18. Scenery

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

18.   SCENERY

 

     I’M SURE I’M DREAMING. ONE REASON FOR IT IS BECAUSE I’M BACK to my paradise. But now, I’m wearing a pink dress, and the garden is full of red tulips and white roses. The breeze is now different, it’s not the same warm feeling, but now, the cold wind, that made me shiver. I took a rose that caught my eye and stare at it. It’s covered with blood. My blood.

 

 

     I tried to open my eyes now but I still can’t. I felt something soft, but the pain is still overwhelming. Where am I anyway? The last thing I remember was getting shot twice and hearing Shane’s voice full of fear. After that, nothing.

     I tried to open my eyes again, this time with success. I looked around to see Shane sleeping, his head on the side of my bed. It took me a second to realize that I’m in a hospital. I can hear some low moaning and groaning on the other side of the door. One voice was familiar; Nate’s; and I’m guessing that the other voice belongs to the doctor.

 

 

♦157♦

     This is almost the same scenery that happened a year ago, when I got on a car accident and had amnesia. The only difference is that, I won’t be expecting a guy busting to the doors worried about me.

     “Alyson?” Shane said, waking up.

     “You’re awake,” I murmured.

     “I should be the one saying that to you,”

     “Why?”

     “You were asleep for two days,” he yawned.

     “Oh, I’m sorry...” I whispered.

     “For what?”

     “For all the troubles that I caused,”

     “You didn’t do anything. You’re the victim here,”

     “Right,” I said, remembering being kidnapped and getting shot twice. “Um, where’s your brother?”

     “Having some fresh air,” he pointed up.

     “Where?” I asked.

     “At the rooftop...”

     “Oh, um, can I...”

     “Can you stand up?” he stood up.

     “I’ll try,” I stood up as Shane helped me; there’s still some pain, but I can manage it. “Thanks,”

     “I’ll just call for your breakfast,”

     “Thanks,” I headed out and took the elevator. I’m guessing that this can be an easy way up.

     I reached the rooftop as the same cold wind from my paradise welcomed me. I walk toward him, though staying a few meters from him. “Hey,” I said.

     He didn’t turn around, still sitting on the ground, looking straight forward.

     “Um, I’m sorry that I got you beaten up and thanks for saving me...”

     “Is that all? Sorry and thanks?” he still didn’t look at me.

     “Um, yes.”

 

 

♦158♦

     “Did you know that you almost killed me?”

     “I’m sorry. But I told you to fight them, but, you didn’t.” I said, as if it’s his fault not mine.

    “That’s not what I mean.”

     “Then what do you mean?” I asked bewildered.

     “Why did you do that?”

     “Do what?”

     “Blocking me from getting shot,”

     I didn’t answer. What will I say anyway? That I can let myself get killed just because I love him more that my life? And if I say that, I know that he would just be mad at me more.

     “I tried to bear the pain, just to keep you safe, then suddenly, you’ll just get yourself killed.”

     “I’m fine,”

     “Why did you do that?” he repeated as he stood up and faced me.

     “I... I was just trying to save you,” I looked down to my feet.

     “It’s like you killed me a hundred times when I saw you fell that night. Alyson, I love you. I’m trying so hard to keep you safe, but you just keep putting yourself in danger, and, I don’t know what I’ll do...”

     “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again...” I said like a little kid getting scolded again and again. I didn’t look at him as I wiped my tears again.

     “Could you stop crying?”

     “I’m sorry,”

     “The only reason why I had been over protective to you before, and that I never let Jacob go in the concert with you guys is because I already have my own conclusions on what he might do. I guess neither Shane nor Nate ever thought of that.” He sighed, “Today will be the only day that I can say I’m sorry that I was over protective before. I guess I don’t really have the right instincts about Jacob. Or maybe it was part of his plan to his revenge. I’m not sure, he’s just so unpredictable.”

     “I’m sorry,” I repeated for no reason.

