Don't Tell

Alaa Yasins story

      DON’T TELL

 

                “Thank you all for coming today.” Hi I am a thirteen years old and I can’t believe that this has happened. I never imagined myself standing here in front of people that cared and loved my mother the way I did. I never really related to her but you never know what you have until you say goodbye. What I mean is that she has loved me more than anybody in the world. I talked to her about all my problems and she told me if I took the right path or not. I loved her more than I loved myself, when I thought about doing stuff that I shouldn’t she was the only one I can trust. I told her all my secrets and everything that popped into my mind at that moment. I never thought that I was lucky to have her here but now that she gone I don’t know what to do anymore. My sister Sarah and Ericka have left my brother Jake just moved out and none of them are here today because they couldn’t make it. I have the house now just for me and my dad who is going to be very quiet now that my mother isn’t here. Once again I am going to say thank you all for coming here today, I know that if my mom was still here today she would highly appreciate it. Three days later… my sisters Ericka and Sarah and brother have came back to the house. They thought it was very quiet because there was only five people now. There wasn’t a lot of talking going on because we all drowned ourselves in our own tears. After an hour past by my dad finally spoke up and said to my brother how’s college for you. My brother answered him in a solid it is fine but the material is becoming harder. My sister Sarah then said well that is just how college is. We all took a laugh and then it went back to complete silence. My dad then told me to go get the video camera, I didn’t question him I went washed my tears and came back with the video camera. My dad hooked it up to the TV and said everybody come here and watch this, we all sat and watched. I then questioned my father asking him why we are watching the funeral again and he has said just watch. After five minutes have passed my dad paused the video and said sweetie come here, I didn’t know who he was talking to and it turned out to be me. I came up to him and said yes he said you know how you went up there and spoke in front of all those people and spoke for your mother. I then answered him with a questioned yes, he then told me that that wasn’t your mother who died that was somebody that was very close to your mother. I then asked him where is my mother, he told me that she lives far away from here. I was lost, I ran up to my room with a million tears coming down my face at once. I locked the door and didn’t come out for three days. My dad always told me to keep a bag of emergency idioms underneath my bed. I took them out and a had a few water bottles and a bar. I took them out and started eating and drinking. When I heard my dad left for work I came out and he was standing right there. I told him I thought you left. He said well that was the only way I could get you out. When I tried to run back to the room he beat me to it and said we have to talk, I said about what that I never meat my mom. He paused and said let me explain. We sat down on the coach and talked. He told me that your mother left because there was too many problems going on here. I told him where is here. He said here as in home, I said between you two, my sisters, my brother, or me. He told me none of those. I said then who was it. He told me that it was just something that happened between her and her friends that made her moved. I froze and said that’s not the truth. He then said ok well when you were born your mother and a few friends got into a fight, I interrupted him saying how does this involve me, he said let me finish. After he explained to me the whole concept on why she left I realized that the main reason she left was because of me. He said that wasn’t true, I explained to him that her friends leaving when I was born has a big deal of her moving because she wanted to be with her friends after I grew up to be a year and a half when you knew how to take care of me plays a big part in that. Then after a few minutes he said I have to leave I said ok bye but one question, where is my mom? He said I am very late I told him you aren’t going to leave until you tell me where she is. He said that she moved to Michigan, Michigan I repeated. Yes he replied, I told him ok I want to go. He said maybe another day, I said ok , we will pack our bags when you come home tomorrow and leave that morning. He told me that he is very busy I told him that you can replace the stores or workers for a few days while we are gone but you can’t replace my heart, he told me I make a good point so we will leave the day after tomorrow. When that day came I wasn’t ready to go see my mother. I had no idea what she was like, how she looked or anything. When we arrived at her house my dad parked the car and I got down he didn’t come down because where he parked was reserved parking only. I replied by telling him I will wait here for him, he said you go in and I’ll meet up, but she doesn’t know me or