Manicarus

a description of how it feels to be manic

Man-ic-arus!

 

synapses well salted

Lithium carbonated

A magic potion

tae quell my emotion

 

I’m one of the few

nae downs tae depress

some highs I confess

that are bliss!

 

when slumber’s a stranger

A foretaste of danger

A high will creep

up on me real sloooooooow

but I start to KNOW

when I say ‘fantastic’

A LOT!

fantastic fantastic  fantastic fantastic

adbloodynauseam

because everything IS!

Fantastic!

 

Nae inhib’s now

tae tether me down

flying sky high

I’m kidding you not!

talk tae anyone

that I meet

like a long lost mate

conversations get deep!

 

Just one thing more

There’s no need to bore

start to rhyme

all the time

wake up at three

and not for a pee!

MUST write down some verse

no need to rehearse

words just gush

have to rush

out my words!

a veritable Niagara

 

 and …

Ah yes, there’s Viagra

it comes free with the high

libido through the roof

but I won’t give you proof

just ask the wife

confessions

indiscretions

galore - I wish!

 

With Senses blazing

All is amazing

Music mesmerizes

Each taste sent from heaven

Sweet and sour savour

Exquisite flavour

Aromas tantalise

dull scales of normality

seared from my eyes

I SEE ALL ANEW!

 

Watching a film, wow!

meaning and insight

in gesture and word

Art stuns, and amazing

colours dazzling

significance found

for eye and for mind

 

I use the word ‘like’

A LOT!

links and connections

ideas and constructions

spring out of nowhere

inventions and theory

leaving me bleary eyed

 

at long last it’s done

been brainboggling fun

but now time for stock taking

synapses start braking

my safety chute opens

and I float back to earth

Man-Icarus has soft landed

But I have gazed into the sun!

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'Manicarus'
alangraham,
This is a fast paced word picture. Being a raised energy state the form of this poem is perfect. I like the way your lines balance and sway into the emotional reality of this subject. It is super interesting to actually feel how it would feel to someone else in reading a poem. Great work!
Kathy

[alanwgraham]

Thanks so much for finding this. It came from a few weeks when I was high and I couldn't stop writing. Most of it was unprintable but a few have made it onto the menu in Wc. For me this creativity has been a very positive of bipolar but the downside is horrible. Last year I spent a few weeks as an involuntary patient in south Africa. You really appreciate that you loved one's who care!
Hope you are well.
Alan

[Kathy Van Kurin]

You are very welcome. You are very blessed. I love that your high energy has a creative nature to share with others. You back story is so very inspiring too. Thanks for the wonderful response.
Blessings, as always
Kathy

[alanwgraham]

Thats very kind of you Kathy. I feel fine nearly all the time so I know I'm lucky.
All the best.
Alan

[olla]

thank you for prompting me to look at your work.. this one in particular caught my eye.. it's very good.. I had to work at it a bit.. but once I got into it my Scottish Gran's brogue ran through my mind.. I have two members of my family with bipolar disorder.. but it was manic depression for the first one.. they changed it to bipolar sometime back.. I didn't have to figure out the accent to recognize the subject.. this is very good..

[alanwgraham]

I've just spotted that I hadn't thanked you for your kind review. When I'm high (not too often) the words just flow.
Hope you are keeping well in these anxious times.
All the best,
Alan

[olla]

I am keeping well.. thank you.. and I hope you are as well...

[John Alexander McFadyen]

The flavour of a manic episode is so well described here as though we are seeing through the eyes of someone with a bipolar disorder. It spews and rushes from point to point filled with colour and pace.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks John. Yes it is my own experience of how a bipolar manic episode feels. Exciting while it lasts.
All the best.
Alan

[emmajoy]

How brilliant a gallop through your mind this is.. and how insignificantly pale it would be if your hand had held another pen or what.have.you OR your thinking had been slow pace, too neatly. placed. Tis said that words are the best magic and medication ever: that from the skin's pores escapes the manic eruptions held by the body's weighted overcoat. Seems from your rush of words, their colour, their calls, their life.. you've experienced something that could be called a bolt.hole turned inside out. Floating back to the sun might leave the eye-lids fiercely closed but dear goodness, your mind has fought with roaring flare.

