OLD MCTRUMPY HAD A FARM

A political satire

Old McTrumpy

 

Old McTrumpy had a farm, hee haw, hee haw, trump.

And on that farm he had some turkeys.

Hee haw, hee haw, trump.

With a trump, trump here, and a grump, grump there.

Here a trump, there a grump

Everywhere a mump, mump

Old McTrumpy had a farm, hee haw, hee haw …..

 

Gobble gobble, gobble gobble

‘Hey Turkey-John, did you hear that Old McTrumpy has called us all to the turkey barn for some important news.’

‘Yeh, I heard. It’ll be the usual Old McTrumpy gobbledegook.’

‘Look, Turkey-John he’s there now. Look at that ridiculous toupee - hair today, gone tomorrow is what I say.’

‘You wish, Turkey-Sue!’

 

Old McTrumpy stood in front of the barn door with his arms outstretched, a fake grin on his fake face, his hands waving the thronged turkeys forward.

 

‘Greeting Turkeys, you are honoured that I'm addressing such a fine flock of turkeys - don’t believe what you read in your Turkey Times tomorrow. This is a record flock here - a world record! Next month you will all be voting - all for me! Just joking - it’s a free vote. You will be voting for a great cause, a great tradition - a happy Thanksgiving. Your place in the celebrations will be assured - ha ha! You’ll all be centre platter - ha, ha!

I have called you today to share a very serious matter with you. The Trumptown Times has been spreading lies that our great friend Vladimir at the Put-Inn is spreading malicious rumours about us. All fake news!

 

The truth is, the danger is closer at hand. Our neighbours Foxy Sly and Weasel Words are plotting against our great farm. They plan to drown us in drugs and illegal turkeys. Nasty people! We’re going to build a great fence round the farm, the likes of which Trumptown has never seen.  These lunatics and lowlifes will be yesterday’s news. We'll make the McTrumpy farm great again!

 

Later that day Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue were sat in the dirt outside their coup.

‘I don’t trust Old McTrumpy’ Turkey-John gobbled.  ‘Thanksgiving! Huh!’

‘Centre stage he says, more like centre plate! We’ll be celebrating it with corn and mashed potatoes!’ Turkey-Sue replied.

‘I’d like to find out what’s going on in that skull of his.’

‘Not much if you ask me - when that mouth opens garbage is all that comes out!’

‘I know what - how about tonight we go and find out what really goes on in that farmhouse of his.’

 

Later that night.

 

Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue had wriggled up the Virginia creeper to give them a view down into the gold plated McTrumpy master bedroom. Old McTrumpy had taken off his suit and tie, and dressed only in his shorts and suspenders, was looking at himself in the mirror. He stood in the familiar pose with arms outstretched and his thumb and first finger circled. With the window open a crack the two turkeys could hear him practising the familiar mantra - ‘fake news - fake news.'

Just then, Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue's flabbers were gasted when McTrumpy put up his hand and lifted his fake ginger/blond thatch clean off his head along with the top of his skull.

'Wow, Turkey-John!'

'Geez, Turkey-Sue!'

With eyes popping out, the two turkeys could see right down into McTrumpy's head.

‘Well I’ll be darned - he’s no brain!’

Inside his empty cranium they were amazed to see a little mouse with a megaphone and other mice standing beside big levers.

As they watched, the mice with the levers pulled and McTrumpy’s arms moved. Then, to their surprise, one of the mice pulled a little lever and they could see McTrumpy's d*** rise. The other mouse lifted the megaphone and they could hear McTrumpy speaking,  ‘It’s freezing and snowing in New York - we NEED global warming!’

‘Can you make out what these mice are wearing Turkey-John?’

‘Yes, yes - they’re all wearing these orange T shirts from Vladimir’s Put- INN.’

‘Well, shake my snoods Turkey-John.’

‘It’s all clear now - McTrumpy’s nothing but a Trojan horse!’

 

 

But that’s just a nursery rhyme - or is it?

 

Old McTrumpy has a country, hee haw, hee haw, trump.

With a Trump tower here, and a Trump tower there

With a little fib here, and a big fib there

Here a fib, there a fib, everywhere a fib, fib

With some p***y here, and some p***y there

With a little threat here, with a big threat there

With a sacking here, and a sacking there

With an air strike here, and a cruise missile there

Here a nuke, there a nuke  ............ 