that we are here. He said you are her daughter and she won’t forget you. I knocked on her door no answer, I waited for a few minutes and rang the doorbell. She said is that you and I replied who is me. She said come here my youngest daughter. I gave her a hug but still wasn’t sure if she was my mother. I asked her how did you know it was me. She said I will never forget you, or the way you looked. I said thank you I appreciate that. When I was looking at my mom I didn’t feel too safe because I didn’t know her. My dad said that it is fine this house is just like your house except smaller and this is your first time in it. But when I was looking at my mom I noticed that she was very pretty. She had thick brown hair that was down to her half her back, also she had big brown eyes, and a clear face. My dad told me that we looked alike but when I looked really close I didn’t see a resemblance. My dad was getting along very well with her like she was there next to him the whole time while I was there looking around wondering what I should do. My dad told me everything is going to be fine, but I still asked him if we can leave, he told me ok right in the morning because I am not going to drive now because it is too late. So I went to sleep on the coach while they were talking. When I woke up the next morning and I was the only one awake. So I stayed on the coach for an extra hour, then my mom woke up and said good morning I said the same thing back to her. She asked what did I eat I told her nothing I wasn’t in the mood to. She told me ok let me make you breakfast. I told her thank you but no thanks. She said you have to eat because you are going to be here for a while. I looked at her with a questioned looked and said umm ok. When my dad walk up I told him are you ready to leave and he said yes let me just make some coffee and we will be on our way. When we were saying bye my mom told my dad to stay here for a few extra days because she wants to know me. When my dad told me this I was shocked and told my mom thank you, you are so sweet and then said well if you wanted to know me, you wouldn’t have left me when I was only a year old. She said I had too, i.. I interrupted her saying you didn’t have to do anything you wanted to leave, nobody told you to. She said I guess you are right but I have to know you better than just one night here, people told me that you are like me by a lot. I told her no I am nothing like you because I won’t leave my child when they are only one years old or at anytime because if I didn’t want them I would never had had them. I then walked out of the house telling my dad I will be in the car for whenever he is ready because I can’t stay in this house no longer. I was out in the car for half an hour waiting for somebody to come, my mom then came and opened the door before I can lock it. She said I am sorry for everything that I have done to hurt you, I said you can say your sorry a million times but I don’t know if I can forgive you. She said I wont know how you feel because nobody has ever left me before. Well then where would you get this idea from, I was saying to myself then I said it out loud and waited for an answer, but there was nothing. I waited for an extra five minutes and told her I am waiting for an answer and she said I can’t say. I got out of the car and walked to the house and said come on we got to talk, I was then saying in my head I feel that I am the boss here today and no matter what happens there is a reason for everything. When we sat in the room and talked I told her okay tell me exactly why you left. She said I… I had to, keep going I said. She then told me that she had to because she couldn’t stand the way she was living there so I said it doesn’t have to do anything about your friends and having problems. She froze and said no why would you think that.  I stood up and said one of you guys are lying either you or my dad and my dad has never lied to me in my life, and she said yes he did. I repeated and said name one time he did lie to me. She said at the funeral you thought that that was your mother and it wasn’t. I said he never lied to me I just never asked, and there’s no point on saying something if nobody asked for your opinion. After a few minutes I said so you want to tell me the real reason why you left or should I walk out, she said take a seat. When I sat down it was very occurred because nobody said anything. I got up and she started talking. she then added that she had to leave because nothing was working out the way it was supposed to be. When I had you I thought that I would be so happy to have another girl, but everything I wanted disappeared. I asked her why I am lost I don’t understand. She said your two sisters and brother got annoyed how you kept crying and I gave you all the attention instead of them. When you turned one we made you a big birthday party and invited all of their friends. All their friends didn’t hang out with them and was with you. When we went home we watched it over and they said we want to see ours and then we said we didn’t make a party for you. They started complaining and then they became mad at me. I told them