Just a few heartbeats away

Her heart stopped beating when she saw him.

My heart stopped beating for you today.
I saw you smile in a distance, and it just stopped. Right away.
It felt like a fire had been lit aflame in my heart.
Melting, smoking, rising, burning; all a bittersweet symphony, an art.
I could feel my body's need for oxygen due to my lack of breath.
I just stood there, in a daze, despite the burning in my chest.
Soon, my legs collapsed beneath me, my hands started to shake,
But my eyes never once left you, even in their wake.
People started to point and stare at me, the girl laying in the street.
Some started to poke and shake me, always careful not to break me.
Some muffled a cry of horror, while others tried to call for help.
They picked me up, away from your smiling face, the face that stopped the world; my heart as well.
I wanted to cry out, but I was petrified, frozen.
They were taking me away from you! My one and only haven!
They pushed on my chest, and tried to give me breath,
But it was too late.
For my heart stopped beating, when your gaze drifted my way.

Reviews

[Daniel]

Oh, wow.
This is like a tragic love song.
Very well written but sad, yet again.

However, I find it refreshing that she loved him so much that by just a glance, he's able to make her feel like that. On the downside, I don't like that he unintentionally kills her. It makes it all seem too... tragic, I guess is the right word.

Great write, though. :)

[Rain Kissed Secret]

It was interesting, very.. imaginative. I wouldn't of came up with it, and my mind is pretty funked up. I don't necessarily think that her heart should have stopped, but it may be just you trying to prove a point.. I can see her imagining all of what just happened, but maybe not it actually happening. I think it would have been a better piece if that were so. But you did okay. It was a good write and it still is. ^-^

Rain

[Kayla_May]

i love this one great job! so sad! do you need a hug or something! =P haha really great write

[Courtney Elizabeth]

i love this!!!! ur wicked good (:

[RiNNA<3]

wow, amazing work here. absolutely amazing(:

[abejoyal]

powerfully written. it embraces a prosaic form thats infinitley appealing. nice job.

[Alisa_the_fluff_ball]

This is my absoulte favorite piece of yours of ALL FREAKING TIME!!!!!!

^_^

--Alisa_the_fluff_ball

[Lexi Nicole]

Very, very powerful piece of work. Beautifully written. Kind of like a love story gone wrong, in a way. Great work!

-Howl

[bluessadmood]

That was very nice..yes thats love,its works like that..and even more
Its very embaressing..just like the poor girl here,when she was trapped by his eyes,and smiles
like a fire started in her,burning ,melting ,bitter sweet symphony..it took her breath away
here legs collapsed and hands shaken,people started to wonder and hurried to the poor girl lying on the street ,to give her a hand
poke her shake her out of her ill and poor state,tried to restore her beats lost
at seeing him..they just did not know that his face stopped the world and her heart..
I really loved your little drama,you told it so well..ohh yes surely thats love..and more
lovely write..

[deeps]

I really enjoyed your imagery in this piece.
This is sad but so well written.
I like your style.

[Sean M. Addams]

a really cool piece like the rhyme pattern in this and the imagery is awesome.... overall a very good write.... fav lines...I saw you smile in a distance, and it just stopped. Right away.
It felt like a fire had been lit aflame in my heart.
Melting, smoking, rising, burning; all a bittersweet symphony, an art.
I could feel my body's need for oxygen due to my lack of breath.