Old McTrumpy has a brain  ???????

Hee haw, hee haw  ..........

ALL FAKE NEWS!

Reviews

[Norman 223]

Thanks for this Alan. I can't equal Margie's analysis, but the pain of the belly laughing was worth every twinge.

My "tribute" to this stable genius. It's enough to make a horse laugh
WHAT's IN A NAME.

In the States it's known as the "bathroom"
In England, it's usually, the "loo.
And when we were small
Defecation, we'd call
Politely, as just "Number Two".
But as we grew up it was altered
To having a "crap" or a "dump".
And as for hot air expelled from an a***hole,
It's colloquially here, called a "trump" .

Norman

[alanwgraham]

Hi Norman, Your review is constructive and funny although I really don't think that we can afford to be too smug with our own duff hand of buffoons in power and brexit is a word I would prefer not to have learnt!.
Regards,
Alan

[Norman 223]

Thanks Alan - I can assure you, I'm working on that too!!!

[barleygirl]

You're killing me!!! I love the way your "distance" (from our current horrors) gives you the perspective to maintain a bright & sarcastic sense of humor here! We must maintain our sense of humor or we'll die fighting each other over here! Your Trumpian profile has so many delicious morsels, I can't even name them all, but you've definitely captured the ridiculousness of our current insanity. And then to deliver your message in good time for Thanksgiving, makes it all the more timely! *wink! wink!* I bounce between trying NOT to join the clamor of everyone making their statements & then thinking there must be a more original & tongue-in-cheek way to address this mess. Here, you've captured my exact hope for how to say something about what's taking our country down at the moment . . . *sigh!* I'm laughing as the tears slide down my face! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for this crit - Trump seems to me to be fairly unique in his bufoonery but it still makes him dangerous. I really appreciate Margie the time that you take to write these meaningful reviews for all of us writers on this WC. It can be a lonely occupation and a bit of constructive feedback can make all the difference.
Enjoy your turkey!
Alan

[augustus]

A strange tale but one to make the reader think. No mean feat these days!

[Elle]

I've never laughed so much to a Trump joke. The face that you changed it into animals makes it even funnier. I enjoyed this little story and hopefully you write a lot more! - Elle :)

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for your kind comment Elle. If we didn't laugh at McTrumpy we would cry!
Regards,
read moreThanks for your kind comment Elle. If we didn't laugh at McTrumpy we would cry!
Regards,
Alan

[pia]

this made my day !!!
i loved how this was written and its references to animals
loved the analogies great stuff

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for reading this. It was fun writing this but of course it is about a very serious and worrying subject.
Regards,
Alan

[Glen's not so clean sla..]

This is the best thing ever! More...

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Glen. Donald may not be the greatest gift to the world but he does beg to be written about!read moreThanks Glen. Donald may not be the greatest gift to the world but he does beg to be written about!
Regards,
Alan

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Glen. Donald may not be the greatest gift to the world but he does beg to be written about!read moreThanks Glen. Donald may not be the greatest gift to the world but he does beg to be written about!
Regards,
Alan

[alanwgraham]

Apologies Glen. I'm not sure why it adds that 'read more' at the end. Cheers,
Alan

[Jacob Clifford]

Wonderfully done! I love the quirkiness. Despite being comical, many of the elements of this story seem very plausible, given the way Old Mctrumpy acts.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Clifford. I enjoyed writing this but it is a serious subject matter.
Regards,
Alan

[Ken Simm.]

I've got to say I like this bigly. Witty and yet wise. Something Mc Trumpty aint.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Ken. I enjoyed writing this but it's maybe too easy to write him off as a joke. It's his supporters I find scary.
Regards,
Alan.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

So original! My "flabbers are " gasted" (darn predictive text won't let me write this correctly!). McTrumpy the Trojan Horse! Now all the insanity makes sense. Satirical, sarcastic, witty, wild , awesome Orwellian spoof! I wish I could say "unbelievable"- but sadly I cant...Absolute genius.

[andrew mitchell]

love the satire of someone who always puts his foot into it.lol highly amusing and fitting.