16. Secrets

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

16.   SECRETS

 

     I TOOK TWO DEEP BREATHS AND CLOSED MY EYES. I'm just a few minutes away from our concert. I don’t know why I’m so nervous tonight, I mean, we’ve done a lot of concerts before, and this is not different from any of them�"except for the outfits, and some songs, of course.

     “Hey, I need to talk to you,” Adam took my arm tightly.

     “What?” I shook my arm free.

     “Tell me the truth.”

     “Truth? What truth?”

     “What’s this?” he showed me a letter.

     “A letter,”

     “Obviously,”

     “And you’re asking me this because...” I don’t really see the point in this conversation.

     “What I want to know is what’s in here,”

     “Then read it...”

     “I already read it.”

     “And you want me to explain a letter that I haven’t even read?”

 

 

♦138♦

     “Don’t play dumb.”

     “What are you talking about? If this some kind of sick joke, well I’m not buying it.” I crossed my arms.

     “You’re the one who wrote this,”

     “What?” I took the letter from him. “This is not...” I cut myself off when it suddenly flashback to me. It’s the letter I left him nine months ago. It can’t be possible. I saw it in the trash back in New York. “This is just some nonsense.” I walked toward the door but he blocked it.

     “Just answer me first, if yes or no... Does this letter say the truth?” he took it from me.

     “Truth on what? There’s nothing to explain anymore... it’s been way too long, forget it...”

     “Tell me first if... what I heard... back then... was wrong and you still�"”

     “Shut up!” I covered my ears.

     “Just one answer,”

     I kept silent for a moment. What the hell is wrong with him? Can’t he understand that I want to forget everything that happened before and just keep it a secret that can be forgotten? I wish I can have amnesia again so that I can forget everything.

     “If you don’t answer right now, you’ll regret this night.” He threatened. What else can I regret this night except for my stupidity of leaving him a letter of what’s the truth and what’s not?

     “Hey, c’mon, we need to go now,” Nate said.

     “Of course,” I said going out.

     “Ready?” Shane asked.

     “Of course,” I lied. But the fact is, I don’t want to perform tonight, thinking of what can happen after this concert, Adam having that stupid letter that can change everything.

     “Are you okay?” he took one of my hands that are cold as ice.

     “Of course...” I repeated. “Why wouldn’t I?”

     “You kinda looked upset,” he gave my guitar.

     “I’m just... nervous,” and that’s the truth.

     “Good luck,”

 

 

♦139♦

     “Thanks,” I crouched steadily, as I rose up. “Good evening Los Angeles!”

 

♪♫♪

 

     The concert was great. I sang a lot of duets with Shane and some with Adam. Though, I tried to stay away from him as far as possible.

     “Goodnight LA!” Shane said as we sank slowly.

     Suddenly, Adam pulled me on waist and pressed his lips into mine.

     I pushed him away quickly and slapped him so hard that even my hand was hurt. “How dare you!”

     “I told you that you’ll regret this night, right?” he breathed, “Answer my question, now,”

     I was about to slap him again when I saw Shane. “Shane, wait up!” I ran after him, but he’s too fast, fortunately, I caught his bag.

     “What?” He muttered.

     “Let me explain,”

     “Alyson, I love you... but I can’t be that dumb to pretend that what just happened was nothing,”

     “Shane, please. You know me, right?” Tears ran down my face, but I have no plans on stopping it, since I have no more control of it.

     “You’re right. I know you too well. And that you’re still in love with him. I knew it, I should never had agreed with your games,” he breathed, “I’m sorry but�"”

     “Shane, I love you! If you think that I’m just pretending or just using you, well, you’re absolutely wrong!”

     “You don’t have to lie anymore, goodbye.” He walked out the backstage door.

     “Alyson, I’m sorry...” Adam murmured, approaching me.

     “What else do you want!” I wiped my tears. “You want me to admit that I still love you? Then fine! Yes, but that changed already. I moved on, thanks to Shane.” I can’t help my tears not to fall again. “Why are you so insensitive? You only think about yourself! Didn’t you ever think about Shane? Me? Arianna? How could you be such a jerk!”

 

♦140♦

I paused for a second, then continued before he could speak. “Do you know how hard it is to build such great friendship and just seconds for you to break it?”

     “I’m sorry,” was all he could say.

     “Sorry? Your apology can’t do anything! He just broke up with me. You know, its okay for me to lose a relationship, but I can’t bear to lose a best friend. Do you know how that hurts?” I punched him on the chest consecutively, though I’m already losing my strength.

     He hugged me tightly, “I’m sorry,”

     “Can’t you understand it?” I pushed him away.

     “I’ll try to make it up to you�"”

     “You can’t make it up to me!”

