Summer

its summer but i’m grey 

words spinning through my head all day

how i’m not enough

how i don’t deserve love

how everyone is doomed to leave me numb 

i’ve unravelled into pieces 

i’ve succumbed to my weakest 

the one who shames me for love

the one who hates myself 

i’ve unravelled into pieces

i’ve surrendered to my demons 

they’ve stolen my heart and left me here grieving 

i never want to sleep

when i awake, my heart leaps 

my chest is pressed beneath these sheets

suffocated by the heat  

of a hot summer day,

when i’m weak and drained

alone and afraid 

tired of the pain

i still take on today 

with a smile on my face 

but the aching in my chest

when i think of someone else 

leaving me a mess 

alone in my bed 

on a dim, summer day 

the sun is soon to set

so i think of all the ways 

i could finally get some rest