, thanks,” I looked at his face. Great, I’m so drunk that I can see his face on him.

     “That’s all? What the heck are you doing in that kind of place?”

     “I just want to... forget a problem,” I’m not sure if I’m telling the truth or not, “Who are you anyway? And why are you talking like you’re my father?” I said the same line to him. I rubbed my eyes to have a better look. His jet black hair is somehow shimmering in the moonlight.

     “Um, I’m Travis. Travis Underwood. And you’re Alyson Smith.”

     “Well, nice meeting you,” I breathed, “I’ll go home now.” I saw my Ford in front of us.

     “You can’t drive while you’re completely drunk!”

     “Please... I have complete control of myself,”

     “Besides, that’s not your car.”

     “Really... I never got wrong with my car.” I stopped then looked at him again. “Wait, how would you know if this is my car or not?” I crossed my arms.

     “I’m not a stalker. I just saw you with your friends driving toward this place,”

      I was about to take my keys when I realized that Martin has it.

     “I’ll just drive you home. Your friends will drive your car home,”

     “No way,” I started to walk again and he followed.

     “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything to you,” he said, now on my side.

 

 

♦195♦

     “That’s what everyone says,”

     “I’m honest,”

     “They say it all the time.” I walked faster, but he still catches up. I didn’t notice that we’re already on the seashore.

     “I’m honest,” he repeated.

     I just wish he would stop talking, if he only knows how each word that comes from him hurts me right now.

     “They say that all the time,” I repeated. “Like what one person told me. That he would never leave me. He’ll love me forever and always. But now, where is he? Dead.” I felt the waves caressing my feet.

     “And you know what’s worse?” I continued, tears running down my face. “I still stupidly love him, even though we broke up before he died. I’m so stupid” I breathed. “Do you know how much I hate you right now?” I looked at him, a few feet away from me.

     “Why?”

     “Because you sound and look exactly like him. Well, maybe because I’m just too drunk to see your real face, but still...” I let my voice trailed off. “Leave me alone,”

     “I’m so sorry about that.” he walked toward me. “But I just can’t... I just can’t leave you here alone,”

     It’s really serene and we’re the only ones here. I don’t care anymore if he’s here or not. Besides, he already knows my secret anyway. I closed my eyes and we stayed like that for a long moment.

     “Then, could you do me a favor?” I opened my eyes, seeing him with still no change.

     “What’s that?”

     “I know that this is stupid and... kinda childish and you can laugh as loud as you want... but, could you pretend to be... Adam?” I breathed. “Even just for tonight. I know that I shouldn’t be doing this, and that I promised him that I would stop this foolishness, but... just for one last time,” I can’t find the right words to say it.

     “Alright. Tonight, I’m Adam Cyrus,”

 

 

♦196♦

     “Thanks,” I sat down on the sand. I know this would be just stupid. No one can replace him.

     “You don’t have any plans on going home any time soon, do you?” he sat beside me.

     “No,” I hugged my legs tightly.

     “Fine, do what you want. Just tell me what you want me to say,” he lay down the sand.

      I looked at him, his features, perfectly the same. “So,” I said. “Travis, right?”

      “I thought you said I’ll be Adam?” he sat straight, now facing me.

      I held his face on my hands, like in movies, to see if they’re real or not.

     “What are you doing?”

     “Just testing.” I took my hand then stood up, “Who am I kidding? No one can replace him and he’s dead. Either you’re a complete replica of him or not, you’re still different.”

     He stood up.

     My giddiness was returning. I’m not sure if I’m being out of balance or not, but I held to his vest, suddenly, I puked.

     “Gross!” he yelled.

     “I’m so sorry,” I wiped my lips.

     “Here,” he gave me a bottle of water.

     “Thanks,” I took a sip.

     He took off his vest and shirt. “Well, my closet is getting crowded anyway.” he toss both on the sand.

     I felt like collapsing. The next thing I knew, it was like I was floating, feeling the warmth of his body as my head lay on his bare chest.

     I opened my eyes again. I examined it for a second, and then realized that I’m already in his car. I look at Travis, but there’s still no change. I slapped myself a few times, but all that happened was he laughed at me. I can see that he’s already wearing a grey shirt. I guess he just brings an extra for girls who might puke at him.

     Why can’t I escape my illusion of him as Adam?

     I decided to sleep, since I don’t want to stare at him any longer.

 

 

♦197♦

     I was sure that I was half asleep when I heard him say, “Take her home.”

     “Sure,” the voice sounded familiar. It’s Shane. I can’t be wrong; I never got wrong with his voice. How did he know Travis?

