KINGDOM KARMA

The sculpture of an old couple sitting on the bench are more alive than you think!

Kingdom Karma

 

Jim and his long suffering wife Peggie sat motionless on their accustomed seat in the aging Kingdom square in the Glenrothes indoor shopping centre. A café occupied the centre of the square which was surrounded by a shabby variety of shop units. Let’s just say that Jim and Peggie were enjoying a second lease of life, albeit a remoulded and  reincarnated retirement!

 

Peggie sat with her arm resting on her bulging shopping bag. Jim was turned towards his wife with his hand on her arm.

‘Don’t worry Peggie, only another six hours to sit here until the centre closes.’

‘Six hours! I’ll never get up if I have to sit here for six hours. And take that bloody hand off my arm!’

‘Sorry Peg - I think we're molded together!'

‘Oh my God - 'molded together' - I seem to remember our vow was just 'till death do us part! Oh, look Jim, there’s Wilma.' Peg whispered below her breath. 'I think she’s going to sit with us.’

Wilma sat beside Jim and put her hand affectionately on Jim’s upper thigh.

‘Oh! Oooooh! Peggie - I’m getting a bit excited.’

‘Excited, my fanny - I can’t remember when you last got excited.’

Wilma patted Jim’s balding head and whispered in his ear.

‘You know, I always fancied you Jim. I never knew what you saw in Peggie - too plastic for me!’

Jim could feel himself blushing a bright brown.

‘Bye bye then you two. Will you be here again tomorrow?’ Wilma said brightly and laughed. ‘I’ll take that for a yes then!’

‘Are you ok Jim, you’ve turned a funny colour?’ Peggie whispered when Wilma had gone.

‘It’s just the light in here pet!’ Jim replied unconvincingly.

‘She’s not funny Jim, and by the way, what did she whisper to you?’

‘Eh, eh, she was just saying how much she likes your hair-do?’

‘Oh, was she now? It’s funny she never sits on my side.’

 

Later, Jim spotted Willie Bane (in name and nature!) heading their way.

‘God help us Peggie - it’s Willie again.’

As always, Willie sat beside Peggie and gave her a sleazy fondle. In spite of the fact he was speaking to brown molded plastic (he thought!) he took delight in reckoning imagined slights from seventy years ago.

Jim could only watch, but thought - ‘you’ve probably got one of these blow-up sex dolls at home, you pervert.’

‘Ah Jimmy, remember that time you poured ink in my schoolbag and Herr Hogg gave me six of the belt.’

Jim could only reply with his fixed half grin and a subliminal ‘bugger you, you wee nyaff.’

‘You know I always fancied giving Peggie a wee poke Jimmy.’ Willie leered at Jim.

‘Aye, wee’s the right word.’ Jim hissed, sotto voce.

‘What did he say Jim?’

‘Oh, ehm - he remembered giving you a wee poke Peg - eh, a poke of sweets!’    (poke - bag)

‘Sweets - I could fair suck one just now - even if it was Willie’s.’ Jim’s eyes boggled at this double entendre, but he held his tongue.

 

About four o’clock the usual tide of teenagers drifted past, released from the nearby secondary school.

One young lad came up behind Peggie and whacked her on the head with his schoolbag.

‘Take that, Miss Collins. I hate you!’

Peggie emitted an involuntary high pitched scream.

‘What the f*** was that noise Jason.’

The other boy sat on Peggie’s knee and poked his thumbs into her eyes. ‘That’s what I’ll do to Collins tomorrow if she gets me to read to the class again.’ Peggie screeched silently again.

 

Peggie’s eyes had just stopped smarting when a couple of girls, around fifteen and sporting heavy makeup and prolific piercings sat on either side of them - both fully  engrossed in their mobile phones. After ten minutes of texting and scrolling one of the girls suddenly looked up.

‘Chris - look at what we are sitting beside!’

‘Oh my god, Jill - they’re like plastic!’

‘We’ve been like walking past them like twice every day and I always thought like they were just two old people.’

‘Yeah, these pensioners like all look the same don’t they?’

‘They’re like invisible aren’t they?’

‘They all look like identical to me too, Chris.’

‘Like grey!’

‘These two are like brown!’

‘Ha ha! They should have used like grey placcy!’

Peggie was starting to fizz. ‘You’ll be old and grey some day young madam and see how you like it.’

‘Look Jill’, Chris pointed. ‘There’s your granny. You know, like there’s nothing grey about her!’

‘Yeah but we like know her, duh!’

‘Hello gran! Jill shouted. Her gran wandered across.

‘I’ve been to get my nails done at the salon. I see you’re sitting beside Jim and Peggie.’

‘What, they’ve got like names?’

‘Of course, the real Jim and Peggie used to sit in here before they passed away.’

 

At last, closing time for the centre arrived and the last shoppers were shooed outside. All was quiet.

‘We’ll just wait a bit Jim - you never know!’

Later.

‘What time is it Peggie? I’m getting awfie stiff sitting here.’

Aye, the cleaners are away now. We’ll have our wee stroll. Jim stretched his creaky plastic legs and gave Peggie a hand to pull her up.

‘Where will we go first Peg? I want to look at the cakes.’

‘I’d like to look at the dresses in the charity shops.’

‘Just make sure they’re brown!’

‘Oh, what a life Jim!’

 

Just when the couple were creaking past the bakers a side door opened and the centre manager Mr Tipple almost fell onto the floor in front of them. Not to put too fine a point on it he was well and truly pissed.

