Holding on to nothing

Dear _____,

Sometimes I really feel like this is the end of the road for me....when I look ahead I only see darkness, nothingness...dead ends at every corner....ever since I fell in love with you my whole world changed. For the first time I believed that I had a future, that there was still hope even though the chances were so faint.

There is no one out there who'd listen to me. Because there is no one who'd understand what I'm going though...no one knows how hard it is to let go of something that you valued so much...they'll just tell you to get over it...if they were in my shoes probably they'd know what kind of a torture that is...it's like pulling out a knife that you'd been stabbed with.

I still think about the times when we talked hours and hours about our lives and other random s**t...you lit me up like fireworks baby! I just can't accept that we had nothing between us! I refuse to believe that you never loved me, even after all that we went through together...the good and the bad...how is that even possible? Even in death no one will ever be able to make me believe that you left because you felt nothing!!

All those times you ignored me or didn't reply to my texts I still waited, for a sign,
For something...even though you put me through all these punishments, I still believed that you were the one, my knight in shining armor!

How could I not see this coming? How could I not understand that this was just an illusion pulled over my eyes so that I wouldn't see the actual truth? Why the f**k did you play with my feelings when you knew I loved you? Why break me piece by piece rather than shattering me in one blow?? Is it because I'm not pretty enough? Is it because I'm not smart enough to match your standards? I may seem like a stalker who's just obsessed and infatuated but know this-there is no b***h in this world who would give you what I could've given you. There is no b***h in this world who would've submitted to you and there most certainly isn't going to be a retard who would choose to hold onto these ropes which were so fragile and thin to start with. I'm not the kind to blame everything on you but I just can't do this anymore! How could you do this to me b*****d?!

I still can't let go Ash.....I miss you...I love you from the bottom of my heart...please look back Ash, I'm suffocating, drowning in a pool of sorrow and you're nowhere near...come back Ash please...please...I'm begging you...

Author's Note

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