Our First Kiss

Dancing under the stars,

Music on full blast.

The beautiful sound of guitars,

God, please let this last. 

I look into your eyes,

You already staring in mine,

Stars are filling up the sky 

Blue eyes, so bright they shine. 

You grab my face, with a soft touch 

Its finally here, our time 

Our lips meet and I like this very much.

I feel speechless, like a mime.

My body can’t move 

A wide smile, I cant help it 

I definitely approve 

I never want our lips to split

When its over, you smile at me

I fell for you hard

Best moment of my life, I guarantee 

My love, I hope you don’t discard 

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Love the passion and romance in this portrayed through the scene presented and the word choice. I might suggest looking for alternative words for first line, third stanza 'grab' is less than romantic surely it needs something softer, all together more tender? and fourth line, fourth stanza, split lips are never to be desired and the image of a sore mouth is imparted here! I fear the rhyming forced those words and this may have read better as freeverse.

[smilemore]

Thank you so much for your feedback! I agree I will have to change around some of the words, I was having a difficult time finding the right words the rhyme.

[Devansh Shekhar Shukla]

It was really amazing! I liked it.
Thanks for sharing.

[smilemore]

Thank you so much!

[Chris Shaw]

You portray all the passion and excitement of when that love spark ignites, and wow what an illumination you get. Nicely conveyed.

Chris

[smilemore]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comment!

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome :)

[Muskan]

That's a sweet piece!
Love moments are epitomes of pleasure .
Well written!

[smilemore]

Thank you so much!