Stars

Stars

A Story by AndyLazer
"

A very short story of the beauty of the stars from the planet Nirvana.

"

“This is as far as we will be going tonight.” Galina said to the two human boys who trailed behind her.

 

Up ahead a clearing in the forest overlooked a large valley. The three of them approached the opening slowly in anticipation for the cresting view from the hillside. The group had been walking for nearly 12 hours through the murky terrain of the forest, tactically hiding under the towering trees from the telescopes and scout ships lurking above.

 

The wind blew hard against their bodies as they stood at the vantage point. It was dark but you could still make out the surrounding mountains and outlines of the goliath-sized trees that filled the landscape. The middle of the valley was cut by a large river that sparkled as the reflection of the stars danced across its tranquil waters.

 

This was the boys’ first glance of Nirvana’s nighttime sky. Their eyes squinted as they adjusted from the dark forest to the bright stars. A beautiful backdrop of purple and blue shades lay across the sky as if stroked from a paintbrush. Bursts of colorful light filled the night sky leaving no place for the blackness to hide.

 

It reminded the boys of the firework shows back home. Only these fireworks were frozen in time capturing the graceful display without ever dissipating into debris and dusting the dull Earth. Those firework shows were merely impersonations of the true beauty of the stars.

 

Galina examined closely as the boys drowned in the night sky.

 

“Marvelous aren't they?” she probed. A small nod was the only response. “Is it true that…”

 

“We can’t see stars from Earth.” Confessed one of the boys. “The light from the stars is drowned out… What we called stars are nothing more than old satellites…. skyscrapers…. jets…”

 

“Space stations… planes…” the other boy added. A small tremble in his lips.

 

Galina watched as a small tear race down the boy’s cheek and leapt from his lip. Light from the stars cast through the small drop as it sparkled and danced its way to the forest ground, where it too had vanished. 

© 2014 AndyLazer


Author's Note

AndyLazer
Just another short story for practice. LOVE ALL FEEDBACK.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Reviews

Hey Andy - very nicely done. Good imagery, well paced, simple yet connecting characters. Technically solid as well. Although, one thing I did notice, was your (possible?) overuse of the word 'as'. Try reading through with that word in mind and see if you agree. If not, it's all good. Keep writing (as if one could stop!); I feel your best is yet to come...

Posted 10 Years Ago


Hey! This is nice, very dreamy. I get the sense that Galina and the boys are hiding from something, I think that really adding the pressure of that threat would lend their viewing of stars more significance (not necessarily *saying* what the threat is, but conveying their fear, etc in some other way). I like that we're given these characters without much backstory; the focus is on the emotion and that's nice especially for shorter stories. Hope this was helpful. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


AndyLazer

10 Years Ago

Wow thank you so much for this wonderful feedback! Yes I hope to add more to this and all of my 'sto.. read more
I love the imagery in this piece, it's enchanting. I could see all the sparkles and colors... I loved the way you described it because you really never said exactly what this place looked like or what this magical girl even was, you left it up to the imagination, and that paints an even more vivid picture than if you were to describe every single detail of the scene. Awesome writing, keep it up! :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


AndyLazer

10 Years Ago

Thank you so much Mary! At my writing level I really enjoy leaving a lot of the imagination up to th.. read more
absolutely beautiful I literally was there with them but you didn't have to say much. I don't know how you do it! well done!

Posted 10 Years Ago


at first i started to get a chill down my spine as i thought something bad for going to happen. but im glad it had a humble ending. you are a great writer. Therefore would you be so kind to look at my story trembling heaven. thanks

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


AndyLazer

10 Years Ago

Thank you for reading and reviewing! I sure will :)
This story is absolutely singing! Elegant and sophisticated,yet, clear and simple. Beautiful piece.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


AndyLazer

10 Years Ago

Thanks so much for reading!

Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

282 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on June 5, 2014
Last Updated on June 5, 2014
Tags: Space, stars

Author

AndyLazer
AndyLazer

Seattle, WA



About
Just a 25 year old guy who has always wanted to be a writer but I don't spend enough time writing. Hoping to get some practice now. more..

Writing
The Arrival The Arrival

A Story by AndyLazer