If You Can't Laugh At Yourself...

     That was the Friday I learnt the 72 turns on Ottawa and Hope, and I prayed that manna were the wet drops that pelted the windshield as I came off the bus.

 

     Stuck at a bus-stop for 15 mintues, the wished manna turned rain, turned thunderstorm, turned hurricane, and made any sort of movement a mistake. A mistake that made a Camry drench me with water, and i must digress beg your pardon. If global warming causes extreme weather, it causes Hybrids in Toyota showrooms to guilt trip people for eco-destruction and it causes me to choke on rain, whether from the sky or from the asphalt. Either way, my thirst was quenched.

 

     So, like an idiot, I eventually left the stop figuring, "This isn't going to get any better." The idiot was right, but I was an idiot to leave.

 

     Walking in the rain (usually) makes me feel a certain exuberance that is unparalleled to anything I have ever known in this world. Today, not so much. Sprinting when the rain is falling sideways isn't as therapeutic as I had hoped. In all honesty, "terrified" works better, but it still doesn't quite capture the feelings of that afternoon. Luckily no one saw me make an a*s of myself, looking like I was trying to dodge and outrun rain and wind. The solace I took in that fact almost instaneously turned my stomach inside out as I realised I was in a neighbourhood. And as soon as I passed the road island where the yield sign was situated did I just want to die.

 

     Around the bend four lanes of traffic and a bus-stop full of people much smarter than me, greeted me with grimaces and pity. To repay them for their sympathy, I laughed at how they pushed each other out into the rain. If anyone wants to know what is packed tighter than a can of sardines, its twenty-five people under one bus stop escaping the stinging rain and artic winds only hurricane season in Jamaica can offer. But the further I walked, the more people I saw... dry, intelligent people they were. The sprinting had long turned into walking and then into a saunter of self humiliation. I could only imagine what those in the cars said to themselves.

 

     "Two blocks away and far less b*****d-eyes-accusing-me-of-insanity traffic," I thought. Suddenly I became aware of a convenient but rather unfair truth.

 

     "Jesus... is the rain stopping n-"

 

     A Ford F-150 turned a tsumani on me! I licked my lips to try and disguise the humiliation and find the humour. I tried so hard to find the humour...Potholes the size of the average crater on the moon carrying ringworm invested water: God's gift to comic strip writers. I tried so hard to find the humour!

 

     Finally, I'm on my street. But alas, no raft to take me home. Literally, with every step my ankle disappeared. The four year old me would scream with delight. His face would beam so bright, his expression so resplendant. so radiant, the exact opposite would be his stark, sour, sick-of-it-all sixteen year old counterpart's visage of the future. Nevertheless I made it home and approached the lock.

 

     "I wouldn't be surprised if my key fell out in Dad's car again," i sighed.

 

    I found it along with my soaked bus ticket in my pocket. My pocket of all places! The realm where keys seldom reside.

 

     I wiped my shoes on the soaked doormat, realised that I was in fact more stupid than I thought for doing that and then took them off in a manner a gentleman would decribe as barbaric. When one is beyond upset, what is the name of such a state? After not figuring it out, I went inside, changed clothes, ignored the umbrella I forgot that morning and came back to that spot. I needed to hang the wet clothes on the line at the side of the house so I had to return to that spot. My shirt, pants, tie, socks, underwear and dunce cap I wear on my head, for fashion, and to explain to people why I do the things I do. I turned around to see the most unfair of sights: the sun escaping the greyest of clouds. I kept my finger from rising, but the "what the f**k?" could not be detained.

Author's Note

...laugh at me

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

oh yes so nice and funny,its amazing how one small move ,thought was right ,but it can work out to be so wrong move to take ,and things just drag one after the other when we know how stupid we are and not following common sense it will show as a most stupid act that we took ,one mistake could lead to a disaster,but this is really so funny and nice i really liked it a lot ,you are great narrator and great story teller,wonderful ,loved it all

[Jonhoi Vaughn]

My yute... dah story yah mad! U kept this from me! After all them years at high school. And for Chrissake... U no affi mek di ppl dem know seh u come from Jamaica!lol! THis piece beautifully explores the cynical side of you that i know all too well. When I read this poem I was about to take a sh*t!!! But that was cured! Thanks dude!

[JohnL]

Full of droll humour. Unlike others, I did NOT get the impression that you were putting yourself down and my feeling is of laughing with you not at you. However, there were times when the structure took a little bit of sorting out. As an example, I quote Para. 4 - about the 'neighbourhood and the yield sign. All a bit confused for me. Starting the last, longish sentence with 'And' makes it all seem like one long and confusing sentence. I workrd it out in the end and I am not nit-picking - but I just think the whole thing needs tightening up a bit. Not too much or you'll lose the drollery, which is superb in this piece. It is its big feature - I loved it - a great laugh. Was it Phil Harris who used to sing the classic song "Life gets tedious, don't it?" If you don't remember it, let me know and I'll try to put it together for you. It is the definitive droll song.

John.

[Lady V]

It is very true that you must laugh at yourself somedays. There is so much going on that we miss out on life being so mad about what goes on in life. i enjoyed this poem. It made me think of a time I had to laugh at myself. Nice piece

Live, Love and Learn

Lady V

[Alwaysthinking]

I like the rhythm of your writing.

[Angel's Lady]

Potholes the size of the average crater on the moon carrying ringworm invested water: God's gift to comic strip writers. I tried so hard to find the humour! -- This is hysterical!

Finally, I'm on my street. But alas, no raft to take me home. -- ALAS! hahahaha

I laughed! I couldn't help myself. This was very funny, hysterically written, and I absolutely love it! Thank you for writing this!

[Dan Bullock]

For me, too much self-attacking, even from the situation.

Also, some very confused sentences with missing bits that meant I had to read them a few times. There's something I like about the writing though...

It's important to laugh at yourself indeed, but don't put yourself down...you could have been the person watching you ;)