that when they get older they will understand. They asked me to tell them now so I told them that we didn’t have enough money to make you guys a party. I then added so they got mad at you for giving me stuff they couldn’t get and I got all the attention that they aren’t/ didn’t get, and you couldn’t handle everything that was going on. So everything revolved around me so when they got old enough to take care of themselves and me you left. She said I guess your dad is right you are smart. I said thank you and walked away while she was tearing up, when I was at the door going to walk out I finally seen that she really cares. I went back gave her a hug and said thank you for everything you did but I’m not sure if I need you. She then corrected me and said I never wanted to come back I love it here and am comfortable here alone. Something in my mind told me that she wasn’t saying the truth. My dad and I stayed one more night and I had a dream that my mom was cheating on my dad, I woke up in a sudden flash and went up to her room and she wasn’t there. I looked at the clock and it was three a.m. When I looked around the house she was nowhere to be found. I said if she is out with another guy I am going to kill well not really kill just get more mad at her. I then took my dad’s phone and called her I heard someone in the background saying hurry I up, I asked her where she was and she said I am up stairs I said that’s a lie because I am standing in your room and you aren’t anywhere to be found, I repeated the question and said where are you and then somebody took the phone and said none of your business little girl and said go to bed so we can finish what we started. I went back to sleep and woke up around 10:30 and everybody was awake, my dad said good you’re awake! I asked him why are you glad that I am awake, he said because someone is coming over. I said ok while I was eating my cereal I heard a knock on the door I told my dad and then mom. I went to go get changed. When I came out I introduced myself and he then said nice to meet you, his voice sounded very familiar and I asked my dad have we ever met him and he said no they work together. I then started thinking and his voice reminded me of the voice that was on the phone when I called her. I started to believe that my mom was on to me because after he went home I got a note on my suitcase saying I know that you know from unknown. I was getting a little scared but I didn’t know what to do. I was going to go tell my dad but on the back it said don’t tell anybody but me. So I was walking around thinking but nothing. I called up my sister and I told her the story and she said yeah I got something that says the same thing when I visited her and my other sister too. The next two days me and my sisters stayed in contact, they didn’t get anything except for me and it kept saying I know you know I know you know. After these started coming daily I insisted to my dad that we leave as soon as we can, which was the next day. When I arrived I called up my sister but she didn’t answer, so I called up my other one but she didn’t answer, I was getting worried. So the next day I decided to go with my dad to his store and help him out, but while we were going to open up there was a note on the door that stated “ I’m sorry I have to say this but you can’t open this store today because she knows and told.” My dad then looked at me and I got scared saying who is this and started to cry. My dad insisted that I told him what was going on, after I told him everything I knew about my mom and all the notes I got. My dad started asking me questions and the one that he kept repeating was why didn’t I tell my mom? I told him that it said not to tell anybody and- but he interrupted saying “BUT IF YOU WERE GOING TO TELL SOMEBODY MUST HAVE WELL JUST ASKED YOUR MOM WHAT IT WAS AND FROM WHO”? I then told my dad she isn’t my mom, and she never will be, then I walked away to the car. I didn’t start to cry even though I felt that I really had too but I had to prove to my dad that I wasn’t afraid to say what was really on my mind. He then came in the car and started to drive for at least half an hour we didn’t say anything but he then said “I get what you are saying but one day she won’t be her.” I didn’t say anything at first but then I said “it doesn’t matter if she isn’t going to be here one day because she wasn’t here for the majority of my life.”  