22. WEAK

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

22. Weak

 

     IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS NOW AND TOMORROW WILL BE MY day-off again. I waved goodbye to the others as I went straight ahead to my car and start it. Great, what can mix up with my exhausting day? My car won’t start. I decided to call Shane for help, since I guess he might have an idea on this.

     “Hello?” he said.

     “Hey Shane, it’s me…”

     “Oh hey, Alyson…”

     “Um, could you help me?”

     “Why? What’s up?”

     “My car won’t start… and well—”

     “Sure… be there in a few minutes…”

     “Thanks, you’re the best…”

     “Of course…”

     “Bye…” I shut my phone.

     I waited for him impatiently as I tapped my fingers to the vacant passenger’s seat. I saw Adam went out of the restaurant. He look at me then I quickly look at my phone to pretend that someone text me. I’m not sure if he’s still looking at me or not so I continued reading my past messages.

     “What happened to you?” he asked, a few miles from me.

     “Me? Um, my car won’t start… but I already called someone

 

 

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for help…” I mumbled.

     “Want me to look at it?”

     “Huh? Um, no need…” I pretended to look at my phone again.

     “You sure?”

     “Yah…”

     “Suit yourself…” he said and went to his car.

     A few minutes later, Shane finally came.

     “Hey… so what’s the problem?” he asked.

     “I’m not sure… my gas is full… I don’t know to the machine…”

     “Okay…” he opened the front of my car. “Oh, I’m not sure here… is Adam still here? He knows everything about this…”

     “Oh, well, he left already…” why do I have to have a huge pride! I could’ve go home by now. “You sure you can’t fix it? Just try… please…”

     “I’m not really sure about this…”

     Then suddenly Adam’s Mercedes drove by again. “Hey, Shane… I just forgot some files in my office…” Adam mumbled.

     “Oh, good timing…” can you look at Alyson’s car?” Shane asked.

     “I’m looking… but I’m not fixing that…”

     “Why not?”

     “Well, she doesn’t want me to… that’s all yours, bro…” he tapped Shane’s shoulder and opened the restaurant and went in.

     “He already offered you for help and you declined it?”

     “Well…” I bit my lip.

     Adam went straight to his car with a pile of files, before he started his car; he opened his window and said. “Just check the battery…” then he drove away.

     “Thanks!” Shane said. He did something I didn’t notice, though I saw him took the battery. “Try to start it…”

     “Okay…” I followed him and it worked. “Wow, you’re

 

 

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great…”

     “But you know who really solved your problem, right?”

     “Yah, sure… could you just give my thanks to him?”

     “Sure… well, guess I’ll go home now…”

     “Okay, bye…” I drive away.

     I can’t believe he talked to me again—well just for five seconds, but that’s counted—at last. I know it’s half my fault why he doesn’t talk to me, but I really hope we can be friends again, though not more than that. But every time my mind reminds me of what happened, I quickly take what I said. I went straight to bed since I already had dinner with Valerie and the rest.

     I woke up at eleven. I feel a little dizzy since I overslept. I went downstairs but there’s no one else at home except for me. I fixed myself a chicken pita and eat quietly. I feed Phoenix as well. I watched some movies and tried to compose a song, but I can’t think of anything to write on. I never thought that my rest day could be so boring.

     I decided to go to Shane’s house since I have nothing to do. I brought Phoenix as well since I haven’t spent much time with him.

     “Hey, what’s up?” Shane said as he approached me.

     “Hey, I’m getting bored… do you mind if I stay here for a little while?”

     “Not at all… I see you brought Phoenix…” he took him from the car.

     “Well, he’s getting bored too…”

     “Ah, well I bet he can enjoy with cupcake and strawberry…”

     “Yah… so what are you doing before I came?”

     “Cleaning my room… want to help? I’m not finish yet…”

     “Sure…”

     “Wait; let’s leave Phoenix to my pets’ room…”

     “Okay… he won’t be a troublemaker…”

     “Of course…”

 

 

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     He led us to his dogs’ room which changed a little; the walls are painted mint green though the carpet is still white.

