Impressions

This poem is when the protagonist realizes that she is in love with her best friend, who has already passed away the summer of their senior year in high school.

Your love emulates everything on this bountiful earth
Each kiss gravity's force; luring me on to this dangerous course.
Every hug is the sun to a growing flower; influencing its warmth, nurturing it hour by hour.
Your touch resembles sweet sanity; stable then suddenly turning into calamity.
Your words turn into swords; swiping and ruining the soft  melodic cords..
That were once the lyrics I lived by; that determined my tears, smiles, and challenged anything that did defy..
Defied my heart that beat so loud, defied myself, who I once made proud.
Oh yes, your love is everything to me; every print in the sand and every wave in the sea.
Every first hello and last goodbye; every blushed cheek and first time.
Every laugh out loud and cries unheard; every fight given up and dream deferred.
Your love emulates everything on this bountiful earth; every star wished upon and "for what it's worth"

Author's Note

Please provide feedback! The plot of the story is about a girl, named Charlotte Stevenson, who loses her best friend, Noami Caldwell, right before the summer after they graduate high school. Charlotte always complained to Noami that summer would be so much better without bees. Throughout the days without her best friend, Charlotte becomes very retrospective about the friendship they shared and comes to the realization that Noami resembled the bee more than she could imagine. She was intelligent, hard working, persistent, but most importantly, dangerous. Nobody came too close to bees, or to her either, because they would be stung. However, Noami was poisonous in another way. Becoming too close her would reveal Charlotte's deepest darkest secret, she was in love with Noami and would never get the chance to tell her..

Reviews

[Relic]

The rhymes sound a bit forced an unnatural in lots of spots to me. Pay attention to where the accent falls in rhymes as well. For instance sanity and calamity. In the word sanity the accent falls on the first syllable. But in calamity it falls on the second. When it come to rhyme, counting out accents or making the syllable count even helps although its not mandatory.

The lines themselves could be tightened and made shorter too. The last line sounds unfinished. Overall a good poem. Sorry if I'm too overbearing. Perhaps other writers would disagree with me.

[Lexi]

Relic, you are not overbearing at all! This is the kind of constructive criticism I was looking for when I posted my poem up on here. I will definitely be taking everything you said and applying it to my revisions, thank you so much!

[Relic]

Your welcome.

[Relic]

Oh btw, your author's note is very well written. Have you thought of writing this in story form rather than poem form?

[Lexi]

Yes! I am writing a novel, but it will be set up as journal entries, some of them being poems that Charlotte has written.

[Jorge Aldana]

Its great I like the consistency!