Corruption and Purity Are Interchangeable

           When you sit there and begin to wonder, you know you’re doomed. From the second you question why, there’s no turning back. It will change your entire consciousness. One will always oppose you, but whence you jump into a stream, you have to ride it to the end. You can’t jump into a new stream until you finish the one you’re in. And in my opinion, streams fork and split off into separate paths, but they never end. At least I’ve never found an end.

            Sitting next to a stream with turns and twists, forks and a strong current, I thought all of this. It was undeniably true " to my life anyways. I’ve always believed in a similar thing. I never had one of those ‘epiphanies’ some do and changed my mind altogether. My beliefs have just slowly morphed into something completely defining me. To what subject matter am I addressing? The subject can change everything down to the type of rocks in the bottom of the stream.

            Aren’t all the beliefs we have related to one another? So I suppose it isn’t too unjust to rant about mine. Of course, you need not follow them. I deeply enjoy arguments, not that they have ever changed my opinion to the latter side; only confirm what I already think. But when asked a simple question like “Do you believe in a God?” is asked of me, my mind goes on a twirling path through everything I’ve been through in my life.

            Rationally, how can a Being of such immense proportions exist outside our world? Are we a snow globe with a controller looking at our universe from the outside? If science can prove what Gods once stood for, then did they exist or did we create them ourselves? That also points out, is our science wrong; another form of a God that might or might not be true? Science is accepted across the world, but religion once was too. In the future, science could be replaced completely by something else.

            If the work of Gods and Goddesses can be seen across the architecture of all civilizations that have ever existed, then aren’t they real? Can humans all find the same reasons without contacting each other? Granted the styles have changed over the centuries, but the same imaged show through.

            If they are real, then why does it differ from polytheism to monotheism? Do some believe no God is great enough to embody all that we know true and thus different Gods and Goddesses represent differing things? And others think there is one Being great enough to do all these things? Does this irrationalize the whole situation? If the number of Gods differs, then did we really just make it all up?

            Can a God with such immense power really want each of us to succeed? Can They control everything we do? Can they turn Evil? Have they done it in the past? Did they always exist, and that’s what wiped out the dinosaurs and created us?

            I have never read the Bible, only bits and pieces of it, but I’m quite certain that dinosaurs aren’t there at all. Was religion only alive with humans, meaning we made it ourselves? Did the ancients not know of the existence of life before our own? Are we too full of ourselves to believe that the world doesn’t revolve around each of us with a single force connecting us together?

            This leads me to the irrational. Through all of this, if you still believe, why? What have They done for you? They are unseen Beings who somehow control our lives? Some claim to have known them, seen their true forms, embodied in light " but people lie. How do you know they aren’t now?

            If Gods and Goddesses true forms are blinding light, why? If one believes, they control the corruption, or allow it to exist. Either way I see it, they should be surrounded in darkness not light. Purity doesn’t belong to those destroying it.

            If Gods protect us, why does so much go wrong in our lives? If one says we corrupt ourselves, I ask of them, why would they allow one they loved to murder another they loved? If we are all equal, why do some live and some die by others hands? Why do Holocausts happen, sending our world into turmoil? Do They just turn a blind eye to it all? And if They do, why should I worship them? What makes Gods so deserving?

            Gods are full of darkness. Without it, we wouldn’t know darkness, we would only know light. Therefore, the Gods cannot be light. But, what if it’s a trap? In some religions, white is Evil and darkness is God. Shouldn’t they agree with one another? Does light and darkness translate differently from certain languages, making the meaning blur over time? Also, why do some say there are Evil Gods, and others think there aren’t any? If our beliefs differ so much, which is right, or are neither correct?

            With all these questions, nothing is certain. No one can know all the answers. It all comes down to what you believe. The unanswered will remain unanswered until a deciding force acts on one’s life " one that you can’t return from. If you could, the mystery of belief would be ruined for the next generations.

            I wish I could answer these questions. If I can answer them, I will find the end of the stream, and I can stop drowning in the current, unable to completely die. A true solution, the end of the stream, is somewhere up ahead of me. And I will find it. I can’t live if I don’t. I can’t stand not knowing.

            With that final thought, I lifted the knife I’d had in my hand this whole time to my chest. I plunged it deep into my heart, laughing as I watched the blood pour down my white clothes, staining them; mixing corruption with purity " an intangible combination.

 

The end of the stream is always just out of reach . . . Unless you are a God . . .