OLD MCTRUMPY HAD A FARM

A political satire

Old McTrumpy

 

Old McTrumpy had a farm, hee haw, hee haw, trump.

And on that farm he had some turkeys.

Hee haw, hee haw, trump.

With a trump, trump here, and a grump, grump there.

Here a trump, there a grump

Everywhere a mump, mump

Old McTrumpy had a farm, hee haw, hee haw …..

 

Gobble gobble, gobble gobble

‘Hey Turkey-John, did you hear that Old McTrumpy has called us all to the turkey barn for some important news.’

‘Yeh, I heard. It’ll be the usual Old McTrumpy gobbledegook.’

‘Look, Turkey-John he’s there now. Look at that ridiculous toupee - hair today, gone tomorrow is what I say.’

‘You wish, Turkey-Sue!’

 

Old McTrumpy stood in front of the barn door with his arms outstretched, a fake grin on his fake face, his hands waving the thronged turkeys forward.

 

‘Greeting Turkeys, you are honoured that I'm addressing such a fine flock of turkeys - don’t believe what you read in your Turkey Times tomorrow. This is a record flock here - a world record! Next month you will all be voting - all for me! Just joking - it’s a free vote. You will be voting for a great cause, a great tradition - a happy Thanksgiving. Your place in the celebrations will be assured - ha ha! You’ll all be centre platter - ha, ha!

I have called you today to share a very serious matter with you. The Trumptown Times has been spreading lies that our great friend Vladimir at the Put-Inn is spreading malicious rumours about us. All fake news!

 

The truth is, the danger is closer at hand. Our neighbours Foxy Sly and Weasel Words are plotting against our great farm. They plan to drown us in drugs and illegal turkeys. Nasty people! We’re going to build a great fence round the farm, the likes of which Trumptown has never seen.  These lunatics and lowlifes will be yesterday’s news. We'll make the McTrumpy farm great again!

 

Later that day Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue were sat in the dirt outside their coup.

‘I don’t trust Old McTrumpy’ Turkey-John gobbled.  ‘Thanksgiving! Huh!’

‘Centre stage he says, more like centre plate! We’ll be celebrating it with corn and mashed potatoes!’ Turkey-Sue replied.

‘I’d like to find out what’s going on in that skull of his.’

‘Not much if you ask me - when that mouth opens garbage is all that comes out!’

‘I know what - how about tonight we go and find out what really goes on in that farmhouse of his.’

 

Later that night.

 

Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue had wriggled up the Virginia creeper to give them a view down into the gold plated McTrumpy master bedroom. Old McTrumpy had taken off his suit and tie, and dressed only in his shorts and suspenders, was looking at himself in the mirror. He stood in the familiar pose with arms outstretched and his thumb and first finger circled. With the window open a crack the two turkeys could hear him practising the familiar mantra - ‘fake news - fake news.'

Just then, Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue's flabbers were gasted when McTrumpy put up his hand and lifted his fake ginger/blond thatch clean off his head along with the top of his skull.

'Wow, Turkey-John!'

'Geez, Turkey-Sue!'

With eyes popping out, the two turkeys could see right down into McTrumpy's head.

‘Well I’ll be darned - he’s no brain!’

Inside his empty cranium they were amazed to see a little mouse with a megaphone and other mice standing beside big levers.

As they watched, the mice with the levers pulled and McTrumpy’s arms moved. Then, to their surprise, one of the mice pulled a little lever and they could see McTrumpy's d*** rise. The other mouse lifted the megaphone and they could hear McTrumpy speaking,  ‘It’s freezing and snowing in New York - we NEED global warming!’

‘Can you make out what these mice are wearing Turkey-John?’

‘Yes, yes - they’re all wearing these orange T shirts from Vladimir’s Put- INN.’

‘Well, shake my snoods Turkey-John.’

‘It’s all clear now - McTrumpy’s nothing but a Trojan horse!’

 

 

But that’s just a nursery rhyme - or is it?

 

Old McTrumpy has a country, hee haw, hee haw, trump.

With a Trump tower here, and a Trump tower there

With a little fib here, and a big fib there

Here a fib, there a fib, everywhere a fib, fib

With some p***y here, and some p***y there

With a little threat here, with a big threat there

With a sacking here, and a sacking there

With an air strike here, and a cruise missile there

Here a nuke, there a nuke  ............ 

Old McTrumpy has a brain  ???????

Hee haw, hee haw  ..........

ALL FAKE NEWS!

Reviews

[Norman 223]

Thanks for this Alan. I can't equal Margie's analysis, but the pain of the belly laughing was worth every twinge.

My "tribute" to this stable genius. It's enough to make a horse laugh
WHAT's IN A NAME.

In the States it's known as the "bathroom"
In England, it's usually, the "loo.
And when we were small
Defecation, we'd call
Politely, as just "Number Two".
But as we grew up it was altered
To having a "crap" or a "dump".
And as for hot air expelled from an a***hole,
It's colloquially here, called a "trump" .

Norman

[alanwgraham]

Hi Norman, Your review is constructive and funny although I really don't think that we can afford to be too smug with our own duff hand of buffoons in power and brexit is a word I would prefer not to have learnt!.
Regards,
Alan

[Norman 223]

Thanks Alan - I can assure you, I'm working on that too!!!

[Samuel Dickens]

That turkey deserves the farm animal treatment and more. P***y-grabber, back-stabber, lying lips forever blabber--the word "incorrigible" is too weak in describing him. My family and I have felt under a dark cloud since last November. It's just inconceivable that anyone voted for him, let alone still supports him. I'm 72 % British--may I come back? Alan, thank you for ridiculing his sorry hide.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Samuel - as they say you couldn't make him up! Think twice about coming back to Britain - we have our parallel fit of brexit madness ahead.
Cheers,
Alan
PS make it Scotland!

[Lorry]

Fake news, fake hair, real despot, sadly. I still can't believe he is president. Who next? I'm guessing mickey mouse or iron man...definitely fictional though, unless of course, there is still a world to fight for :)

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Lorry. I'll stick with the turkeys!
Cheers, Alan

[Tony Jordan]

I loved the Animal Farm-esque scenes. Truth is often stranger than fiction - he could well be a Manchurian Candidate with a mission to bring the Land of the Free to it's knees and to heck with the collateral damage. Nothing would surprise anyone anymore - surely that's a sign in itself that we've entered the Twilight Zone where nothing logical applies any longer.
I like satire and I like nonsense a la Lewis Carroll and this here's a good helping of both my friend.
:)

[alanwgraham]

How can you not write about him? I suppose Rome had their Nero - but come to think of it that didn't go too well! Thanks for reading tyis and your kind review.
Regards,
Alan

[Tony Jordan]

Fiddles will be great again !!
welcome Alan.

[augustus]

A strange tale to get the reader thinking. No mean feat these days.