Limb Eric?

Limb Eric?

A Poem by alanwgraham
"

Rotton rhymes

"
I once met a girl on a ship
she wore leathers and sported a whip
when I asked her the price
she said, 'it'll it be nice
for a thrashing and well worth a tip.'

Why do you swing on that limb Eric?
I think you're being rather dim Derek
This poem's quite slack
When the poet's called Jack
But I think it might be a limerick

There's one thing for which I give thanks
That my name is Armitage Shanks
When you go for piss
Just try not to miss
And I'll laugh all the way to the banks

(Armitage Shanks makes most British loos)

I once met a Martian called Jock
And boy could that odd fellow talk
It was all quite absurd
Understood not a word
So I told him to go for walk

I'll admit to the size of my nose
MY proboscis in reach of my toes
But I'll have to admit
That I might have a fit
If I find that the bloody thing grows!

I once met a girl from Morroco
Impressed by the size of my 'sock'. Oh,
spare me your blushes
I'm getting hot flushes
I'll pretend that I'm licking a Choco.

I love to take holidays in Spain
but the spaniels can be such a pain
I just lie on the beach
my plonk within reach
and the rain damn well fell on the plain

Between dawn and dusk lies the day
But night's when I like making hay
I'm always in hope
Of having a grope
Or considerably more, I must say

My wife's run away
not much more i can say
I'll just raise a cheer
crack open the beer
Invite in my mistress to stay

I thought I would give him a fright
And leave him alone for one night
He'll come crawling back
And plead to change tack
When he reckons the size of his plight

At this point I'm lying in the tub
With this limerick approaching the nub
When my damn tablet fell
To a watery ..splash
bubble .. bubble .. bubble ...





















© 2018 alanwgraham


My Review

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Featured Review

This is killer! I love limericks, but you've taken them to the moon & back! I'm admiring how you balance the simplicity needed to convey a bitesize message per stanza, but still infused with your deliciously complicated way of imagining things. These are some of the best limericks I've ever read. Your explanatory parenthetical is perfectly added for clarity. Hope your holiday season is starting off with good health & lots of love (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

There's a girl from california, my muse
that I'm trying hard not to confuse
with a das.. read more
barleygirl

5 Years Ago

It'll be good to drown the leech in investigations, starting January when liberals are in control, b.. read more


Compartment 114
Compartment 114
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Reviews

Ha Ha! the scotch irish in me is awash in the delight of these limericks! What is it about a limerick that always makes me happy? Perhaps it's a genetic thing but of these, i enjoyed very much good sir.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

Thanks. I always have fun writing these and they can't be taken too seriously.
Have a good n.. read more
Your limericks are really good Alan. I read them out loud and you have got the rhythm just right. A nice little collection here. I don't recall ever writing a limerick. My favourite? Between dawn and dusk lies the day. Well done you.

Chris

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

you're really too kind my dear Chris
for this nonsense to not give a miss
these limeri.. read more
Chris Shaw

5 Years Ago

Doesn't worry me Alan. I can remember you telling me how you can rhyme on automatic pilot when you a.. read more
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Amy
I really enjoyed reading this! I tend to favour reading limericks, and I like how you combined several into one writing. My favorite one would be the martian named Jock or the one talking about your nose growing. I also found it funny and clever the way you ended it.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

Thanks Amy - just some light relief from my more serious writing!
Alan
This is killer! I love limericks, but you've taken them to the moon & back! I'm admiring how you balance the simplicity needed to convey a bitesize message per stanza, but still infused with your deliciously complicated way of imagining things. These are some of the best limericks I've ever read. Your explanatory parenthetical is perfectly added for clarity. Hope your holiday season is starting off with good health & lots of love (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

There's a girl from california, my muse
that I'm trying hard not to confuse
with a das.. read more
barleygirl

5 Years Ago

It'll be good to drown the leech in investigations, starting January when liberals are in control, b.. read more
Ha Ha...so funny..............did enjoy


Jazzy

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

Thanks Jazzy.
alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

Its weird but rhyming is actually a symptom of getting high. Many of the great poets (not me!) Were .. read more
J. J.  Nightingale

5 Years Ago

Getting high..lol funny you... humm.. Right, many of the Greats were Manic !!! ..Oh..THANKS FOR T.. read more
This tickled my funny bone and made me chuckle.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

Thanks Dawn. I am a compulsive limericker. This collection was just some light relief.
Cheers.. read more
Onlyme

5 Years Ago

you will have to put some more up Alan.
A nice rhyme and humorous

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

Apologies Arthur. I can see that I forgot to thank you for the review.
All the best.
A.. read more
what did you ask the girl eh? ;) wink wink hahahahaha. this definitly sounded like a limerick. make a rap outta this will ya? hahaha i love it; its funny to read because the rhymes flow perfectly! nice job!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

5 Years Ago

Sorry for taking so long to thank you Sarah. I really enjoy writing these.
All the best.
read more
For the muddle I'm truly sorry
for I'm sure there's no flies on lorry
i deserve a big slap
for the limerick is crap
but eric's unlikely to worry!

Thanks Lorry - the moral is think again before pressing submit
Alan

Posted 6 Years Ago


I would comment more, if I wasn't so busy wondering to myself how it never clicked about limb eric/limerick. So in summation, im a moron :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

6 Years Ago

For the muddle I'm truly sorry
but I'm sure there's no flies on lorry
i deserve a big .. read more
Lorry

6 Years Ago

Ha, nice one. :)

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Added on November 7, 2018
Last Updated on November 29, 2018

Author

alanwgraham
alanwgraham

Scotland, United Kingdom



About
Married with three kids, I retired early from teaching physics but have always enjoyed mountains. In my forties I experienced a manic episode which kick-started a creative urge. I've written a novel .. more..

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