     “Okay, c’mon… my room is really messy…”

     “Why? How long didn’t you clean anyway?”

     “Actually when I came back, it was clean…”

     “So what happened?”

     “Well, I can’t find my sneakers… but now I did…”

     “Okay, maybe it’s not that messy…”

     “You have no idea…”

     “I just hope there are no snakes…”

     “I hope so too…”

     We headed to his room, he opened it and he wasn’t kidding. It was like a jungle here.

     “Oh-my-God…”

     “It’s my favorite sneakers…”

     “Okay… that’s kinda acceptable… I think…”

     “Great…”

     “What happened to the neat-freak Shane I remembered?”

     “Well…”’

     “You really made a mess…” I said picking some of his shirts. “Hey what’s this?” I asked picking a photograph. It was a picture of Shane and I. “You still keep this?”

     “Of course…”

     “So what else do you have here?”

     “You’ll find out later after we finish cleaning up…”

     “Okay… um, do you still have our photos on our last graduation? You know the high school photos…”

     “Of course… I have a scrapbook of them…”

     “Really?”

     “Yah, c’mon, lets clean up and I’ll show you…”

     “Sure…”

     After we cleaned up—which was really, really exhausting— he pulled out two scrapbooks from the first shelf.

     “Here are the graduation photos, here on the two of us, and

 

 

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I just printed out the ones we have in Boston… you want to see?”

     “Sure… lets put it on your scrapbook now…”

     “Sure…” he took a small box. “Here are the pictures in Boston… two hundred fifty-nine in all…”

     “Let me see…” I took it from him and I saw that it is all the two of us. There are some—only like about fifty—that we’re with the other students. When people see these, they’ll think that he’s my boyfriend. Wait, he is my boyfriend. “This is my favorite…” I showed him a photo of him sleeping in the plane.

     “Well, this is mine…” he showed me of a picture of me sleeping.

     “Um, can I have one of these?”

     “Sure… which one?”

     “This…” I showed him the one where we first went to Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts, in a chef jacket, my one arm around his shoulder.

     “Sure…”

     “Thanks…” I took my wallet and quickly put it. I only have four photos in my wallet, my solo, with Shane, with Miley, and the last and most hidden, with Adam—the one where we were in Venice, in the gondola. I know it’s very stupid of me to keep it, after what happened. All of our pictures have been burned, except for this one.

     “Wait, I’ll just take the decorations…”

     “Okay…” I looked at the scrapbook of the graduation photos, there are a lot of pictures of Shane and I but there’s more on Adam and I.

     “Here you go…”

 

     We finished doing the scrapbook by eight. I didn’t thought it can take that long on doing one scrapbook. I remembered before, I do scrapbooks when I’m really, really, really bored and it only took me three hours. But now we’re already two

 

 

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and it took us four hours.

    “Hey, want to have a movie marathon?” Shane asked.

     “Sure… I’m just reminding you, I can’t concentrate on a conversation when the TV is on…”

     “That’s okay… I can live with that… I already live with that for two years…”

     “Okay…”

     We went straight to the living room and turned the TV on.

     “Hey, want some popcorn?”

     “Sure… wait, where’s the others?”

     “Nate, I don’t know… Adam at work, I guess… mom and dad went to a family friend,”

     “Ah…”

     “What flavor of popcorn do you want?”

     “I’ll just have what you’ll be having…”

     “Okay… I’ll be having cheese,”

     “Sure… that’s fine…”

     “How about drinks?”

     “Soda…”

     “That’s mine too…”

     “Fine…”

     “Okay, be right back…”

     I sit back and watch a movie I don’t know what the name is. And it’s pretty boring by the way.

     Suddenly someone bust in the door. It was Adam and I can see that he’s completely drunk and he’s also completely out of balance, he even broke the vase he first touched.