     “What do you want me to do? I’ll do anything�"”

     “Anything?”

     “Yes,”

     “Bring back my best friend,” I walked away.

     “If I do that, will you forgive me?”

     “I... I don’t know,” I faced him again.

     “I need a sure answer,”

     I looked to his eyes fiercely then continued walking out. I took my shades and went straight to the limousine, since I’m not in the mood to face some interviews and the paparazzi.

 

 

     I went straight to my room and took an evening bath, though I’m pretty sure that it’s already one or two in the morning. I put on my sleeping robe then went out to my balcony. I stared at the starry night, wising that everything that just happened was just a blur.

     I sat down the floor in the corner of my room. I can feel the soft fur of the carpet, caressing my legs, somehow comforting me. I hugged my legs tightly, making myself into a ball, trying to make myself small. I closed my eyes as tears ran down my face again. Shane... I love you...

 

 

♦141♦

 

Before, I told myself that I’m tired of crying. I guess I’m wrong. I’m already weary enough from everything that happened, but I still can’t forget what happened. I climbed to my bed and tried to sleep.

 

 

     I woke up as my phone rang twice.

     “Hey, it’s Emma. Don’t forget that you’ll perform later at eleven am in the EDJ show. Bye.” She reminded in a voicemail.

     I noticed that there was another voicemail that is from Suzie.

    “Hey Alyson, I’m just reminding you that my sweet sixteen party is tonight at six pm. Don’t forget, you promised that you won’t miss it. love you,”

     I looked at the time and it’s already nine am. I feel a little dizzy, but I need to do something to get my head off Shane for a little while. Maybe I’ll call him later.

     I went straight to the studio of the EDJ show and performed as usual. I don’t know why, but I kinda lost my enthusiasm since last night.

     After I performed, I tried to call Shane again, but his phone was turned off. Maybe Emma was right. Maybe Shane do needs some space for a while. I changed to the baby blue dress that Suzie sent me and headed to the hotel, since I promised on helping on the preparations too.

     “Hey, happy birthday.” I said hugging her.

     “Wow, the dress looks great on you,” Suzie said.

     “Thanks, but you look stunning. I bet Kyle would regret breaking up with you,” I recalled her ex-boyfriend’s name.

     “I don’t really care about him that much anymore. Since, well, Mark asked me out, and FYI, he’s the hottest guy in the campus,” she giggled.

     “Really,” I breathed, “So, where can I help?”

     “I just want you to sit back and relax.”

     “What? No, I want to help,”

 

 

♦142♦

     “You need to rest... and no buts; make that as your gift to me,” she grinned.

     “Fine” I didn’t argue with her anymore, since it is her birthday and she needs to have it her way.

     I decided to call Shane again, forgetting the ‘give him some space’ thought of mine earlier.

     When I tried to call him for the hundredth time, I decided to just leave him a voicemail. “Shane, please answer your phone. I’m already desperate on talking to you,”

     “Honey, you’ve been trying to call him all day, give the boy some space. When he decided that he wants to talk to you, then that’s great.” My dad said.

     “Fine,” I said, going back to my first plan.

     “Enjoy the party.”

     “Right,”

     The time flied swiftly, from the sixteen candles, shoe ceremony, tiara ceremony and the father�"or maybe I should say the grandfather�" and daughter dance.

     Adam tried calling me twice, but I didn’t answer, until now when he said that ‘he’ll barge in’ in his voicemail.

     “What do you want?” I asked, finally answering his call.

     “Just go out now,” he ordered.

     “Why?”

     “Just follow me,”

     “No way,”

     “Choose, you’ll go out or I’ll go in?”

     “Fine, but this must be quick,”

     “Sure,”

     I shut my phone, “Hey, um, I’ll go out for a sec, I just need some fresh air.” I mumbled to Abby.

     I went out the hotel to see Adam leaning on his car.

     “Finally,” he walked toward me, “Your outfit is perfect,” he flashed a smile.

     “What do you want?”

 

 

♦143♦

     “Come with me,”

     “No way!”

     He took my hand but I shook it off quickly. Then all of a sudden, he caught me on the waist and carried me like a little kid.

     “Hey, put me down!” I punched him on the back.

     “Hey, my body is already aching because of you,” he opened the car door and pushed me in.

     “Where the heck are you taking me?”

     “Would you shut up for a sec?” he went in and started the car before I could get out. “Fasten your seatbelt.”

     “Just tell me where you are taking me; I can accuse you of kidnapping you know,”

     “That’s fine. Hey, put this on,” he gave me a blindfold.

     “Why should I?”

