Rusted

Rusted

A Poem by ARLorenz
"

Written painfully

"
Orange grittiness covers my fingers
Dusting my keyboard with crooked strokes
Back in the old spot

Same chairs
Same order
Same people

Heavy, my thoughts collect like goo 
around the edges
viscous and resistant

I begin
directionless 
hoping to regain my agility 

Brushing off the grime 
Scraping with my fingernails
to remove the the oxidation 

And then, wonderfully,
there is clarity   

© 2016 ARLorenz


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Reviews

Writing without punctuation can be difficult for the reader at times, so, if I may, I'd like to suggest a little tweak: from my second read, I realized that "back in the old spot" was not exactly part of the previous two lines, so it should have either its own line or be part of the second stanza (but aesthetically speaking, AND poetically speaking, it would be good to have it on its own line). Also, there's one "the" too many at the end of Stanza 5. Other than that, my goodness!! This is talent! Not sure if anyone has defined you as a poet yet, but you have the skill of one. This is amazing! Well done!

Posted 6 Years Ago


~ i like the way you write... so real and yet so poetic... just like clarity... when it suddenly arrives... and when it does... it doesn't seem like one has been waiting endlessly...

Posted 8 Years Ago



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2 Reviews
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Added on August 20, 2016
Last Updated on August 20, 2016

Author

ARLorenz
ARLorenz

PA



About
I'm unsure how to construct this About Me section. What do you want to know? I write about myself in an exaggerated fashion. This keeps me honest and critical. I don't read poems much but that'.. more..

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A Poem by ARLorenz