Dwindled Little Scar

A little letter for someone....

Dear _______,

I really have nothing in my heart for you. I feel like a hypocrite when I say that because why on earth would I be writing about you if didn't still feel for you? Right, those feelings are illusions. It's just a memory, a scar among many others that have tainted the color of my soul.

Let's be honest I'm a f*****g drama queen for writing a big a*s letter every time I get hurt, every time I fall, but it's the only way to find a release. I find clarity through my writing, and there are answers within my own words for I know it all but am too naive to realize it myself.

I don't wanna be biased or anything, I mean cmon why would I wanna blame it all on the devil for my condemnation when I was the one who chose to sign a pact with him? So here's my mistake. I gave you everything, I loved you too much and I dived too deep into my own fantasies. I let my weakness show and I made a move I shouldn't have. I only put your arrogance to the test, oh what an idiot I was.

You compelled me. Your sent, your words and your dirty little demons, they clung onto me like glue. You were like a drug, irresistible at first, but now I show no withdrawal symptoms. I should've known that it was i who crafted a world where we could spend an eternity together, and not you. For there was never an "us" there was only "me" in my world, and "you" in yours. How was I supposed to conquer your land when I wasn't even in it?

And how could you not? Did the word love mean nothing to you? Why would you push me away? Why be such an adolescent, like you've seen and endured everything in life? How could you not love me, even after all those days I spent talking to you, helping you, being there for you when you said there was no one? How does that make me just a friend? Was all that I did made you assume that I did it because I was just a friend?

I loved you so much, that I poisoned myself with guilt, sadness and anxiety. You always made it seem like it was my fault that everything between us is in pieces. How foolish I was to love a person who I knew but then didn't know at all... How did I fall for a nutshell? My curiosity had led me far into the darkness...

You know I can't even talk to my friends about it anymore because it's become so overrated and exaggerated. So why do I always end up like this? Is it because I chose poorly, or because I anticipated too much from a person who would never meet my expectations? Did I ever consider that? I mean, were you really the man I dreamed you'd be? You rule your world you don't let anyone else influence it, so me, and her we were probably just obstacles. Not her actually...I don't know about myself.

You do what you think is right. It's your decision after all. And I really like those friends of yours, always being so loyal and majestic, and skeptical....I picture all of them burning in hell...because they never wanted us to be from the start, like pouring water on dry wood so that a fire wouldn't start...how pathetic they are. And I thought they were my friends too.

Someday, someone will see these scars, and he will gladly find a way to heal them. I want him to look deep into what you've done to me, what they've all done to me...how they butchered me in my innocence and took away everything from me. He will fight for me, as my king. And when that time comes, it'll be us against the world.

You are beginning to become more and more insignificant my little scar. Just like the others, fading into fine dark lines.

Goodbye then.

Sincerely, Me.

Author's Note

Please rate of you liked it! And let me know your thoughts in the review section below. Thanks for the support :D

Reviews

[Janine Boiselle]

You're piece speaks for itself, being that I think you answer a lot of your own questions. However, I think that it suggests that even after writing this letter, you are still not "over" this unsaid someone, given that another "someone" who comes your way will heal your scars for you. Maybe my interpretation of the letter isn't important, but in a way it is, depending on how you want people to read it. Since this is such a personal piece, are you sure you want constructive criticism?

[Alexandra]

I don't mind constructive criticism :) if it helps me improve. But yeah this is very personal and yes you are right. I'm still struggling to let go