 

 

♦159♦

     He hugged me tightly. I’ve missed this feeling and my body had been longing to have it. It’s the same time my lips had been longing to be pressed to his, but I know that I can’t do that. “What is it with you that I can’t ignore?” he chuckled humourlessly.

     “I don’t know. I guess I’m just being like you, I’m being stupid too,” I murmured.

     He let me go. “Oh yah, you’re right. Arianna did cheat on me. Saw them makin’ out on the parking lot.”

     “And you’re fine with that?” I asked bewildered.

     “Yah. Don’t care about her anymore,” he sighed.

     “Oh,” was all I said. He’s the only person I know whose fine when his relationship got ended because his ex-girlfriend cheated on him.

     “And oh yah, I’m leaving tomorrow.”

     “What?”

     “I’ll be gone for three or four months,”

     “Why?” I whispered.

     “I just want to find myself,”

     “Right,” I wiped the tears again.

     “Stop crying,”

     “I’m not crying. It’s windy up here, there’s just something in my eye.”

     “I just want you to do something first,”

     “What’s that?”

     “Promise me that you won’t hurt my brother,” he looked to my eyes, to see if I’m going to say the truth.

     “I won’t do that,” I pressed my lips together. “I swear,” I raised my right hand.

     “That’s all I need. C’mon, I’m hungry,”

     “I’ll stay here for a sec,”

     “Sure,” he walked toward the elevator.

     I can’t believe he’ll be leaving again. Why do I want him to stay anyway? Well, you just admitted that you love him. I answered my own question. I do admit to myself that I can’t live without him. But I also promised him to not hurt his brother.

 

 

♦160♦

     I sat down as I think about it. Why am I like this? I’ve been looking for the right guy for so long. Before, I told myself that I wanted to see Mr. Right and not Mr. Perfect, since I won’t be sure if Mr. Perfect would be right for me. Now, I just doubt it.

     Shane for me is just the perfect guy, he’s everything I ever wanted, but he’s not the right one for me. I love him for him, he’s still my best friend, and I know that I’m in love with him and he is my boyfriend.

     I love them both, but now, I can’t lie to myself; I don’t love them the way I should. I could lie to all the people surrounding me, but not to myself. I know that my heart is still screaming Adam, but my mind keeps saying Shane. I’m already cut in half.

     Life is full of choices. My dad always say that when I was little. On whatever I’ll choose, I’ll be the one who can pick that. But how come this moment, I can’t just pick one?

     Tomorrow, Adam will fly out the country. Is that the sign that I should forget what I feel about him and all the past that happened to us and just be happy with Shane? Probably.

     I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I stood up and went back to my room.

     “Hey, what took you so long?” Shane asked as I went in.

     “Just wanted some fresh air,” I said.

     “You want Chinese, or Japanese food?” my mom asked holding two plastic bags. I didn’t notice that she was there with Amy until she spoke.

     “Anything, I guess...”

 

 

     The day passed quickly. I didn’t see any sign of Adam anywhere. I got out of the hospital by late afternoon. The doctor said that I should rest for a while, but I don’t really believe him. I feel fine and I really want to work now. If I’m not corrected, I missed two show guestings already.

 

 

♦161♦

     The bodyguards covered me out of the hospital as paparazzi continued on taking photos and trying to get an interview. It’s really great that shades had been invented, or else I’m already blind.

     Emma reminded me that I’ll be touring to Mexico starting tomorrow until the end of the month. It was supposedly with Jake, but since what happened, I’m guessing that I’m just going to do it alone or cancel it.

     The Cyrus family would file a case against Jake and my dad as the lawyer�"of course. Well, Adam seems to not care about it anyway, since he’s flying off tomorrow.

     My dad was already decided to file a case, even though I already told him a hundred times that I’m fine and he doesn’t have to do that, no need to spark a war. He didn’t listen to me and said that I just need to testify as the victim. I gave up, though I’m not really sure if I want to do it. I mean, even on what happened, Jake is still one of my closest friends.