     “Just follow me,”

     “You’re taking me somewhere I don’t know, and now you want me to put on a blindfold? Are you going to salvage me?”

     “No, obviously not,”

     “But you’re thinking of it,”

     He just looked at me.

     “What?” I suddenly felt like a child for arguing with him on that manner.

     He looked straight to the road again with his poker face.

     I finally put the blindfold on, since I have no choice anyway.

     “That’s more like it,” he said, with a chuckle.

     “Whatever,”

    

 

     The trip was a little a long that made me take a nap first.

     “Alyson, are you asleep?” Adam shook me.

     “Of course not,” I yawned.

     “Go out now,”

     “Like I can see the way,”

     He suddenly pulled me out like a doll.

 

 

♦144♦

     “Whoa!” I almost trip, “Can’t I take this off now?”

     “Not yet,”

     “Then, can you be a little careful on holding me? I’m a human being you know,”

     “Really,”

     “Where am I?”

     “Just stay here for a sec,”

     “Why?”

     “Do you have to ask every time I say something?”

     “Yes,”

     “Just stay here, don’t move,”

     “Fine, like I have a choice.

     “Good,” he said as I heard his footsteps fade away.

     I took a peek, since he didn’t banned me from doing that. My eyes dropped on what I saw. There are shimmering lights everywhere. The fragrant of the red rose petals scattered on the ground soothes me, and made me relax a little. There’s also a small round table covered by a white silk table cloth on the center, with three lit candles. There are also a lot of red balloons placed on the ground, just the perfect touch to match the evening. I can’t believe he can do this; but, what for?

     I heard some footsteps approaching so I quickly put the blindfold back on.

     “You can take it off now,” Adam ordered.

     “Good,” I took it off again. “Wow,” I said, as if I saw it for the first time.

     “Now, look here,”

     I followed what he said and saw Shane holding twelve red roses.

     “So, what’s this?” I asked.

     “It’s all Adam’s plan,” Shane admitted.

     “Give her the roses then hug her already.” He sighed, “Kiss her already,” he pushed Shane toward me. “See, this is the reason why you don’t get girls that much, you’re too slow,”

     “Um, not helping,”

 

 

♦145♦

     “Oh, I’ll go now,” he went in their house�"which I didn’t notice to be there.

     “So,” I put my arms around his neck slowly as a violin starts playing like a murmur in the background. “This means,”

     “Alyson, I’m really sorry... Adam explained everything to me. I’m so stupid, I�"”

     “Shh,” I breathed, “It’s okay, that’s what I’ll do if I’m in your position too,”

     “So, would you give me another chance?”

     “Of course,” I sighed, “So, what’s with the twelve roses?”

     “Each roses represents a word, and these means, ‘I’m so sorry Alyson, and I miss and love you so much’”

     “Are you the one who made that up?”

     “To be honest, I did nothing. Not even on the setting. Adam organized it all.”

     “Really, well, maybe I should thank him, and apologize for my childish actions,”

     “Maybe,”

     “Hey, can we sit?”

     “Sure,” he pulled the chair for me.

     “So, did Adam help you pick an outfit too?”

     “What?” I flickered to my dress, then suddenly remembered Suzie’s sweet sixteen. “Oh God, I need to go.” I stood up again.

     “Why?”

     “Suzie’s sixteenth birthday,”

     “Oh, then I’ll drive you back,”

     “Thanks... um wait, is it okay for you to wait? I’ll just thank Adam,” I bit my lip.

    “Sure,”

     I headed to their back door.

     “Stupid! You’re so stupid!” Adam muttered, taking a huge punch on the wall.

     “So, can you tell me why you’re saying you’re stupid?” I leaned on the counter.

 

 

♦146♦

     “Um, nothing. Just broke the sink,”

     “Okay that reason is stupid, but I’ll accept that.”

     “Why are you here again? The food is not yet ready. I’ll just serve it later,”

     “Um, I just want to say thanks,”

     “That’s all?”

     “Yes,”

     “So, you forgive me already?”

     “Sure, wait, um, have you talked to Arianna already?”

     “Yah, and she didn’t see any part of the concert, though she saw the news on TV and she said it was fine. She even thought that it was planned and I just pretended it was,”

     “Well, that’s good; she’s a nice girl,”

     “Right...” he sighed, “Did you finish the poem already?”

     “Almost, I’ll give it to you tomorrow,”

     “Thanks,” he smiled crookedly. The smile that I haven’t seen for a long time, that I thought before that only belonged to me.

     “Um, I’ll go now. Bye,”

     I went out and straight to Shane’s Ferrari.

     We reached the hotel late enough that the guests already left. I just wish they’re not upset with me. Besides, I have a valid reason, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

♦147♦