Fallen Tears

A tear falls from my eye and burns down my skin as it glides down my cheek. I look at my reflection in the water - streaked with my black oil tears. I look hollow and lifeless, but what I feel is probably worse. I feel completely alone, as if no one could hear a single scream that leaves my throat. I dare not scream. I dare not disturb the life moving on around me. 

If I sit long enough, maybe the world will accept me. Completely motionless, I ponder a life where I’m happy. A life I think I could be happy with at least. I’ve never known happy. All my life I’ve only known okay, and worse. I’m so used to the hollow feelings. If I go days without it, I can trick my mind into thinking its happiness. But then I feel it creep back, and let its tentacles wrap around my vision. Then I am in its grasp again, and only scenes of pain and torture reflect in my eyes. 

When the darkness engulfs me, I wish I could sit in the middle of an icy field and freeze my mind until its numb, and the feeling goes away. I probably need help. But I’m too far into the darkness to want it. I’ve shut down so much, nothing else can touch me but the cold and the darkness. 

The birds chirp as the sun rises, ending the blackness. But I can’t see it. All I can see is my life burn, as I feel the tears burn down my cheeks.