Tears for the End

A girl reflects on the effects of a lost friendship and overcomes her anguish to reach recovery.

Slowly, I ran my fingers over the engraved lettering, memorizing the curve of every letter, and spelling them out in my mind; Best Friends. Feeling the cool metal under my fingertips, I looked out to the reflection of the moon gleaming on the dark ripples of the waves. There was a gentle breeze blowing in from the ocean, rustling the grasses in the sand dunes behind me. I dug my toes into the sand, wrapped my arms around me, and sighed. It was all over.

            I thought we were always different. We spent more time together than either of us did with anyone else. You knew everything about me, and I, to you. We’ve been through the worst things together and we have always kept each other strong. We have made ourselves strong.

I guess it didn’t matter. And even now, when it’s over I cannot understand what happened. I receive no explanations or even the hint of a reason. But through all of this I have never spoken badly of you. I have never felt anger toward you. I have never stopped being your friend, even though you’ve stopped being mine. Why?

It has been almost two years now -- almost two years since you have spoken a single word to me. I wish I could hate you for it, and blame everything that has gone wrong in my life on you. I can’t. If you had never ended our friendship, I would have never found myself. All this time, another person has been on the outside, while I hid inside, terrified someone would find me.

Because of you, I am free. That’s why I can’t hate you. Everything that has happened in my life since the day you turned your back and walked away would not have happened without the first push to send the dominoes falling. Looking back, it’s amazing how much I’ve matured these two years. No one could tell from the outside, but inside you wouldn’t recognize me anymore. We were so close before all of this. And now I know we never will be again.

I have come so far, and I have almost healed. But I haven’t let you go. These last two years, you haven’t even known I existed. I will never completely forget, you are so important to me. I need to heal from this. I have to let go. I’m sorry.

And with that final thought, I stood and threw the necklace into the ocean, sending with it my memories. Finally the tears came. I have to let go.