A beginning

read it... it's short

Golden Threads of God

When the world was sung into being by the messengers of God, wild powers were accidentally loosed and soon turned against their masters who called themselves the Anntual.  For eons the Anntual fought to destroy the Gurni, the power they released, but with strength to match their own, it proved futile. 

Not until Earth’s third age was Thalamus, a young messenger, summoned before God’s Throne.  Standing before the dais, Thalamus stood ready to carry the word of God.  But he never appeared.  As time passed, Thalamus, believing in God and that he would not come early, nor late, but exactly when he wished to, stood ready for his arrival. 

For one-hundred-seventeen consecutive cycles of the moon Thalamus waited, still as a statue, waiting for his lord.  Only after the long cycles did a child –a girl- arrive.  Small in stature, with hair spun of gold, she came dancing into the room, bounding from one foot to the next singing a child’s nursery tune.  Not knowing what to do, Thalamus stood, watching; only the slight relaxation of his arms and the movement of his eyes gave away his livelihood to the girl.

“What’cha doin’?  What’cha doin’?” she chanted as she skipped toward him.  With one great hop she landed three hand-spans away and smiled up into his blank face.  “Watch’cha doin’?” she asked again.  “I’m waiting.”  Thalamus said in a deep and spiteful voice.  “For what?” she chirped. 

“God.” He said, this time annoyed.  She only cocked her head and asked, “Who’s that?”  Shocked, Thalamus began to speak, but suddenly stopped as he met the girl’s eyes.  They were pits.  Endless pits filled with everything and nothing at the same time, filled with knowledge, yet empty of the confidence it provides.  What stood before him was an anomaly. 

Thalamus did not know what to think.  No creature he knew contained what this girl did, but even though he knew, he knew she was singular, one of a kind, alone.  He could not put his finger on what brought this assumption to surface, but he knew he was right.  This girl was special. 

As the child cocked her head the opposite way, she gave Thalamus an inquiring look.  Something in Thalamus was then released and his features quickly softened.  Thalamus, slightly more relaxed, slowly bent his stiff legs to level their gazes.  Standing inches apart the two looked each other in the eyes; one completely relaxed, the other looking on fearlessly. 

“G o d    i s. . .”

Author's Note

yea, there are some Tolkien similarities... I'm sorry.

Reviews

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

Some notes: "it proved futile." - try "their actions were futile" or something. Might sound a bit cliched, but that's up to you.

"Not until Earth's third age was Thalamus, a young messenger" - awkward phrasing - I would try "It wasn't until..."

"As time passed, Thalamus, believing in God and that he would not come early, nor late, but exactly when he wished to, stood ready for his arrival. " Okay, I'm going to be mean and honest. I love that you did this, but LoTR fans everywhere will rip off your head - and it's too obvious that you are trying to vary sentence structure, so your sentences sound awkward. You can say the same thing without taking mass amounts from LoTR. Example :But God di not appear. It seemed to Thalamus that this was a test" or" As time passed, Thalamus knew nothing would rush God, He would only come when He was ready, when Thalamus was ready, and Thalamus was prepared to wait...." See? Same idea, but I won't get sued. :)

""What'cha doin'? What'cha doin'?" she chanted as she skipped toward him. With one great hop she landed three hand-spans away and smiled up into his blank face. "Watch'cha doin'?" she asked again. "I'm waiting." Thalamus said in a deep and spiteful voice. "For what?" she chirped. " - remember, whenever someone new speaks, start a new paragraph.

"God." He said, this time annoyed. - If Thalamus was annoyed, would he 'said' anything? I think he would shift, uncomfortable, or maybe give her a lowering gaze before trying to focus once more...

I love what you did with this - the mood and emotions and style of your writing come out very well. True, I am picky - so you should wait for a second opinion. Funny,isn't it - I bet if this was a book and I was reading it, I wouldn't be picking at these little details...

[Raef C. Boylan]

In the future, do you plan on making the introductory passage a bit longer, or giving us more insight in other chapters? Seems like that battle was quite a big deal.

I like the concept of him waiting patiently all that time, technically reduced to statue status.
Good ending for this chapter, should make the readers intrigued about how he'll decribe god to this girl.

typo:
" "God." He said, this time annoyed " [he]