Writing Love on Foggy Windows

Heartbreak Records #3//When his eyes speak and voice breaks worse than mine.

"There's a cavity in my chest 

where you come and go, 

lighting fires up to my eyes.

Your damp eyes hang 

in tiny droplets of torture

and I stroke your face saying,

'Baby, we'll be all right,'

but I know there's an emptiness 

between your bones that 

I can't start to saturate,

breaking your heart

before we even began.

Vapour collects in my chest; 

baby, you can stay here tonight,

writing stories about us in the fog

and kiss until the air becomes so warm 

our words melt and fall victim to mortality

like our love."

Author's Note

The light's falling like a golden chiaroscuro on his face, illuminating the broken amber in his eyes, and his arms reach out and tug onto my shirt.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

so hard to get one to trust us when he or she has been hurt so many times...hard to convince that person that we are not the one who brought heartbreak in the first place...we are not the other.

i have been in a few relationship where that has worked both ways at the same time...and that left us at quite an impasse.

j.

[Alice Poésy]

Ah, such wise words, Jacob. Chain reactions and vicious cycles can be our biggest enemies.
read moreAh, such wise words, Jacob. Chain reactions and vicious cycles can be our biggest enemies.

That is interesting to hear. It's a constant fight of pushing each other back that unfortunately it hinders progress...

Thank you for stopping by! Always a pleasure.

[emipoemi]

I like this.....I like this very much. I cannot help but cringe at the repetition of "eyes" so soon without a proper transition word, and I'm debating whether it's a personal thing or not. It might end up just being so, in which case you can leave it all as is (or take it into consideration - your call). This is amazing, though! That ending gave me chills (the good kind). Well freaking done!

[Jamey]

I love the first stanza! Great poem

[PhoenixDown]

"Raw" is what this makes me feel. Just those first lines speaking of a cavity in which something comes and goes. Tender. Raw. Makes me tighten my lips and want to look away, but even beauty can be found in a swamp. This is very lovely, for being so blue.

Well done Alice,

Phoenix,

thank you for sharing.

[Neal S]

Beautifully written. I really like this!

[Paul Bell]

Two broken people lost in a world where love belongs to others.
Will time mend this. Who knows. Would like to think so.

[aLittlePain]

Hello Alice :) this is exquisite. Each verse pours emotion, giving me an intimate sense of this. I love that you've allowed us to learn this scene from the inside by the inherent qualities of the characters. I can actually picture them their eyes soft lines on their faces probably from smiling. I imagine gentle hands.... :) Sometimes we have to learn love again strip away what we knew before and let the experience unfold naturally. That gentle ebbing love where we actually learn each other. It's hard to do but I can say it's worth it. I'm so pleased I dropped by. R xo

[Kelly Scheppers]

Your author's note reads as eloquently as the poem itself.

"our words melt and fall victim to mortality
like our love."

How well I remember writing upon those foggy windows. This is beautifully captured, Alice.

[Alice Poésy]

Thank you so much, Kelly, for always leaving such lovely words! Those foggy windows; they give the best memories and tears to our hearts.

[Valentine]

Love on foggy windows disappear s in the falling rain or mornings warmth. Valentine

[Alice Poésy]

Indeed it does, Valentine, indeed it does. Both the beauty and tragedy of it.

[WittyWonka]

I am like the subject in your piece - the one who is beyond repair and, in my case, the one who has decided to stay away from love so no other gets hurt. Great writing, Alice!

[Alice Poésy]

Aah, such a bittersweet feeling to be the subject. I hope you are content with whatever choices you make, my dear.

Thank you so much for stopping by!

[1VJ]

I'm reminded of lovers etching two hearts in the sand, only to be quietly washed away. A moment in time stands still, barely audible in its undertones. Third verse is killer good. And your author's note is persuasive unto itself and could stand alone poetically.

[Alice Poésy]

That first sentence: I couldn't have put it better myself!

Thank you so much for your thoughts and review, Paloma. You always leave such wonderful words for me to read!

[1VJ]

Goes without saying, you always leave such wonderful poetry for me to read! Pleasure is mine.