     I decided to go to sleep early�"well, ten pm is early for me now�"since I’ll be a guest host tomorrow for Dancing with the idols finale�"since tomorrow will be my only rehearsal. Emma called and said that the tour was moved next month.

 

 

     I woke up at seven am. I just wondered what time is Adam’s flight anyway. I stood up and fixed myself and then headed to their house. I just want to say goodbye to him, one last time, since we’re friends again, and the war�"if there was really a war�"is over. I got there just in time, seeing the, saying goodbye to Adam.

     I walked toward them as Adam hugged Shane and Nate then tapped their backs. “Hey, um, I just want to say goodbye,” I murmured.

     “Well,” he breathed.

     “Um, I hope you can find yourself, and the right girl for you.” Why the heck am I being so awkward?

     “Thanks,”

 

 

♦162♦

     “Um, good luck to your trip,” I smiled and put my hand in front of him.

     “Thanks,” he repeated, shaking my hand.

     “Um,” I took my hand, “Awkward,”

     “Yah,”

     “Um, maybe just one time,”

     “Sure,”

     I hugged him tightly. “I’ll miss you,” I whispered for only him to hear.

     “This is not awkward at all,”

     “Yah, except that my boyfriend is just a few feet from me,” I let go of him as I looked at Shane.

     “Right,”

     “Bye. I’m already making you late for your flight,”

     “I know, you always put me in trouble.” He smiled crookedly. I guess I never got tired of that.

     I punched him on the shoulder.

     “That’s what you’ll make me keep when I leave?”

     “Yah,”

     “See you on Valentine’s Day,”

     I just nodded. Of all the holidays he needs to go back, why is it had to be Valentine’s Day?

     He went in the Volvo and waved goodbye as Ryan started to drive.

     “Why didn’t you go to the airport?” I asked Shane.

     “Fans, paparazzi; It’ll be harder if we’re all there.” Shane said, his voice toneless.

     “Right,”

     “Can you leave us for a sec?” he asked Nate.

     “Fine,” Nate went in their house.

     “You’re still in love with him,” Shane said stiffly that it caught me off-guard.

     “What?” I asked.

     “It’s obvious.”

 

 

♦163♦

     “I just said goodbye. And the truth is, it’s really awkward. Can’t I do that anymore?”

     “Probably yes,”

     “Don’t worry. I love you. You’re half of my life,” I fixed his collar.

     “Words can be exaggerated. And action speaks louder than words.” He took my hands.

     “But it’s true.” I entwined my fingers to his.

     “I’m part of your life. I’m not half of your life. I’m not Adam.” He said, trying to make sense that I don’t want to understand.

     “What are you saying?”

     “Alyson,”

     “Stop it. c’mon, you’re just hungry.” I said, though I’m not even sure if he already ate or not.

     “Fine,”

 

 

    We walked toward the door when my phone rang. “Wait just a sec,” I said then answered my phone. “Hello?”

     “Alyson, I’m so sorry! I know you’re going to kill me now, but I forgot to say that you’ll have a nine hour album signing session today,” Emma mumbled.

     “Oh, what time does it start?”

     “An hour from now.”

     “So approximately, after the album signing, I’ll go straight ahead to rehearsal. Or, I don’t have any time for rehearsals...” I said, more to myself than to her.

     “Yes. I’m really sorry you don’t have a break,”

     “It’s not your fault. Besides, I kinda enjoy it.”

     “But you just got out of the hospital�"”

     “And that’s why I need to work,”

     “Well, I’m really sorry. Where are you anyway?”

     “Shane’s house.”

     “We’ll fetch you,”

     “Right. Bye.” I shut my phone then faced Shane.

 

 

♦164♦

     “No need to explain, heard it all.” He said.

     “Thanks,”

     “So, they’ll be arriving in a few minutes,” he said, not as a question.

     “A few minutes is still long enough for us to cherish,” I chuckled.

     “Want some peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I’m the best sandwich maker, right?”

     “Sure.”