‘What are you two doing in here - you’ve no pre.. no permish.. you’re not allowed!’

Then Tipple looked at them strangely. ‘It’s ..  it’s you - the old couple from the bench? But you’re plastic!’

‘You’re hallucinating Mr Tipple. You keep your mouth shut about us and we’ll not say a word about your wee secret.’

Tipple suddenly threw up on his trousers and staggered away shaking his head.’

‘He’ll no remember a thing, Peggie.’ Jim chortled.

 

The next morning Peggie and Jim were back on their bench sitting in their accustomed pose. Lizzie Thomson, who had known them in real life from way back sat with them for a few minutes and gave them the latest gossip. Somehow Lizzie just ‘KNEW' they were listening!’

 

The morning rush had passed, with as usual, Jim and Peggie largely ignored, when two workmen stopped in front of the bench. The older foreman put down his workbag and pulled out a spanner.

‘What are they up to Jim?’ Peggie whispered.

‘I don’t like the look of that spanner Peggie.’

The apprentice started undoing the bolts on the corner of the bench.

‘Ok, Bert - you get the back end and we’ll carry it down to the van.

‘Oh, it’s light Shug. Are they moving it to somewhere else?

‘Naw, they’re going to melt it down.’

 

‘What! Melt us down - we’re alive!’ Peggie screeched.

 

‘Whit’s that noise Shug - has the alarm gone off?’

‘I think the auld couple are just creaking  Bert.’

 

‘As far as I know, Shug, they’re going to remould them. Naebodies interested in old farts now. They’re going to make them into two teenagers sitting glued to their mobiles.’

 

Peggy thought for a moment.

‘That will do fine Jim. We’ll need to learn how to LIKE text!’

‘It’ll be like ‘Kingdom Karma.’

 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your imagination is leaping from star to star to star in this one! I'm so envious of your creative thought! Lots of people write such tongue-in-cheek hilarity, but usually at least a few of the lines fall flat! But not you! This gets more hilarious as the story goes on. I can't believe the way your imagination sparks & then your ability to deliver it in well-composed lines. The various speech styles (LIKE this & LIKE that . . . & Willie Bane) so well-done as to convey all these crazy characters. The ending is really good, too . . . who wants these old farts anyhow? *smile* Fondly, Margie

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Margie. I'll have to admit that these little stories don't come easily - they need a lot of perspiration and a little inspiration! (not my quote!) I can't walk past this sculpture now without a strange feeling!. I do envy your own talent at portraying your surrounding in such an apparently effortless and witty way.
Regards form a chilly Scotland!
Alan

[Helen Bawden]

Oh I loved this SO much! What a great concept and great characterisations. I was glued from beginning to end. Please keep them coming!

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for your kind review. I had fun writing this but much of my writing is introspective and an attempt to make sense of the confusion. I look forward to seeing more of your writing here.
Regards,
Alan

[Helen Bawden]

I can understand that. I am doing the same. I will keep an eye out for you. Best wishes, Helen

[Norbanus]

With four score safely in my rear view mirror,
the yarn showed me characters much clearer;
I wondered how my wife and I would feel,
if I met Jim and Peg sometime for real.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for your great review once again. Alan

[Benjamin Andrianiko]

I absolutely love this! it made me reminisce about my grand parents at first, I soon realised it was the sad reality of the future. Great insight and depth.. when I have more time ill read more of your writing! keep it up

[alanwgraham]

Thanks again benjamin for reading this. I come across this couple every time i visit our local shopping centre ant met to someone who spoke to them every day. It seemed to be perfect inspiration for using my imagination.
Regards,
Alan

[peter Duggan]

Nice short story Alan. It was a fun read and depicted old age so very well. I enjoyed the read, my friend....Peter

[Samuel Dickens]

Shouldn't they have been cast from like bronze? If I were them, I'd have complained. Shaking my non-existent fist, I'd silently shout, "Don't be a fool, man, make us from the good stuff!"

[alanwgraham]

Yes Samuel - I think they deserve it! Funnily, I was was chatting to an older lady (and writer) about my idea for this and she said she always speaks to the plastic couple when she shops.
Regards,
Alan

[Duncan Brown]

Ka ka ka ka ka ka.......................

[alanwgraham]

Ta.ta.ta.ta.ta. . .................

[Duncan Brown]

Washer washer washer washer.....................

[alanwgraham]

Ta. Ta ta!

[Tony Jordan]

Haha - I saw Molly Malones brass statue in Dublin recently - all but her b***s are oxidised green - her b***s are bright and shiny as if only cast !
Great craic here Alan - very creative and fun too.
Love the punchline - excellent piece.

[alanwgraham]

Ta Tony. I'm having a wee titter about Molly's shiny knockers!
Cheers,
Alan

[Tony Jordan]

Get over here and have a feel of them Al !!
lol

[KWP]

A great concept - so glad you posted the photo up top for us. I like the language. You give us a great feel for a relationship that must have lasted decades. There's a lotta love between those two.

It's like a day in the life with a terrible twist at the end, I don't know how the sculptor would feel about having his statue melted down, poor fella! Is he getting the new commission at least?

A good quick read - thank you X

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for reading. Just a bit of fun but a chance to explore a few things.
Regards,
Alan

[Ken Simm.]

Amazing and quite lovely. Concise and apropos. Takes me back. I remember wonderful characters like this and the idea to cast them in more ways than one is brilliant.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Kenn. it was fun writing this but I hope there was a bit of a moral about the invisibility of older folk there (I'm getting there myself!)
Cheers,
Alan