alone

 I wake to find you gone,

 

 And I wonder if you even stayed the night,

You couldn't be here with me for long,  

I'm just that miserable today.

I turn to the right,

Half expecting money on the dresser,

It seems appropriate in a funny kind of way.

The dresser... empty.

My room is devoid of all thoughts of you,

Except your flowers,

And the scent of your cologne,

I cant even escape you when I'm alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[April Child]

I like the line about money on the dresser, that really brings home the feeling you are conveying here. I think you could chop the next lines out, you don't need them to back-up the previous line, the meaning is clear. I would also remove the lines "You couldn't be here with me for long, I'm just that miserable today.", again I think they dilute the piece. The message is strong without needing to be told how you feel, you show us well with your image of the money on the dresser, the flowers and the lingering scent of cologne. I hope you don't mind my suggestions... they are just suggestions and don't get me wrong I like your piece very much, I just see a couple of changes that could make a good poem into an outstanding one.

[Staci Brown]

i definitely agree with April Child. you have caught the essence with line about the money being left on the dresser. that is such a great, heart wrenching line!

Faerie Blessings!

--faerie whisper (breaking the silence...)

[Kitty]

This poem so totally describes what I'm going through! I'm never sure if I'm just another mistress on his list or If I actually mean something to him. But yet his scent stays with me. He is all I think of, whether he is with me or far away.

I love this poem!!!

Another great write!

Josie

[laughingwolf]

the feeling of being used, like some common w***e, is profound, m'dear... well crafted!

[Gandré]

this is sweet and psychologically interesting poem. I thought, you would lie down and thinnk "come heavy sleep, the image of true temptation... and close up thsese my weary eyes".
a wonderful sweet poem. I liked "My room is devoid of all thoughts of you,

Except your flowers,

And the scent of your cologne," --------this was shadowing the charme and this longing in your chest. hmm. loved it.
thanks for your interest for my person, but I don't have a friends list. I keep them in my heart. if you like, you are there now, too.
regards,
heidelberg, germany
lara gandr�

[Leran Vakem]

It is said "It is better to have love and lost than never to love." In a way yes, but in this piece you show the effect of the love once found lost. We are stuck with the pain. The image of money on the dresser, most knows that feeling, and some even better.
Well written
Leran Vakem

[Too Me]

You poem describes very well the pain of love lost, but still remaining in the mind. There are many kinds of 'love' in this world. The purest kind , the kind you deserve won't cause pain! Hang there! Peace - Lana

[Mimozi]

You capture the feelings of longing and loneliness really well in this piece. That tender state of mind when we read rejection into everything while everything corporal or non reminds us of that person.
Really nicely done.

[Orlando Murcia]

I can't even excape you when I'm alone
These are great lines
Well job with this piece

Awsome work

Orlando Murcia

[John Stussy]

Wow you captured that loneliness quite well. Great job on that, I agree the comment of expecting money on the dresser holds a strong impact, one of the lines that stands out the strongest.