The Red Mile

my first poem...

This man takes his final breaths
As he takes out all his hate
Into this one thick liquid
Vigorously hitting the floor
Making no impression into
The undisturbed soil before him.  

The streets are painted black and white.
They gather to talk, to taunt
A field of mockers were his fate
A herd of sheep, their life, now late.
A masked man doth approach
To take the ultimate reproach
To give him the ticket for the coach.

His shadow tells a story never told.
His face bears the tale
Of one thousand nightmares.
He knows the truth, he
Bears a guilt, he does not rightfully own.
Inform – ere the errand of mercy.

He refuses our plea.
We focus him on a resplendent death
This man has no more breath
His love in this one thick liquid
The red truth makes no impression
Into the undisturbed clay…
 

Reviews

[luke312]

This is something special something you should be proud of for the rest of your life it is tough

great job

[Liam]

Yet again, awesome! I loved

"The streets are painted black and white.
They gather to talk, to taunt
A field of mockers were his fate
A herd of sheep, their life, now late."

The ending is also really cool.

Well done on getting the Top Writer badge, too!

[.:Naiira Harlow:.]

A very different way to describe blood. The colors you use only add to the flow and imagery of this poem. A very artistic and bloody poem.

[Mr. Misanthrope]

A nice poem. I couldn't help drifting off while reading it, imagining all of these events happening. And very artistic, mind you. The colours you mention, however common and basic they are, (Black, red and white) paint a beautiful picture: this poem.

[vindictivesunshine]

This is an awesome first write. Its riddled with imagery and drawn from a place of inspiration. The way the blood takes main stage and is consistently manipulated in the progression, priceless.