To A Man - the mousies riposte

My attempt tae turn Robert Burns poem 'To a mouse' on it's heid

To a Man - the mousie’s riposte

Muckle, ower daft, hard-nekit, craiturs  

O what an maistery's in thy features

I ken that mony are feart o’ mice

But mousie traps are nae sae nice

 

I’m truly sorry mousie’s span's

Aboot tae slither doon the pan

And justifies yer ill opinion

Ye hae o’ us, yer wee’est minion

 

But think on it, all earth-born mortals

Each ane will tread the murky portals

O’ certain, self-imposed extinction

There’s few acquitted wi’ distinction

 

You’ve brocht us tae a sorry pass

Just tarry lang, afore the glass

Ye’ll see the culprit o’ oor doom

Afore the final curtains loom

 

I’m truly sorry man’s dominion

Has broke oor web  o’ social union

and no' excuse that fricht ye gie us

in oor wee hoose a'neath the grass

 

The mair ye think and mak’ yer plans

Ye'll glaikit turn, and ken that man’s

shuir demise will nae dout come

tae a’ o’ us, an  no just  some

now you’re the heidy yin about

ye hae the wit, ye hae the clout

Oor ane wee heids devoid o’ guile

A’ mousies dae is nibble an smile

Still, I am blessed compared wi thee

This moment only toucheth me

Into the future I can not keek

and see that you'll be up the creek

 

Ane thing I ken, we’re oot o luck

an' thanks tae man we're truly f*cked!

 

I'll gie ye a puckle words ye micht nae ken!

gie- give, puckle - small amount, ye - you, micht - might, nae - not, ken - know

A few mair!

muckle - big, neckit -necked, feart - afraid, brocht - brought, glaikit - stupid, glass -mirror, heids-heads

heidy - brainy, ane -one, dae-do, aneath-beneath, f*cked- that's old english!

Note: The above poem is intended to turn Burn's wonderful and prophetic poem 'To a Mouse' on its head and give what the wee mousie might have said. I have focused on certain sections of the poem.

To a mouse

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous beastie,

O, what a panic’s in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi’ bickering brattle!

I wad be laith to rin an’ chase thee,
Wi’ murdering pattle!

I’m truly sorry Man’s dominion
Has broken Nature’s social union,
An’ justifies that ill opinion
Which makes thee startle
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion
An’ fellow-mortal!

I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daimen-icker in a thrave
‘S a sma’ requet;
I’ll get a blessin wi’ the lave,
An’ never miss’t!

Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!
Its silly wa’s the win’s are strewin!
An’ naething, now, to big a new ane,
O’ foggage green!
An’ bleak December’s win’s ensuing,
Baith snell an’ keen!

Thou saw the fields laid bare an’ waste,
An’ weary Winter comin fast,
An’ cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell,
Till crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro’ thy cell.

That wee bit heap o’ leaves and stibble,
Has cost thee monie a weary nibble!
Now thou’s turned out, for a’ thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the Winter’s sleety dribble,
An’ cranreuch cauld!

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Still thou are blest, compared wi’ me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But Och! I backward cast my e’e,
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I cannot see,
I guess an’ fear!

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Lorry]

Thats pure dead gallus Alan, ah never did put much clout behind burns and his moose and Rabbie Bruce' spider. Painting them as the good guy and no even sharin their royalties wi their subject matter. Its basically animal cruelty.
But yo gie them a fine voice in your own inimitable style.
Ps, that would be minty table style if predictive text had its way 😀

[alanwgraham]

Thanks again for your witty reply Lorrie I'm glad you found this - naebody else kens whit i'm on aboot! The wee mice got their revenge tonight. We were aff tae a ceilidh and ended up in the garage looking for a pair o' lang climbing socks tae wear wi ma kilt. They had nibbled them fair awa.! Mousie revenge.
Cheers,
Alan

[Lorry]

Maybe a bit of karma going on there Alan, and never underestimateyour audience. Ive been told that ah'm haverin' by a waitress in California (Scottish step-dad) and had a Swede tell me tae "away an bile ma heid" She went to Glasgow uni, but you forget these things at minus 10 degrees, in a bar at the arse end of Stockholm 😀

[John the Baptist]

I don't recall seeing a poem written in "Auld Scots" here before. Well done, and capturing Burns' humor, too. Thanks, though, for the glossary at the end.

[alanwgraham]

Thank John. I love Burns poem and I thought dare I. It came easier than I thought.
All the best.
Alan

[Beccy]

Not just an attempt, a galloping success; and unfortunately, so very true as far as our species contribution to the foul up is concerned.

Beccy.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks so much Beccy. I thocht this might be oer hard but I'm fair chuffed at the outcome.
Lang may yer lum reek!
Alan