     He led me to their kitchen, which seems to be neater than ever. I’m guessing that Ashley did some general cleaning while I was unconscious. “How many layers?” he asked.

     “Two can do,” I said.

     “Fine. Just sit back and relax, especially your hand.”

     “Hey, um, do you want to have a vacation or something?”

     “Why did you ask?”

     “Oh nothing. You know, just to leave stress.”

     “Is that really you?” he looked to me slightly. “Ms. Workaholic wants to leave stress.”

     “I want a break too,”

     “Really. unlike yesterday where you keep repeating that you want to work, work, and did I mention work?”

     “Can’t I change my mind?”

     “Where are you planning to go?”

     “Macau sounds great. It’s the Las Vegas of Asia,”

     “When?”

     “I’ll check my schedule. But you’ll go with me, right?”

     “Alyson, you may have the money to go to Macau, since you’re number forty-six on the top most earning artists, but it seems that you don’t have that much time, and so am I. You’ll be touring to Mexico next month, after that, some concerts, tons of show guestings and did I mention your seasonal album?”

     “What seasonal album?”

     “Remember, you promised that you’ll make a seasonal album for Christmas? You promised the fans.”

 

 

♦165♦

     “Oh, right. I already recorded five songs, right?”

     “Yah, and since you’re also co-producing, how many are you going to put anyway?”

     “Eleven or twelve.”

     “You’ll release it when?”

     “Maybe a month before Christmas; so it’s like a gift to them, you know, to be added to their wish list or something. Besides, I already composed about three more already.”

     “Right,” he gave me the sandwich.

     “Thanks,”

     I took a bite the same time he did. I wondered how time can fly so fast. It’s like I just turned twenty-one, and now, I’ll be a year older again. It’s like we just finished our movie Get Back, then suddenly, the Last Dance was out. I can’t believe I’m getting old.

     “Hey, snap out of it.” Shane snapped his fingers twice.

     “Oh, sorry,” I took a bite.

     “What are you thinking?”

     “My life,” I admitted. “Why am I in this position again?”

     “Because you deserve it,” he said, “If you may think that being part of the band, well, former part of the band made you famous, well you’re obviously wrong. It’s actually the other way around. You made us famous. Your songs, the large impact that you made... Everything.”

     “But you guys are the one who gave me a chance,”

     “Yes. But you’re really talented. You won’t be successful if it weren’t for yourself. It’s like studying, the teacher teach you the topic, but it’s up to the student if he wants to study and have an A on that subject,”

     “Thanks,” I breathed. “But I’m kinda missing my normal life. Simple, easy, not worrying about my schedule,”

     “Having Adam as your boyfriend,”

     And this is one of my most dislike about Shane, “We’re already done with this topic.” Remind me again on why did I fall in love to the brother of my ex?

 

 

♦166♦

     First, it’s stupid, and it’s unfair for the both of us. And second, it’s annoying every time he opens it.

     “You’re right, sorry.” He said.

     “Fine,” I took a bite. I was about to say something again when my phone rang. “Hello?”

     “We’re already here in front of their house.” Emma said.

     “Okay,” I shut my phone then ate the whole sandwich. “I have to go now,”

     I walked out and straight to the tour bus. “Hey,” I said, seeing Emma as I opened the car door.

     “What do you want to wear? Red or yellow?” Emma asked, holding the dresses.

     “Um, I’m fine on what I’m wearing right now,” I said, flickering to my green shirt, black cardigan and blue jeans. I took a can of soda from the fridge and sat on the couch.

     “Right.” She breathed. “Want me to put your hair on a ponytail?”

     “Sure. Here” I gave her my black scrunchy on my wrist.

     She brushed my hair gently. “Is this fine?” she asked holding my hair on ear level.

     “Sure,”

     “Um, do you need anything else?” she asked. I’m guessing that she’d been high on caffeine again.

     “I’m fine, thanks,” I took a sip on my can, “Hey, um, when will I record my other songs for my seasonal album?”

     “Next week, if it’s fine.”

     “Right.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

♦167♦