Entry 5- Flashback.

So you see, in the past, since my birth my mother hasn’t been there. Don’t get me wrong, I do realize that every family has its problems and no one is perfect but it seems to me that the effort these people put forth to make everything seem so grand is a waste. Every single family member I have fesses up to nothing. My father for example, he is in denial about his whole life. He knows he has lost me. Heck! He knew I was getting lost among the crowds in the streets of life but his refusal to believe anything he knows in his heart is true, kept him from helping me. That summer I started taking note of the strange circumstances around the house regarding him and my step mother. I noticed that they were yelling often over minuet things. I noticed the fakeness in there tone aimed at one another and the tension in every room they entered together. For reason’s I don’t know, my step mother had done a complete one eighty as I grew. She started out as a beautiful, kind, fun loving mom figure to an ugly, horrid, fun sucking troll.  The more I ponder it I’m sure my father’s mid-life crisis during the months of April and May that year had something to do with it, but in the wake of this particular summer her wrath was inclining to an all-time high.  Back to the present, I often flash back to those times. That could be why the summer I turned seventeen I had plenty of nightmares, ones always ending in peril. I know what drove me to the madness that would soon come. It was my uncanny ability to lock everything up inside. If I wanted to cry, lock it up. If I wanted to scream, lock it up. If I was angry or sad, lock it up. Pushing everything down inside of me was my way of dealing with things but the more you fill a pot of water to the top, the closer it gets to boiling over.