Address to the lasses

An address to the lasses I wrote for a recent Burn's supper

Address to the lasses                 

 

I’ve just been asked to mak’ this toast

O’ clever rhymes I canna boast

An’ if yer lugs just end up wincin’

Just gie them baith a bloody guid rinsin’

 

I’ve heard it say that men’s frae Mars

And women hail frae Venus

Whit tripe!  Women hae their hormones

And men have just hae their penis  

 

With a’ their mony foibles

They tak a lot of pleasin’

Don’t try to win an argument,

they’ve no recourse to reason

 

At times oor women drive us daft

Their logic only makes us laugh

We try to help, we keep on asking

‘you’re no bloody use at multi-tasking’

 

Her driving tests me to the edge

I mind that time we hit the hedge

But och, its maps that her confuse

enough to drive this man to booze  

 

And if we think our woman’s fickle

We only need some slap and tickle

tae while away the wintry nights.

‘It’s murder getting aff these tights.’

 

 The same excuses aft frustrate

‘I’ve PMT, it’s getting late!’

I ken at times they’re a’ guid cause

But noo she got the menopause

 

Oozing beauty, fair of face

oor better half is fu’ o’ grace

She always wears a lovely dress,

“thank God we’ve shares in M&S!”

 

If truth be told we need each ither

Mither, faither, sister, brither

Without the lasses we’d a’ be lost

up s**t creek, much to our cost.

Noo it’s time to profess our devotion

We’re no that guid at expressin’ emotion

Flowers or chocs we gie o’ oor best

‘Whit are ye after?’ They answer in jest

 

I’ll noo confess that a’ this teasin’s

Only for the best o’ reasons

We really ken oor women are

for us, the very best by far

 

Noo gents, up aff yer asses

Raise your glasses

An’ toast the lasses

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I will wholeheartedly confess that the "weaker sex" is often the stronger (i.e. demanding) one in relationships. Men bow down to women in the most rambunctious ways, it seems. Especially in my family, where there's a long line of dominating women, which is one big reason I never got married. I knew I would immediately become this bossy caricature you've painted in words. Now only my dogs know what a ferocious b***h I can be. Now about your poem. This is perfect dialect treatment. Very purposeful & clear & well-executed. I love the many detailed examples to show instead of tell. What permeates is that this is a loving tribute . . . you clearly bow down to the stronger gender willingly, possibly even joyously *wink! wink!* Fondly, Margie

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for your lovely words Margie. It aS written with the purpose of reciting at a Burns supper and it did get a few laughs because they all knew every word was true. I'll not say any more in case I get into trouble with the 'boss'.
Enjoy the rest of the summer.
Alan

[Coyote Poetry]

I loved the complete poem Alan.
"Noo gents, up aff yer asses
Raise your glasses
An’ toast the lasses"
I have joined in the toast. Thank you my friend for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[alanwgraham]

Many thanks Coyote. I think we all know who the ruling sex is and part of their skill is they let us believe we are on top. Im quite happy to be under their thumbs.
Take care
Alan

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right Alan and you are welcome my friend.

[Kastor homes]

Robert burns was the reason I got in to poetry, more specifically address to the devil. my favorite poem ever.

I love everything about this poem. its witty, exceptionally written. if I saw this in a burns book I wouldn't bat an eye. I would have thought it was him that wrote this.

a good nod to the big ein. it was a pleasure to read.

[alanwgraham]

Many thanks Kastor. Being Scottish we learned about Burns poetry early but it is of universal appeal. It's a pity the old Scots makes it tough for the reader. Well done for picking it up. I wrote this for a Burns supper and got a good response.
All the best.
Alan

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Very good! So filled with humour and excellent metre and rhyme. The second stanza simply knocked me out had me peein' ma trews! This is an epic I hope went down well.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks again John. These rhyming verses are where I started and I have fun with them.
All the best.
Alan

[Chris Shaw]

Love the humour in this write Alan. All in jest cos you know you couldn't get along without the lasses. I'll raise my glass to you here and say it's a fun read and so entertaining. Hope you and yours over the border are doing OK.

Chris

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Chris. I had fun writing this. We do need each other. Our brains do work in different ways but thankfully it usually works.I
Take care,
Alan

[Helen Crutchett]

What a fantastically clever write! Alan, you have women summed up to a T. Laughing here and I can just imagine your Scottish accent reciting this out loud. Well done poet!

~ Helena ~

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Helena. This was just fun and I can't risk saying otherwise!
All the best,
Alan

[Helen Crutchett]

LOL, you're welcome my poetry friend!
~ Helena

[Gee]

Love it. Showed it to my Ayrshire wife, she loved it, especially the lingo.
Clever man you Alan, clever :))

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Gee. It was fun doing this and every word is true! If your wife is frae Ayrshire she'll ken a' about Rabbie.
Cheers,
Alan

[Unspoken poet]

I am laughing my butt off here, This is so creative and so well written. Love this write so much.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Kay. This did appear to go well when I recited it a few years ago and I believe they realised it was all (most!) Tongue in cheek.
Take care
Alan

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Jamie, I hope the Scots didn't prove too hard for you. This did seem to go down quite well when i read it at a Burns supper and I hope the ladies didn't realise it was tongue in cheek - well most of it
Hope you are coping with this situation OK - I know how lucky we are here in the country compared with the big cities.
All the best,
Alan

[Beano]

A toure de force, Alan!
“thank God we’ve shares in M&S!" really made me laugh! The whole thing was full of joy, humour and gentle good sense! I loved it, from start to finish! Jamie.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for your lovely review Jamie. Of course the ladies knew there wasn't a word of truth in this- ha ha! I ha fun writing it.
Hope you are surviving this mess.
Take care.
Alan

[Beano]

Thank you Alan, and you too! X