     “Whoa! Are you okay?” I asked when he fell down to the floor.

     “Yah…” he muttered, trying to stand up.

     I took a deep breath. I don’t want to help him, I thought to myself.

     “He fell down again.

     Just this moment, after this, no more close encounter. “Um,

 

 

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not that I care or anything, but I think I need to help you go upstairs, there’s some poor vases upstairs that don’t want to be broken…”

     “I can go by myself…” he said almost falling again.

     “Why are you so grouchy?”

     “I’m not grouchy… and I’m in full balance… see?” he stood up straight.

     “Sure…”

     “Fine…”

     He went straight to the massive staircase. And of course, he fell down. “I’m fine…”

    “Sure, you are…”  

     “Whatever…”

     “Okay…” I went on his side. I held him on the waist and put his one arm on my shoulders to balance.

     We reached his room at last—after the fifth fall, well, at least he didn’t broke anything or fell on the stairs.

     “Okay, you’re heavy…” I said as I pushed him to the bed.

     “Wait, don’t leave yet…” he stood up.

     “Yah, yah, you’re welcome… I’ll go back now…”

     “Wait…”

     “Sorry, but you’re not my boss today… and you’re really drunk…” I said and turned around. He caught my hand. This is the same picture that happened two years ago, that I’m trying to forget. I tried to shake it off but this time, he held me tighter. He turned me around and pulled me closer, his face only inches from mine. Now he held both of my hands. Is being drunk making him stronger or I’m just becoming weaker? How can I be weak anyway? He quickly leaned to kiss me. I can’t seem to twist my face to disagree. I knew it; I shouldn’t have help him in the first place and just let him fall to the stairs over and over again than this moment to happen.

     He pushed me to the door—his lips still on mine—and closed it, he put one of my arms around his neck, I heard the lock of

 

 

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the door clutched, he must have lock it, obviously. He let go of my lips and followed the line of my jaw, why am I not fighting this? I could’ve punched him by now.

     “This means you forgive me already right?” he whispered to my ear. I know he’s smiling crookedly now.

     “You’re really drunk…” I tried to push him away but he caught my lips again and I’m getting weaker.

     “You’re saying?” he murmured.

     “Adam?” I heard Shane said. “Are you here?” he tried to open the door. Great, just great, my boyfriend a few inches from me and here I am, making out with my ex. I’m so stupid.

     “Ah, yes… I just got home…”

     “Have you seen Alyson?”

     He held my hands tighter. “Nope… of course not, it’s her day off, right?”

     “Yah, but she dropped by here…”

     “Ah… well, maybe downstairs…”

     “Why is your door lock?”

     “Uh, did I lock it? Maybe my door is broken… I’m just changing clothes…”

     “Oh… well, I’ll just check if she’s with Phoenix…”

     “Yah, maybe…”

     “Okay…” I heard his footsteps fading. He must have gone straight to his pets’ room.

     He took a deep breath. “We’re alone again…” he said after he peeked.

     “Sorry, but I really need to go now… I shouldn’t let this happen… you’re really drunk… sorry…” I finally let go of my hands, since I got my strength back, and wiped my lips with the back of my hand.

     “Alyson wait…” he turned me around again and hugged me tightly.

     “Let go of me…”

     “I’m sorry…”

 

 

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     “I’m already trying to forget about you… on what happened, but whenever I see your face, it all reminds me again of the past… and I know you’re trying to do the same thing as well… can’t you see that what happened to us is just part of the past?” I pushed him away. “So just please let go of us already… because I already did that when I left two years ago…”

     “No, I’m not seeing that… because right now, you’re still the only one who’s in my mind…”

     “Then open your eyes… there’s a lot of girls out there who I guess deserve you, if they do… or if you deserve them…”

     I went back to the living room and sat to the couch like nothing happened. I took the glass of soda and took a sip on it, just in time for Shane to see. I took the napkin and wipe my lips gently.

