The First Relapse

I remembered how it made me feel.

How I'd die inside.

Such a courtesy to revisit

What was hidden behind books on the furthest of shelves.

 

For within that first relapse,

I remember why I hate myself.

Reviews

[shiloh jennings]

The sounds wont stop:
the rhythmic beating,
the answering breaths,
those autonomic responses --
we're supposed to've developed a blind spot for...
to no longer hear them, no longer perceive them.

But they are the very source of my displeasure,
of my discomfort,
of my despair.

I breath and I lie.
My heart beats and I just wont die.

As if hate were ever a strong enough word.

My life devours me from the inside out
and I have no defenses,
no means to challenge or disagree.

There is no exit I can foresee
There is no release I can allow myself to take.

There is only tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ..... forever more.

-----

whoa, poetry on the spot :) Gotta love when your writing can inspire more writing in someone else! Thanks for the piece (both yours, and creating mine!)

[Brianna Brie]

Those last couple lines get the reader or at least me...ouch. To forget is bliss. Nice write.

[jen -- JG]

Sometime to revisit is a blessing, sometimes not. Sometimes forgetting is a blessing sometimes not.
It is in the living we do now that makes us who and what we are - no matter who or what we are.

The choice may not have always been ours when younger but we can decide to choose at any age.

'What was hidden behind books on the furthest of shelves.' a question, that in itself is an answer, because it leads to ' For within that first relapse, I remember why I hate myself.'

The same thing happens when anyone asks, "What is there, let me see - no you can't it is forbidden" - words such as these excite and promote the thought of "I have to know" and so the forbidden look is taken.

There are so many images as to what these words of yours invoke, from abuse to pornography and anything in between that many people will relate to this in many different ways.

It makes one think.

Cheers

jen

[vindictivesunshine]

profundity in simplicity. damn raw, unfiltered emotion.

[Pink Poison]

I always remember, I wish I could forget but your poem is beautiful and true. The real beauty it in what's geniuine. Great poem...I wish I could forget.

[MagiCrystal]

that's so sad.... and yet so real... thank you Magic