Beyond the Bay (octain)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beyond the Bay

 

on distant shore's agape sand

my vaulted grains of home untie

sing ageless tide’s hushed lullaby

 

day’s rippled rays of light command

life held before engraves the shore

brief crystal echoes in your hand

 

susurrus waves spill you and I

on distant shore's agape sand

 

C.S. Moon  June 16^th, 2011

Poet’s note: Photograph of Morro Bay, California.

The carefree days of my innocence undeniably etched upon that shore.

 

The form:

Octain Specifics "

eight lines as two tercets and a couplet, eight syllables per line with the first line repeated (as much as possible) as the last. Meter is iambic or trochaic tetrameter, but fine to just count eight syllables per line for those who prefer that.

Rhyme scheme -

A-b-b
a-c/c-a
b-A

(A = repeated refrain line. c/c refers to line five having midline (internal) rhyme (eg. here/sneer), which is different to the a- and b-rhymes)

Octains are a form of poetry devised by Luke Prater

 

 

Reviews

[Becky Kilsby]

Beautiful use of the form Christi. Melodic and lilting throughout with some choice language.. 'brief crystal echoes'...wonderful.

[Talkativeted]

Great poem. Really interesting how the new form is put together. I may have to give it a go when I'm feeling more focussed.

[Christi Moon]

thanks Luke. You are right about 'silken' I have changed that, but can't seem to edit the poem from work. As always, your feedback is very much appreciated.

[L]

susurrus waves spill you and I > lovely line Christi

'silken' unsure of though... fine Octain sister