[alanwgraham]

What a wonderful review Emma and thanks. A manic episode is a slippery slope and the views can be wonderful at first but can descend rapidly into hell. Thank god for lithium.
Cheers
Alan

[Robert Trakofler]

yes the old lithium assalt and battery:) was probably the thing that worked best on the bouncing bunny but I was never a very lucky with meds... had to take my brief therapeutic windows as gospel and learn as much as i could while they lasted I would write write write as much as i could for it was only a matter of time before the crime of effectiveness wore off. I always knew the clock would eventually cry and i would lose myself once again... the litany of med trials i went thru finally ended with me giving up and throwing in the towel I never believed that one could out think neurochemistry but after 8 or 9 years of intense study and grace of god perhaps I did. haven't had a manic panic in 10 years now :) and the answer is.... I did it thru my writing? I still have processing issues and i always will but they turned out to be a blessing too so i don't care! Thank you for the jog down memory lane you captured it so perfectly my good friend and i apologize for the lengthy response but you sorta woke me up a bit

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Bad Bunny. I appreciate the effort you made to find this. I had a major manic episode about 20 years ago. I started on lithium and it seems to work with no noticable side effect. Attempts to coming off have resulted in major relapses. With a young family at the time I didn't want to take risks. About 5 years ago I was very high for a week and started writing nonstop. Bit way out stuff but very exciting - the great thing is that it has allowed me to write much more creatively - mainly short stories and inspiration comes from anything. Someone asked me 'what genre' I just laughed! Great to hear about your own experience, we all seem to be different!
All the best,
I'll be back to read more. Alan

[Robert Trakofler]

it is nice to meet someone else that had come thru that :)

[alanwgraham]

Read your review over again Robert. I'll gather my thoughts and I may have some good news for you.?
You may be right about the pills.
Alan

[Chris Shaw]

Such an interesting read Alan of what it is like to gaze into the sun. All that energy, and yet the downside when it comes to an end, and the soft float down, back to earth. Amazing how you get into that rhyming state as well. Good you can openly talk about it. Well written Alan. Hope you had a good Christmas. Sending all good wishes

Chris

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Chris. Yes, the mind is a strange thing. Mania does a good job of giving your head a good shake and removing inhibitions, which has a downside too but does make life interesting! And it does help to have an understanding family.
All the best for the new year.
Alan

[Chris Shaw]

And the same to you too. All the best.

Chris

Xx

[Neville]

this is absolutely bloomin brilliant... I have a special interest in the so called affective disorders, in particular bi-polar 1 & 2 .. coming as I do from a long line of near famous sufferers... Ha.. I wish I had a ha'penny for every kg of thymoleptic..& mood stabilizer that I prescribed over the years.. I would be a very rich man indeed.... Best Wishes for 2019 Alan x

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Neville - you are a great support to your fellow scribblers! It is good to try to communicate how mania feels but of course there is the awful downside!
All the best for next year.
Alan
By the way if you are interested i have a piece of writing on the boxing day Tsunami in Sri lanka called ''Serendib -The land of jewels' you might be interested. Our daughter went to SL just after the Tsunami and got stuck in helping. The story is based on the story of a lady she helped and we met later.

[Neville]

I so wish more folk would say it like it is... respect on that front me mate... I shall have to check that post out.. yeah.. there was nothing left of our resort.. bloody terrible.. good on ya daughter too... she sounds a bit like my daughter.. she reaches for her passport each time something like that happens... Go good Alan and have a bril 2019 squire...

[April Blue]

I really love this poem, the usage of words are very creative and imaginative.. I can see the mania in it, in a good way.. That is the thing about manic episodes, it's a great high but I also agree with you it can get scary if out of control..

[alanwgraham]

Thanks April. It is hard to get across how different it feels.
All the best.
Alan

[Mike]

I absolutely love this! The energy throughout the poem is very evident and everything you said is so relatable to my own highs. I specifically love the word capitalizations, not overdone and very powerful, I can almost hear this being spoken aloud with enthusiasm.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Mike. I'm afraid it is a tightrope. When you are up there looking down its great. If you reach the far end unscathed that's fine. But falling off is definitely not fun.
Regards,
Alan