     “Hey, where have you been?” he asked.

     “At the bathroom… sorry it took me so long…”

     “Oh, that’s okay…” he said sitting next to me.

     “Um, I think I need to go now…”

     “Wait, we didn’t even start the movie marathon…”

     “Um, maybe next time… I’m not in the mood anymore… and I’m a little sleepy anyway, I’ll go get Phoenix now…”

     “Okay… I guess I just gotta give this popcorn to Adam…”

     “Sure…” I kissed him on the cheek.

     I took Phoenix back and went straight to my car. I can’t believe I didn’t stop myself back there. I can’t believe myself, I never did gave Shane a chance— yes, now I’m admitting that I can’t really love him more than a best friend— and just for one night, it’s like two years of effort on forgetting him, gone to waste and I’m still in love with him.

     I reached home by nine. I put Phoenix down, and then headed to the kitchen. I’m pretty hungry now, since I declined the popcorn.

     “Hey…” I said.

 

 

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    “Oh hey sweetie… did you eat already?” my mom asked.

    “Not yet… so what’s for dinner?”

     “We just ordered a box of pizza, I had a feeling you might be hungry so we left you some slices… and just get the soda from the refrigerator… I’ll just go to Amy’s house…”

     “Okay, thanks…” I opened the box and there’s still three slices left. I took the box and soda then went to the living room and sat at the couch and turned the TV on.

     I took a slice then suddenly froze on what the reporter was saying.

     “…the unknown, reuniting again? Yes, it is confirmed that the band is back on track with their girl lead singer Ms. Alyson Smith. We heard some rumors that Ms. Alyson got back after two years of studying in a culinary school in her hometown, Boston and now a chef on the restaurant so called the spices, which is being managed by Mr. Adam Cyrus, the other lead singer and her ex.

     “Could there be something between them again? Could the spark be back? But there are also some rumors that Ms. Alyson is seen with the other band member Mr. Shane Cyrus, together a lot, could she already moved on from the lead singer to the guitarist?”

     I quickly changed the channel. How did they know that I’m working in the spices, when I just work there for two weeks? I decided to just watch a movie—which the name I don’t know— and continued on eating my slice.

     After I eat, I went to my room and checked my emails. But I don’t have one, so I just went straight to bed. I just wish that what happened tonight is just a bad dream, including on what I’m feeling, especially on what I’m feeling now.

 

     I woke up at eight. I’m trying to remember my dream, but I have no idea what it is. I quickly change and had breakfast. My car won’t start again so I decided to take the bus.

 

 

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     I went straight to the kitchen and put my chef jacket and toque. I haven’t seen Adam yet, but I guess he already forgot what happened last night, especially on what he’s saying, since he’s really drunk.

     “Hey, good morning…” I said.

     “Morning…” Valerie said.

     “Hey, our always first customers are early…” William said.

     I made their usual orders and served it to them.

     “Hey, how come I didn’t saw your Ford in the parking lot?” Shane asked.

     “My car won’t start again… I just let my dad fix it…” I mumbled.

     “Okay… then I’ll drive you later…” he took a bite.

    “Thanks but no need… I’ll just take a cab…”

     “Don’t worry I’m bored at home so that’s nothing…”

     I looked at Nate and he just nodded. “Oh alright…”

     “Great… besides that’s what boyfriends do…”

     “Um, I need to go now… Kyla will be coming…” Nate said.

     “Oh okay… I’ll just finish this…”

     “Okay, bye…” he went out, still holding his sandwich.

     “So, what did you do when I left?” I asked.

     “Movie marathon by myself…”

     “Oh… well, we can do that next time, I guess…”

     “When?”

     “My next day off…”

     “Okay, I won’t forget that…”

     “Sure, promise…”

     “So how about you, what did you do when you left?”

     “Eat, sleep…”

     “Really… you didn’t turn the TV on?”

     “Well…” I bit my lip.

     “So you saw the whole?”

