Address to the lasses

An address to the lasses I wrote for a recent Burn's supper

Address to the lasses                 

 

I’ve just been asked to mak’ this toast

O’ clever rhymes I canna boast

An’ if yer lugs just end up wincin’

Just gie them baith a bloody guid rinsin’

 

I’ve heard it say that men’s frae Mars

And women hail frae Venus

Whit tripe!  Women hae their hormones

And men have just hae their penis  

 

With a’ their mony foibles

They tak a lot of pleasin’

Don’t try to win an argument,

they’ve no recourse to reason

 

At times oor women drive us daft

Their logic only makes us laugh

We try to help, we keep on asking

‘you’re no bloody use at multi-tasking’

 

Her driving tests me to the edge

I mind that time we hit the hedge

But och, its maps that her confuse

enough to drive this man to booze  

 

And if we think our woman’s fickle

We only need some slap and tickle

tae while away the wintry nights.

‘It’s murder getting aff these tights.’

 

 The same excuses aft frustrate

‘I’ve PMT, it’s getting late!’

I ken at times they’re a’ guid cause

But noo she got the menopause

 

Oozing beauty, fair of face

oor better half is fu’ o’ grace

She always wears a lovely dress,

“thank God we’ve shares in M&S!”

 

If truth be told we need each ither

Mither, faither, sister, brither

Without the lasses we’d a’ be lost

up s**t creek, much to our cost.

Noo it’s time to profess our devotion

We’re no that guid at expressin’ emotion

Flowers or chocs we gie o’ oor best

‘Whit are ye after?’ They answer in jest

 

I’ll noo confess that a’ this teasin’s

Only for the best o’ reasons

We really ken oor women are

for us, the very best by far

 

Noo gents, up aff yer asses

Raise your glasses

An’ toast the lasses

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I will wholeheartedly confess that the "weaker sex" is often the stronger (i.e. demanding) one in relationships. Men bow down to women in the most rambunctious ways, it seems. Especially in my family, where there's a long line of dominating women, which is one big reason I never got married. I knew I would immediately become this bossy caricature you've painted in words. Now only my dogs know what a ferocious b***h I can be. Now about your poem. This is perfect dialect treatment. Very purposeful & clear & well-executed. I love the many detailed examples to show instead of tell. What permeates is that this is a loving tribute . . . you clearly bow down to the stronger gender willingly, possibly even joyously *wink! wink!* Fondly, Margie

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for your lovely words Margie. It aS written with the purpose of reciting at a Burns supper and it did get a few laughs because they all knew every word was true. I'll not say any more in case I get into trouble with the 'boss'.
Enjoy the rest of the summer.
Alan

[Jimmy Yetts]

Most entertaining.
A cleverly fashioned piece of work.
Well done, Alan!

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for your kind review Jimmy. It was all just fun of course. I would never dare to say such things about the fair sex.
Take care.
Alan

[poetgurl]

Very clever writing, I loved this, found it very creative

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for your kind review A. It was just for fun and seemed to go down well when I read it.
Take care
Alan

[Neville]

I was smiling all the way through.. love the spellin which helps understand where ya coming from.. the noo
got the galls off a treat.. must be a girly thing coz they're the same round here... but where would we be without em eh' N:)

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Neville, I found this nonsense from a Burns supper a few years and thought it was worth sharing. I'm glad you got something from it
Cheers,
Alan

[Neville]

Och aye tis I who should thank thee bonney lad.. and do.. the noo

N :)

[Beccy]

Ever so clever and well versed, really enjoyed this alan. Just shows how much we need each other.

Beccy.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Beccy. I think the ladies knew I was only joking. This kind of humorous rhyming verse was my writing thing for years until a manic episode gave my brain a jump start. Now I'll try anything!
All the best,
Alan

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Betty. Just a bit of tongue in cheek fun. Ouch - she has my arm up behind my back! No joking , where would we've without you?
Look after yourself.
Alan

[Betty Hermelee]

First you complain about your women, then you can’t live without them; a lovely poem about relationships, with a bit of wit, needless to say. I didn’t get all the words, but I got the gist of it. I like it very much.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Betty. As you guessed this is tongue in cheek but dare I tell the truth? Take care!
All the best.
Alan

[Betty Hermelee]

Up to you Alan!

[alanwgraham]

My lips are sealed. Ha ha. It's more than my wife is lust - I mean life is worst??
Cheers,read moreMy lips are sealed. Ha ha. It's more than my wife is lust - I mean life is worst??
Cheers,
Alan

[alanwgraham]

Sorry Betty, but that 'read more' thing often appears after I've posted.