Cutting

This poem is about a type of self harm, cutting, that I have been struggling with for a year.

Cutting,
 It's portrayed as something it is not.
 Bad,
 Wrong,
 But no one truly understands,
 Unless they do it too.

 One cut,
 The addiction starts.
 One cut,
 You think about it more and more.
 At first its just a scratch,
 Small,
 Almost painless.
 But that pain is all you need,
 Then you can't focus on anything else.

 Even if you're happy,
 You can't help but think about it.
 The blade piercing your skin,
 Watching the crimson blood fall.
 When you're mad is when they truly get worse,
 Deeper, spilling even more blood,
 Sometimes you don't want to stop..

 Before long,
 You're cutting every single day.
 Why?
 Because it makes everything better,
 At least temporarily.
 Of course you have to wear long sleeves
 You have to hide them,
 But it's okay,
 You don't mind.
 

Soon enough,
 You'll run out of room on your arm,
 So you more to your legs
 There's never enough space.

 You'll end up like me,
 Mostly quiet,
 But I seem fine.
 Until my sleeves get lifted,
 Then everyone knows the ugly truth,
 That's when it gets worse.
 

The names start coming,
 Attention seeking,
 Emo,
 Freak,
 It only makes it worse.
 

You crave the pain,
 It's become normal ,
 Try to walk into school,
 With your head held high,
 It's hard,
 But worth it.
 

No one wants to cut,
 They have to,
 It's as simple as that,
 There is nothing wrong with it.

 You lose all sight of any beauty you thought you had,
 But it's okay,
 Pain is absolutely gorgeous.
 

So go ahead,
 Slit your wrist,
 But be warned,
 They will get worse,
 It will get bad,
 And there's a long road ahead.

Reviews

[Astro]

Well as a poem, it is very well expressed and sticks to its point of view preserving the integrity of the voice in the poem. There is one small typo here, "So you more to your legs" where "more" = "move". As for the topic, well the vulgarity of how this act is perceived makes it a difficult one to see as poetic, but I think you have done a good job at disputing that perception. I don't know if this is a true admission by the poet or a work of fiction, but nonetheless I wish to explain that the act can be described poetically and why? First off, no matter who we are as people, some of us have a bad go at life for one reason or another. This sometimes makes us feel numb, or dead inside. Life and death being some of the most profound inspirations of poetry then make this act understandable in those terms. Wanting to feel something anything, and then after the cut has been made, feeling the sting, the itch, the throb of something other than revulsion or depression and anger it makes sense. I don't necessarily approve of it, but to each their own, we all cope in different ways. It is a coping mechanism, because for every cut the body releases endorphins like, dopamine and seratonin and adrenaline. All similarly released when we resort to 'acceptable' vices like drinking and drug abuse. So bravo, at your bravery to discuss this state of being or coping mechanism, it is definitely unpopular. Also, I hope whatever pressures you may or may not feel, depending on the truth of the piece, are soon let up and you are afforded a new strength that will allow you to end this 'need' of yours. Peace.

[alexa.garrison]

Thank you for pointing out the typo, guess I didn't catch that one. And this is a very true story about myself and I am getting better! It's a long road to recovery as I said but I know in the end it will be worth it.

[Astro]

The ones that sometimes seem the weakest are truly the strongest of us all. Stay strong!

[alexa.garrison]

Thank you!

[Astro]

My pleasure. ;)

[Ravyne Hawke]

I too am a self-harmer (cutting as a teen and an adult and burning). It has been 2 yrs since my last cut and 18 months since my last burn. I love your courage for writing this piece and your honesty for how it affects you. The cutting is a way to feel alive.. the burning to feel the high. People cannot understand this unless they have lived through it themselves. Thank you for helping to educate others.

[zaneybear]

you dont even know how much i love this, as a previous self harmer and occasional relapser i completely understand! it's an addiction that is very hard to stop and the people who name call don't get it, if we were attention seekers we wouldnt cover everything, we wouldnt go passed a certain point on our legs or arms where people would see, i just this piece is beautiful and i am now i love with you that you were able to explain it so well i'm just in awe it all flows perfectly it conveys the exact feelings and emotions of self harm, it's an addiction that makes you feel great when done i just am babbling but this was beautiful, you have no idea!!

[alexa.garrison]

Thank you!

[one sky]

A contentious concept but written amazingly with the proper choice of words.

Cutting oneself..wounding..hurting...is described here as an addiction. The person who likes to be in pain is a masochist. It is rather a disorder that should be treated...

[alexa.garrison]

Yes, I know. I have a lot of issues and one happens to be addictive personality disorder. However, cutting sends endorphins to your brain which can be an addicting rush, a natural high so to speak.

[AYVID N]

Amazing write. My heart goes out to all suffering this way. I hope things work out for the better...

[B-poet]

This is very well expressed and written poem. Great work shedding light on such a controversial topic (cutting) that has to do with people who are unfortunately under its spell & influence.

[annie lee]

This an eloquent explanation about a condition that I have to believe can be addressed by therapy. You say yourself it is a compulsion. I have heard cutters say that the cutting is the only way they can be sure they are alive; the pain proves it. But to keep doing it, trying to hide it with long sleeves, scarves, or whatever, then it almost sounds like a love affair with someone evil -- someone you cannot resist and someone everyone else hates. A toxic addiction, as destructive as heroin or crack, can carry the addicted farther than they ever dreamed they would go. You describe this condition graphically and thoroughly -- and I am frightened for you.

[alexa.garrison]

I am in therapy with multiple different therapists and I have scars over most of my body. I have almost died and there are nights when I justcan't stop. Thank you for commenting but no need to worry about me as I am still here. :)

[Ronald J Chapman]

But no one truly understands,
Unless they do it too.

Something I could never and probably will never understand. i have always found it easier to punch a hole in the wall instead of punching a hole in to my body. i did break my hand once. My doctor told me to use a punching bag next time instead of the wall.

excellent

[Cassie]

More of someone abusing drugs and they have to do it, Nicely done.

[Mark]

I like the honesty of this piece and a look into addiction which is a favorite subject of mine. I have my own addictions and a daughter who has the same one you do. She cuts.

There is nothing wrong with you, but cutting is an addiction and addictions are detrimental to us. I hope you can find help to deal. I am still looking.

[The Verse: A Poetry Journal]

Hope she is in her teens, and grows out of it. It is an awful thing to carry into adulthood.

[Mark]

She's 35 :(

[alexa.garrison]

Thank you and if she needs help I could give some advice as to what helps me if you are interested.