 

 

     I woke up, still feeling the giddiness. I winked twice and looked around. I’m not in my room. Well, not in my room in my real house. The walls are painted white. I’m in the room I used for the past few weeks. I’m in Shane’s house. I tried to remember what happened last night.

     First, I went out with Valerie and Martin. Second, we went to a clubhouse. Then... what else happened? I’m sure that Shane wasn’t with us.

     I was about to climb out of bed when I remembered something else. I poke myself continuously when I got my memory clearer. How much humiliation did I make last night? Everything that I did and said became clearer and clearer to me. “Why am I such an idiot?” I murmured, trying not to get their attention. That’s it. That will be last time I’ll drink.

    I went downstairs to search for Shane. I think I need to apologize to him.

     “...did she recognize you?” I heard Shane asked.

     I took a peek to see that he’s talking to someone on the phone.

     “Oh... well, maybe you should tell her the truth.” He turned around and froze when he notice me. “Call you back,” he shut his phone.

     “Hey, um, who are you talking to?” I asked, walking toward him.

     “Um, Tony, my friend that you haven’t met yet... He has um, a problem with his girlfriend.”

     “Oh, sorry to interrupt.” I scratched my arm.

     “It’s alright. So, want to have breakfast?”

     “Maybe later, I’m not yet hungry,”

     He just looked at me.

     “Um, I’m sorry for what happened last night...”

 

 

♦198♦

     “It’s fine,”

     “Um, do you know Travis?”

     “Who?” he asked, as if he heard the name for the first time.

     “Travis Underwood,”

     “Who?” he repeated.

     “The guy who gave me to you last night,” I explained. Now I’m the one who’s bewildered. How can he not know the name?

     “Oh, Travis. Yah...”

     “You don’t know his full name?”

     “Well, I almost forgot, you see, I call him Jon... His name is Travis Jonathan Underwood. And I’m kinda used of calling him Jon,” he said.

     “Oh, that explains it.” I breathed. “Um, do you have his number?” I felt my cheeks flushed. How awkward is this moment? A girl asking for the number of a boy from her boyfriend.

     “Yes, why?”

     “I just want to apologize on what I did,” great, I think that I’ll be telling him my embarrassing moments with Travis.

     “Fine, wait.” He took his phone then pressed something I didn’t notice. “Here,”

     “Thanks,” I said, taking the phone from him then called Travis.

     “Hey, what’s up,” Travis answered.

     “Hey, um, it’s me... Alyson,”

     “Oh,” he cough. “Do I still sound like Adam?” he lowered his voice.

     “Um, a little,”

     “Well, maybe that’s because I’m on the phone. Even Shane said that I sound like him on the phone,”

     “I guess.”

     “So, why did you call?”

     “I just want to apologize. To your shirt and my idiocy last night,” I bit my lip.

     “Well, apology accepted,”

     “Thanks,”

 

 

♦199♦

     “I gotta go now. Bye.”

     “Bye,” I shut his phone. “Here,” I handed Shane the phone then smiled.

     “So, you want to have breakfast now?” Shane asked.

     “I’ll just have some cereal,” I fixed myself a bowl of cereal.

     “So, tell me, what did you do to Travis last night?” he asked, suddenly interested.

     “It’s too embarrassing,”

     “C’mon, I’m your best friend,”

     “And boyfriend. That’s why it’s too embarrassing,”

     “C’mon,” he gave me his puppy-dog face.

     “Don’t laugh, okay?” I bit my lip.

     “Sure,”

     “Well, I... puked at him,” I breathed. “And... I made him pretend to be someone.”

     “Who’s that someone?”

     I looked at him for a second. I know that he already know who I’m talking about.

     “Alright,”

     “Thanks,” I said. I know that he already knew what I mean. Thanks for not making me say his name one last time. Last night was the last time for my idiocy. “Um, do you have a picture of Travis?”

     “No, why?”

     “Well, last night, I can’t see his real face... only... you know who,” I said.

     “Oh,”

     “So, who’s Travis? I mean, how did you know him? Is he a relative or something?”

     “Just a close friend. Um, loves baseball too, and we kinda met when we were watching a game,”

     “Ah. So, what does he look like?” I asked suddenly interested.

     “Messy Ebony hair, coral blue eyes, normal tan, about your height... I’m not really good at describing a guy, but you can imagine him, right?”

 

 

♦200♦

     “A little,” I guess Travis is a whole other person from Adam. “Wait, maybe I need to go now, my parents might be worried.”

     “Your parents aren’t home, remember? Your Christmas gift,” he reminded me.

     “Right.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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