Eric's limb

A selection of limericks!

Eric's Limb

There was a young fellow had piles

his trip to the loo once brought smiles

of relief on his face,

he’d avoid the disgrace

of a manual extraction meanwhiles

 

From Malta there came a young geezer

my girl he wanted to tease her

first he got blotto

then rolled in some choco

and said I’m a bloody maltezer

 

There was a young girl from Dunbar

who liked to keep frogs in a jar

but when that frog growed

said, ‘you know I’m a toad’

and that doors not a door, it’s a jar

 

  

                                I once saw a door with a flap

so I crawled in and went for a nap

when the owner came home

he started to moan

so I told him his décor was crap

 

To Glasgow, my purpose misplaced

cos like Janus I went there two faced

one looked at the town

and the other did frown

but both thought the place was straight laced

 

There was a young man had dyslex..

ia, but I think that his problem was sex

when his dangly went lank

he then robbed a bank

but muffed it by signing a cheque!

 

Sometimes I think I’m quite dim

When I try hard to write down a lim…

eric isn’t my name

and I sure ain’t a dame

my name’s James but they all call me Jim

 

 

It looked dead when I found the poor mole

feeling sorry, I tried to cajole

the poor beast back to life

So I called on his wife

‘if he’s dead, you must dig him a hole’

  

  

I once knew a girl from Peking

who taught her canary to sing

but although I’m no prude

the song was quite rude

it was all about sex on the wing

 

There once was a runner called Joe

who had a big boil on his toe

he couldn’t run far

so he went for a jar

and said, ‘I’ll just go with the flow’

 

I once knew a lady from York

who sealed up her bum with a cork

but when the cork blew

I got covered in poo

so I scraped it all off with a fork

 

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'Eric's limb'
alanwgraham,
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ho, ho, ho. I once knew guy here on writer's. His mind a lively world. Visit it please. eat a sandwich with cheese. Let us think of fun words not bitter? A first for me as it is. I got a kick out of your various ideas. Not sure about some but still pretty good!
Blessings,
Kathy

[alanwgraham]

Ha ha Kathy. Thanks. Would you like a parental guidance? Traditionally these can be rather rude. I'm glad you enjoyed (some of) them.
All the best.
Alan

[barleygirl]

This is an amazing collection of limericks, with which I've only recently become re-acquainted & reminded how much fun is this poetic style. A few of these are a little too obtuse for me, but several were shining gems in the raw: Piles (almost too graphic), Toad (I have frog poems too), and you saved the best for last, becuz I loved the last 4! Now I have to finish my short story about a friend who had a horribly abcessed toe that was howlingly cured when someone stepped on it accidently. Gotta love real life! Everything is good fodder for a writer like you! *smile*

[alanwgraham]

I do enjoy writing these but most people are surprised to learn that they are actually a symptom of the reason that I had to get early retirement - bipolar! On the positive side the bipolar has definately released the creative urge that has come out in the writing that I am enjoying so much. A couple of years ago I had a manic spell of a few weeks when I could hardly keep up with what was coming out of my head and thankfully some of then stand up fairly well - 'Android' and 'Henry moore - shapeshifter'
Just as well we're not all the same!
Cheers, Alan

[barleygirl]

I am also bipolar . . . I totally understand the gushing manic mind. I'll bookmark your suggested reads for another day, as the sun is now shining warmly, beckoning me & my doggies outside!

[Woody]

haha a jolly collection, alan. limericks are my absolute favourite genre in poetry. not so hard to attempt and the humour distracts the reader from focusing on your (my) shortcomings.
I enjoyed these little gems.