in your arms

 You asked me once,

If I could let you go.

And I said yes.

Hoping you would come back,

Because I made myself,

Into the perfect woman for you.

 

I shaved away little pieces of me,

So I could fit into your arms.

And now im left with this stranger,

Who is me.

But I hardly know myself at all.

 

Author's Note

work in progress... im completely open to suggestions... =)

Reviews

[darkgurl]

"I shaved away little pieces of me,
So I could fit into your arms.
And now im left with this stranger,"

I love these lines right here, I think your write is perfect the way it is, you add anymnore it would take away from the view point of your poem, I think it's wonderful the way it is. Well written...Kim

[Barbara Walker]

Love this piece! This piece speaks to what I worry about for women. Always changing ourselves to fit some guys meaning of perfect. I see even young girls do this and in the end, they don't know who they are. Ah, Women, just be your beautiful self and don't settle for less than the man who loves the real you!

[JB Murray]

Brutally real... I think almost anyone who is on touch with that literate/artistic side of themselves can understand and sympathise with this one... once again... another one of your poems inspires me to turn it into a song... I must ... read... more... lol. Enjoyed it! Look forward to more...

[angry_pandit]

wow, that is one of the most honest pieces i have read in a long time. gr8 !, as you are looking for suggestions, i think you could be more graphic with your words, imagine your reader to be a sailor stuck on his raft, all alone midst an evening storm with rains and occasional lightning from the dark blue sky, and your words are the waves that he is trying to fight, overwhelm his spirit with yours. the idea is to topple his boat and sink him in your expressions. :)

[Life Calling!!!]

in progress? I think this is quite a complete piece in itself! I would suggest something though...do write in a bigger font please...

Amanda, this is a beautiful piece....a really touching work of art....I am amazed at how such simple words can convey a meaning so deepa nd profound....I guess your bio says it all!

Keep up the good work....I've read only this one piece, but am really curious how your other pieces are....that's the best thing about a writer/poet...one piece is enough to make you decide whether you want to read further or not....

God Bless!

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Very insightful and telling. I don't think anyone can suggest where you're going, but I can say that you're going into a great direction!

"I shaved away little pieces of me,
So I could fit into your arms.
And now im left with this stranger,
Who is me.
But I hardly know myself at all."

Incredible stanza!! You have a great talent and I await to see where you go from here, but the premise is great, entertaining and relatable!

[Suzy Sunshine]

Ooooh. Harsh. I love it, though. I love how you so openly talked about changing yourself for this guy and then he leaves you and you're a totally different person that you don't know. It's to real and true. You wrote it beautifully. I feel like a really know you're feelings. I can relate. Keep writing! You've got talent!

[Arthur Crow]

The words are exquisite and heartfelt ... a tender flow of sad hues and dreamy wonder. Very well crafted.

[Angela H.]

I have read several of your pieces today and feel your heart in them. I appreciate poetry that really lets me in. While I love a good wordsmith, heart is what I'm looking for.

I like the opening best: You asked me once/if I could let you go./And I said yes./Hoping you would come back,/ Because I made myself,/Into the perfect woman for you.

It is such a natural thing, it seems, for certain of us women to "shave away little pieces of ourselves," but your painful recognition is the start of your reclamation.

I don't know if you are interested in proofreaders' critique, but if so, I would suggest looking again at your punctuation.

I like your work.

[The DuchessPoet]

You give me so much though you words... your passionate perception is alluring and amazing while it touches our hearts!
This is, in my humble opinion, the expression of a poet singing the song of love, desire and disappointment!
You are a POET progressing!

I love this piece!
Very well done and written!

[just is]

I gave you my poetry,
And im left with nothing,
No words in my head.
Nothing to describe what we shared.
And I go to bed every night,
With this stranger.
I wake up every morning,
Hoping to be okay with who I am.
And you've taken that from me.

I like this i don't think it needs anything else the message is presented, this is very well written.