     “Not the whole… I turned it off quickly…”

     “So, which part did you watch?”

 

 

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     “Um, only the ones that’s about the reunion of our band…”

     “That’s all?”

     “Yah…” I lied.

     “Really…”

     “Like I said, I’m really sleepy last night…”

     “Want me to tell you the whole story?”

     “Nah… I’m not interested…”

     “Why?”

     “I’m not into gossips… especially if it’s about me…”

     “Really…”

     “Yah…”

     “Okay, so what time is your out again?”

     “Nine…”’

     “Okay…”

     “You sure you want to drive me home?”

     “Of course…”

     “Shane…”

     “C’mon, I’m your boyfriend… I should be doing my job…”

     “Okay, if you say so…”

     “Well, unless you’re not really treating me as your boyfriend…”

     “Shane…”

     “You don’t need to tell me, I can see it in your eyes…”

     “Are you becoming like Nate?”

     “No… you’re just becoming more predictable…”

     “Really?”

     “Yah… you don’t notice?”

     “Nope…”

     “Well, I have to go now… bye…” he stood up and hugged me.

     “Bye…”

     He suddenly kissed me on the cheek. I just let it go. I turned around and I saw that Adam was looking, though he quickly turned around when he notice that I saw him.

 

 

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     The day passed quickly, there’s not much customers today, unlike the other days. We just sang out like we’re in a concert, only now there are a lot of us. I took off my uniform and went outside to wait for Shane. It’s getting cold so I put on my black jacket.

     It’s already nine thirty but he still didn’t come. I’m just afraid to take the bus or cab and upset him when he arrives and I’m already gone. Adam went out, closing the restaurant. I notice that there’s no other people left except for me and him.

     “What are you still doing here?” he asked.

     “Um, just waiting for Shane…” I muttered.

     “Sure he’ll come?”

     “I guess… he’s the one who insisted on driving me home…”

     “Are you two dating?”

     “What if I say yes? What is it to you?”

     “Ah… nothing, it’s none of my business…”

     “Good you know…”

     “Of course… oh yah, I’m sorry about what happened last night, I was really drunk…”

     “Sure…”

     “And what I said last night—”

     “Isn’t true… of course… don’t worry, I didn’t believe you…”

     “How can you be sure those are not true?”

     “It’s obvious, isn’t it? That’s what being drunk means…”

     “But I did remember you say you forgave me…” he smiled crookedly.

     “Did I?”

     “C’mon, you kiss me back…” he said approaching me.

     I move backward until I hit his car. “I did not kiss you back…” I lied. I tried to keep myself from blushing and locking my eyes from him.

     “Really… and how can you explain what happened?”

     It’s becoming windy. “Well, I guess you being drunk make you stronger…” I bit my lip.

 

 

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     “You’re smarter than that, Alyson…”

     “How can you be sure?”

     “I know you better than that… why are you lying to yourself anyway?”

     “I’m not lying…”

     “Really…”

     “Whatever…”

     “Did I really became stronger, or you became weaker?”

     “What do you think?”

     “I think you really did become weaker…”

     “You know, I’m not the one who became drunk, so how can there be an effect to me?”

     “Really…”

     “Could you back off a little?”

     “Well, that’s my car…”

     It’s becoming windier. “Ouch! I think there’s something in my eye!”

     “Let me see…” he took my hand and looked at my eye and blew it slightly.

     I heard a horn of a car. I turned around and it was Shane. “I better go now…” I pushed him a little to make way to Shane. I went straight to the passenger’s seat then looked back to Adam. He’s smiling crookedly, though I’m not sure if it’s to me or to Shane.

     “Hey, I’m sorry I’m late…” Shane said faking a smile.

     “That’s okay… hey, um, what you saw in not what it looks like, he just—”

     “What are you apologizing for? He didn’t do anything wrong, besides, you’re not mine, and I guess, will never be…” he faced straight, without taking a glimpse at me. He’s driving faster now.