He got frustrated and started to scream, the only thing that I really remember was that he said “you don’t get to control your life that isn’t your duty you still aren’t old enough to make your own decisions.” Then I started to cry because my dad never screamed at me before. After we got home he said stay in the car, I didn’t question him because I was scared I was going to get screamed at again. Next thing you know he came out with two suitcases, one that had my name and one that had his name, I said where are we going he said no time for questions just relax. After an hour or two in the car I got bored so I put my headphones in and fell asleep. My dad woke me up and said “come on lets go” I seen my sister Sarah outside and I was curious to know if this was her house because I never seen her house or anybody else’s house before because I never wanted to leave my “so called” mother. When we went in she showed me around telling me the room I am going to sleep in and stuff. I really liked her house it was big with four bedrooms and three bathrooms. The room I was sleeping in was like my dream room it was big, had its own bathroom and the bed is a princess bed, well that is what I call it. After I went in to go get changed my dad said wait lets go get some dinner. So we went and instead of driving we walked, it wasn’t far it was like fifteen minutes walking. Well we went out and the food was so good. I got chicken Alfredo with broccoli. While we were there my dad asked my sister the normal questions, like how’s everything and stuff. When we went home my sister asked me questions like how’s life and how did you find your mom and all that stuff that I really didn’t care a lot about. Well then when we got into the information like why is it when only us girls go we get a note, or some kind of clue. I then said it’s probably because we are the only one that is closer to our mom. Everybody agreed, I then asked my sister the first day you got the note did you have a dream that same morning about mom cheating on dad, she said yeah how did you know. I said because I had the same dream and woke up at three a.m. and she wasn’t there but when I called her this guy took the phone and said go to bed little girl so we can finish what we started. After a few minutes my sister said do you have the notes with you and I said yes. She said okay take them out and put them in order when I did that my sister was on the phone with Ericka, I only heard a few words but I got the majority of what they were saying which was come over we all have to talk and bring all the notes that you got when you went over to moms house. After a few minutes Sarah went in her room and got a book that had words all over it saying don’t touch, don’t open, privacy of Sarah, respect the privacy and all type of stuff like that. My other sister then came in with another book that said almost the same thing as Sarah’s and another book that didn’t say anything on it. After I got the notes in order they gave me a book and I placed all of the notes in there, and made sure that it stayed in the order. After we each read the notes to each other it was exactly the same. I then asked what and where does mom work and they said in a paper factory. I was like okay I started writing these stuff down because I am getting really annoyed and I want to know who is writing this to us. I then said how long has mom been working there and they said the first time we got the note which was about five months ago. Then I said okay so if she has only been working there for five months that means that if she is the one to write the notes she wouldn’t be that smart to find the DNA on it. Everybody looked at me with a puzzled look and then looked at each other and said what does working at a paper factory have to do with anything about writing on the note, I then said think about it and give me your best answer. After they all realized that while you work in a paper factory you actually learn about paper and stuff like that so that means if mom was really the one to write the letter then she might know the tricks but because it’s only been about a year to two years she might now know everything. I then remember that my sister would always watch like the criminal shows and how the police find out stuff so I then asked her to tell me everything and anything that she remembers about them so it can help us find it out. I then started to write everything down to see if anything can help us. Some stuff we needed like the material that the police and FBI only have so I decided to first take it to the police so they can figure it out but the note said don’t tell so my sisters both said NO. I tried to convince them by saying we can get to the bottom of this and get it over and done with but then Ericka then said yeah we do want to get this over and done with but the guy that you meet there works for the cops. I then had a puzzled look on my face and said but when I was there she and dad said that they work together. My sister other sister Sarah said yeah that is what I was told. I then thought for a little bit and said cant we go down to the police station and ask if this works here so we can see and if he does then we won’t ask them to check the paper but if he doesn’t then we can give it to them and find out everything. Everybody agreed and said ok off to the police station, while in the car we were joking around and acting like five year olds while the cops came behind us.

                Man my heart was pounding like crazy and I said why he would pull us over. My sister was like I don’t know, then Ericka was like dad were you speeding and he said no but when the police came he knocked on the door and said where are you off to? My dad was like to be honest to the police station, the police did a little giggle and said why, did someone get arrested? So as you can see dad got mad and the police was just making jokes.