alone

 I wake to find you gone,

 

 And I wonder if you even stayed the night,

You couldn't be here with me for long,  

I'm just that miserable today.

I turn to the right,

Half expecting money on the dresser,

It seems appropriate in a funny kind of way.

The dresser... empty.

My room is devoid of all thoughts of you,

Except your flowers,

And the scent of your cologne,

I cant even escape you when I'm alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[April Child]

I like the line about money on the dresser, that really brings home the feeling you are conveying here. I think you could chop the next lines out, you don't need them to back-up the previous line, the meaning is clear. I would also remove the lines "You couldn't be here with me for long, I'm just that miserable today.", again I think they dilute the piece. The message is strong without needing to be told how you feel, you show us well with your image of the money on the dresser, the flowers and the lingering scent of cologne. I hope you don't mind my suggestions... they are just suggestions and don't get me wrong I like your piece very much, I just see a couple of changes that could make a good poem into an outstanding one.

[Miss Shea]

I really, really like this piece. A lot.

Its beautifully worded. It has reason. It has emotion.

But, i do think that the font is too large [[excuse my OCD, please.]]

C'est g�nial!

[emmajoy]

My, my what a bittersweet poem and how I can understand the words! To some extent I agree with the reviewer below, but, maybe when we empty out the mind in words we write too much to exorcise our sadness. See how you're feeling in a while, maybe make an alteration here or there - or not!

In the meantime, the poem is constructed well and flows quite fluidly.. the font is bold, maybe that's because you'r e shouting 'Look, this is how I feel, this is what you've done to me.'

'I cant even escape you when I'm alone.' - that last line says so much.. it's the sadness after the hurt, maybe some anger, I don't know, it's how it seems.

[Frankie]

I got a title for the sequel. Alone 2: Dark Territory!

[Arthur Henn]

Smiling upon this one...I really like your style of writing. Its only my second one of you piece I have read, but it conveys another message. Very good.

Art

[Laura E. Aranda]

This is the first piece I have read by you and I can't wait to get to the rest.
Oh! By the way, are you going on America's Next Top Model. I used to watch that all the time and feel in love with it. I hope the best for you! You are beautiful and obviously creative and writing-talented....Good luck and keep me updated!!!!!!!
I want to hear from you and see you on there!!!! CHeers,lea

[Christine]

I really liked this,
"Half expecting money on the dresser,
It seems appropriate in a funny kind of way."

I know exactly how that felt.
Again, your poems really convey the pain. Great Write!
~Christine :-)

[Bhavya Kaushik]

"The dresser is empty,
My room is devoid of all thoughts of you,
Except your flowers,
And the scent of your cologne,
I cant even escape you when I'm alone."

Wow! This is awesome....So beautifully written but sad indeed!
The poem is conveying a very strong message which April Child mentioned in her review and I really love to read thoughtful poems like this!
It is very raw and full of passion!
great work!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I found the hurt and emptiness of emotions so very well expressed in this piece... a truly unique and emotional write.

[Jackie Joker]

I like this alot. It is something that I think most people of the world has experianced. I can tell the emotion as if I was it was accualy happening to me just by reading it. Good job, keep it up. =)
~Jackie Joker

[Adrian K. Smith]

I have never been one to believe poetry should be edited, but that is probably why I am not a poet - not a writer - and just a hack. This is how I read it:

He left.
He left you alone without a goodbye.
He got what he wanted and got gone.
He only wanted what he got, not you.
You feel he treated you like a w***e (the money on the dresser thing was FerREAKING awesome, by the way).
It is a funny time to cry not a funny time to laugh moment.
He does not live there - he only visits.
He paid with flowers instead of cash.
He haunts you after he has gone.

I did not see any waste - nothing that detracted.

But I am not a professional reviewer nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night...