Words (Complete)

I both want to tell you everything,

but also keep it close.

This feeling is familiar, 

I recall it now that I think on it.

But it's different.

There is no certainty,

And there's a certain thrill,

with uncertainty,

a hopeful glee,

that too is scary. 

I understand better,

what is commonly described.

I have felt loss of a possibility,

a too late situation,

leaving in its place a despairing,

a mourning,

for what could have possibly been,

and an innate inability,

to leave it be. 

I have felt this in a familiar, similar way,

riddled with uncertainty in all the wrong places,

in a way I shouldn't have.

That tells me this feeling,

this feeling that I feel now, 

is different,

from what came before. 

That now,

it is what it is supposed to be.

Uncertainty is,

and it is refreshing,

and it is wonderful,

and, I'm certain, terrible in the best of ways.

It is, in one word, still something new.

And maybe that is something in itself. 

The words are not what I aim for,

but they are words.

That is because of this. 

A key to myself as well.

Inspiration,

and so many other things,

and not quite inspiration,

but more,

so so much more to do with me,

which would not have otherwise been possible, 

so it is inspiration,

in the end,

I suppose.

A conundrum.

The words are further away.

How fleeting it can be.

Unpredictable.

There one day,

gone the next. 

How quickly something can be unwanted.

How quickly something can change.

Exhilarating,

waning,

unwanted,

neutral,

accepting,

silly,

meant to be. 

It makes sense now,

it not meant to be.

It has made sense all along. 

And it has revived my know,

of what it is supposed to be,

in it's entirety,

from the sparks of life,

to waning all the way until the end. 

Sometimes the mind focuses on things of insignificance,

The cards said to go with flow, 

yet I interpreted,

I hoped,

and I didn't pursue,

the new,

not completely.

Now,

instead,

everything is open,

and maybe, I believe, for the better.

Nothing is certain,

but new friendships blossom sweetly,

and friends are always worth pursuing.

There is hope. 

Hope,

and happiness,

and eagerness,

which are stark against dark edges pressing in,

wishing to consume. 

The edges are too obviously present,

when alone. 

Doing keeps them at bay,

keeps them from shrinking the lighter area. 

Yet doing,

makes it at times, 

more clear that the edges exist. 

The edges are not meant to disappear,

but they can be pushed against,

pushed back.

What will help push the back?

I said everything is open.

The cards said to go with the flow.

I have not interpreted,

but I have hoped,

do hope.

I pursue the new,

something completely new.

Friendships,

sparks,

excitement.

There is something to this.