     “Hey, I already said that you’re my boyfriend, right?”

     “Alyson, action speaks louder than words… you said I’m your boyfriend but that’s not what you’re making me feel… it’s like

 

 

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I’m still just your best friend… yes, you said I’m your boyfriend, but you act like Adam is…”

     “I’m really sorry, but I already told you—”

     “That you only treat me like a brother… yes, I’m already sick of it… but you never ever told me that you’ll fall in love with him again…”

     “I’m not in love with him…”

     “Don’t make me a fool Alyson… I saw him—”

     “Blew the dust off my eye…”

     “What?”

     “It’s really windy and some dust went to my eye… he just blew it off… I knew that you might misinterpret it but, I still have some hope that you wouldn’t…”

     “Really?”

     “Why would you think I’ll kiss him?” I asked myself the same question.

     “Well…”

     “C’mon Shane, two years is enough to get the heart move on…” am I really telling Shane this or myself?

     “Sorry I judged you…”

     “That’s okay…”

     “So, do I have another shot on you?”

     “Shane…”

     “You’re breaking up with me already? C’mon, I just misinterpret and I lost my girlfriend?”

     “Well, you’re right, I know how it hurts for you to love me but I don’t love you back the way you want me to… and I can’t take it if everyday we’re hanging out and your hopes are still up and I’m still trying, but I just really can’t…”

     “I didn’t get what you just said… but I know one thing, we’re already over… and we never became one…”

     “You understand?”

     “No… so, do you have anyone for me to date again? For sure you already have tons of them…”

 

 

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     “Hey, you know Valerie?”

     “One of the waitresses?”

     “Yah…”

     “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend?”

     “Single…”

     “Not my type…”

     “Why?”

     “Um, too old for me…”

     “Um, earth to Shane, you’re twenty years old, not seventeen… she’s twenty as well…”

     “Oh… but I just really can’t…”

     “Hey, you’re asking for someone to date, and then you’ll suddenly say no?”

     “Well…”

     “I know you; you want friendship first… so why don’t you try to get to know her?”

     “Oh alright… but if I don’t get along with her…”

     “That’s fine… at least you’ve tried…”

     “Okay…”

     “How about Candy as well?”

     “The other waitress?”

     “Yah…”

     “Hmm…”

     “Wait, never mind, forget it… she’s twenty-four… and you’re too choosy and you don’t date girls older than you…”

     “Good you know…”

     “Why do you have to be choosy?”

     “I’m not that choosy… it depends on the girl…”

     “Really…”

     “We’re here…” he stopped the car. “But I still only date a girl at my age, or maybe younger…” he said twirling my curls.

     “Um, but you had only one girlfriend, right?”

     “Excluding you, yes… but I still dated, remember? Like you, only had two boyfriends, but still dated…”

 

 

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     “Not a lot…”

     “Thirty for one year…”

     “That’s just one night to them…”

     “Sure… whatever you say…”

     “Bye now… thanks for the ride…”

     “That’s nothing…”

     I got off his car and walk straight inside. My dad is watching a baseball game while I guess mom is already asleep, since I can’t see her.

     “Hey…” I said.

     “Hi honey… why are you late?”

     “Well, Shane said he’ll drive me home, but he kinda came a little late…”

     “Oh… okay… just good to know… you know, he’s really a great boy, it’s the right decision for you to give him a chance…”

     “We already broke up…”

     “What? When?”

     “Just this night…”

     “Why?”

     “He understands… I don’t need to tell you about it…”

     “Okay… sure, that’s not my business anymore…”

     “Sure dad… I’ll go to bed now… night…” I hugged him and went upstairs to my bedroom. At least my dad didn’t insist on knowing the whole story on why we broke up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Reviews

[Victoria Scott]

man...i wish she'd fall in love with shane! he is so awesome!

[blackrose24]

i pity shane too.. but still love the flow of the story..

[mmzx]

sigh. i pity shane. lol.