autobiography

I have a weakness for love poems,
For art,
Especially when it belongs to you.

I have a hard time writing poems without the word “I”.
I guess that makes me a narcissist,
Or just lonely.

I need to impress you,
Its something that always burns deep inside me,
I think of ways to inspire you,
And mesmerize you.
Now I guess I'm borderline pathetic.
But I've been walking that line for years.
You're not the first or the last to inspire that from me.

I need to read books that make me sad,
Because that’s how I remember how to be happy.
I know that sounds strange,
But you’ve never read Angela’s Ashes.

I used to be inspired by flowers,
And the harsh glare of neon lights in LA,
But now I'm jaded,
And I take those lights and flowers for granted.

I used to love the sunrise,
And rainbows, and colors named after foods.

I used to love boys,
And manicures and booze.
Until you showed me men and cocaine.
Men don’t care about manicures.
Men care about legs, and flat stomachs, and constant smiles.

So I gave up men and cocaine.
And I love boys and manicures again,
The cocaine never wrote me poetry.
Then again, neither did the boys.

This is my autobiography.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

An autobiography indeed: painful and tragic and full of life's blackness.. until the end.

' I need to read books that make me sad, Because that's how I remember how to be happy.' I've read isimilar before but each time i realise it more and more, so true.

' So I gave up men and cocaine.
And I love boys and manicures again,
The cocaine never wrote me poetry.
Then again, neither did the boys. '

That is so well constructed.. it says far more than appears - great writing.

[Michael]

Never let it be said a poet is not brave. You really put it out there with this one. The duality is about the best I have ever seen in a poem. I really enjoyed the view of you, yet the view of the "he" that created you so to speak.

One thing you might look at, each verse has a turn except for:

"I used to love the sunrise,
And rainbows, and colors named after foods."

You could easily add one with a line like:
"You gave me sunsets, you did not see the difference."

Just a thought, I think it is really good as it is but it did pop in my head so I thought to pass it along.

[Cliff Rhodes]

Oh, Amanda - the little boy lives forever in us men and it only takes the very slightest feminine charm to awaken any interest at all. I once noted that when a woman just blinks her eyes it might be imagined to be a wink. Until I started writing poetry I never even dreamed that it could open up completely new dimensions in love and laughter. I often wondered if it was the poet who was really writing the words or actually the spirit of another who was being imagined. Words are wonderful worlds in and of themselves and create whole beings that never even existed before they found paper or computers. But the real action occurs in the mind of those who read them and we writers are just instigators and colorful clowns to laugh at what joy they bring to those who love to read them. You can be sure that some little boy is reading your words right now and dreaming of what to say.

[Sun Dog]

Hey, this is amazing! You have such a great way of expressing things and making the feelings come across. I was hesitant to read this one cause of the title but it was nothging like I expected. It's well written and meaningful and intense.

PS I'm a boy, lol!

[Anna Writes]

"I have a hard time writing poems without the word "I".
I guess that makes me a narcissist,
Or just lonely." --hmm, i really like this part..great write by the way..thanks for posting! :)

[Ken Simm.]

I love the way this starts. The weakness for love poems. But then I find the rest just as remarkable, insightful and very well written.

[Anthony Thomas]

I really related to this line "I have a hard time writing poems without the word "I".
I guess that makes me a narcissist,
Or just lonely."

That's just great. I'm the same way with my poetry. I really feel the stanza about the sad books. I love sad songs and sad stories. This was really excellent and well done.

[gravitylava]

Damn.

"I need to read books that make me sad,
Because that's how I remember how to be happy.
I know that sounds strange,
But you've never read Angela's Ashes."

I love that part. I feel that way too sometimes. Great poem. It's full of emotion that's not spilling off the page like some poetry i've read. It's contained and it makes it an excellent read.
nice.
-michelle

[Forest Green]

Whimsically revealing. I wonder what truly seperates the men from the boys.

Cocaine is surely a threat to talent...and sanity.

I enjoyed this...

Daniel

[Alessander]

I like this. Edgy, and raw.

It can be streamlined, but then again, you can also go the other way and make this into a prose-poem.