Vibrator Death

My biggest weakness = my Softness. When i        NEED

to Come, i picture       You looking at me before We

kissed for the first time. i wasn’t sure if You              were

with Your Girlfriend despite her ***eighteen*** paintings

on the walls of Your apartment.    Who are you kidding

i don’t think i cared.               Better

i let the word “rehab” mean “She       is a distant memory,

ephemeral, but you are                here, you, present tense.

So let Me do the      honour of f*****g you.” ambiguity

in Your fidelity, my guilty pleasure. Could i learn to hate

myself more for that? The room swelled with sweat and

Your Cheeks,     unusually pink. The wine     We drank

pruned my mouth   You wet it with Yours as you entered

me. You looked like You knew    just what to do with me,

like You’d maybe fucked me in a past life.  ¿?   One You

recalled but     even when squinting i only recognized as

~d e j a  v u ~        It hurt. Not the type where You stab

until bodies stick, a muscle     gives in. You wanted to see

ME         writhe in discomfort. Will You deny this? Ruin

the fantasy. Youflippedmeover to run my tongue against

the length of You PORNSTAR An audience should’ve

been invited to see the performance We put on,    well

after it all, that’s what We did:::: perform.  Your facade

against mine. i deserved !! a p p l a u s e !!     You didn’t

want a relationship. Lit cigarette. Mattress on the floor.

Non-committal-Guy-from-your-MFA style. We   really

had done it: evolved into adults     on our television sets.

Mature youarenothingtome  above the            confines

of monogamy. That night i lost     my debit card and ID

as i fellacrossparadiseloungeandthenontothe      streets

BLACK     OUT

$100 bill, bus pass, photo of my sister’s graduation. Every

one heard this version: i walked home from aaaa hmm

coffee shop? and    everything spilled  from my wallet.

i will share with You the truth: have You ever had three

weeks of laundry pile up? At a certain point the epilepsy

diagnosis, failed midterm, the bad trip, the dead batteries?

You don’t simply do the laundry; You let it moldandfester,

stare at You until the smell          followsYou everywhere.

You? I? We????         grow       accustomed     to the filth.