10/06/2014A Chapter by akutasameAn MS let me now that it is time to go. Simple “good luck today” from Alex. I feel ready, I know how hard I worked for it, but the anxiety is even worse than the first time I took exams. Much more at stake now, if I fail this, everything I did for the past year, from saving up money to developing love for numbers would be for nothing. At least I didn’t wait until I was in my mid twenties to cut my hair to something more fitting for a young male. I wonder if I will see her today. In reality I knew she was going to be there. I remember her telling me she aced exams and got degree in four years, standard. But so much has changed then when I previously lived this part of my life. I would have been second year of my studies. What if the decision has some kind of butterfly effect and completely changes where she wants to be? Guess I’ll just have to wait and see. The thought that what I was doing was pathetic couldn’t leave my mind. I am sure if I told someone and they believed me they’d call me insane and unable to let go. And I would agree with them. Except the past year has taught me a lot about myself and how much a person can achieve by setting their mind onto something. It showed me new sides of me, the same sides she loved in the future me. I just never let them out, because I never focused on them and I never felt confident about them. I also thought about her boyfriend back in the future. Thinking whether I would be stealing his future by doing this. But she was unhappy, in a way I justify it by telling myself that even if we cannot work out as a couple even in this life, then at least she won’t go through what we went. The pain we both felt, the suicidal thoughts. Maybe at least we won’t be a screwed in the head as we were and will be able to find happiness separate of each other. Not the idea I like entertaining, but in a way I would at least be at peace knowing I had a real chance, without other circumstances getting in the way. “Jake Abbot?” the clerk called out handing me back my ID card. “Yeah that’s me!” “Seat thirty-five,” she said pointing her finger at the very last row of seats. “Let me give you a little advice. If you are that absent minded during the exam you’ll fail.” “Thank you!” I smiled. She didn’t realize I was more focused than ever, my eyes were just wandering looking for one thing. If two months of working together, with no contact was hard, this feeling was impossible to deal with. A whole year, and at this point of my life we don’t even know each other. In a way, what happened is even more cruel. In the future at least maybe, one day she would have called me, and if I were still stuck on her maybe we’d have a chance. But now? We don’t know each other, we are complete strangers. Everything has to start from the very beginning. I have to choose words carefully. How does one explain how he knows so many details about someone’s life if they blurt them out by accident? I really hate myself for this, I am making it harder for no reason. Taking my seat I looked around, all seats taken, except the one next to me, creating a rather noticeable void in an otherwise crowded room. What are the chances? I guess I changed too much of the past and it rippled across to her. Loud knock broke the silence and my chain of thought. “I am sorry I am late, bus broke down, they said it was ok for me to join because you didn’t start!” I didn’t need to look up. The tone, the speed at which she spoke, taking a deep breath before she even started, then saying million things in that one breath. I felt my heart sinking. This was so unnatural, I actually wanted to run away. All the plans of simply acting as usual felt like a pipe dream. And did it really have to be the seat next to mine. She sat down, drops of sweat adorning her face like rain drops on the windows. It was obvious she ran as fast as she could to make it in time, and at summer heat that couldn’t have been an easy task. She pulled out everything needed for exam on the table, but kept rummaging through her bag. I could notice her wiping sweat and licking her lips. She forgot her water bottle. She had a habit of being slightly late, I drove her few times to work. I don’t t think we ever met at agreed time. I reached with my hand and pushed mine over, without turning my head towards her. I wasn’t trying to look cool, I simply couldn’t. If I just as much gazed upon those mountain pasture green eyes, I would lose my mind right here. And I was afraid I would not feel the warmth I did in my previous life. She hesitated to take it. “It’s okay, I don’t drink much water anyway, brought it just in case.” “Thanks.” she whispered. Exam went on fine and I was pretty confident I nailed it and would be at the top of the list, and with my decent grades from high school I would have enough points to qualify for the free education. I also knew she would already. But she didn’t know it. She was sitting on the bench in the courtyard frantically speaking on the phone about the exam exercises. I tried avoiding her noticing me, but the bench was along the road and there was no way around it. “Hey!” she called out. There was no pretending I didn’t hear it. She was a loud person. Whenever we were in the bar or anywhere else everyone could hear her part of conversation with me. But that never stopped her. “Thanks for the earlier!” she said approaching me. I was considerably taller than her, at least a full head length. Looking down I finally caught a glimpse of her eyes. Those were not the same eyes I knew. Still just as beautiful, but they lacked the tiredness and sadness they had when I first met them. Hell these eyes were even more beautiful. “I am Lorelei by the way.” Swallowing the spit that built up in my mouth from all the nervousness I kept containing, words barely left my lips, “Jake.” At first I wanted to escape but now, I couldn’t allow myself to blow my chance at making a genuine connection. My heart pounded in my chest to a point I felt like it was going to pierce the bones and just drop right there on the street.. I couldn't let my nerves ruin this for me. It felt so wrong, yet so right. Lorelei tilted her head, fixating her eyes on mine. "Jake, huh? Well, nice to meet you. I hope we both did well. This whole entrance exam thing is nerve-wracking, isn’t it?" I nodded, trying to muster a confident smile. "Yeah, it definitely is. But I am sure you did just fine.” I was careful to make it sound like I was unusually confident. “Do you have any plans to celebrate afterward?" She laughed, something I rarely witnessed in my previous life. It was familiar, but more sincere and somewhat new. "Honestly? I was just planning to crash at home and sleep. But maybe I should wind down a bit and relax.” I grabbed the opportunity. It was now or never. "Well, how about grabbing a coffee or something? You know, just to unwind a bit. My treat." Lorelei's eyes sparkled with amusement. "Are you asking me out, Jake? After I already took your water?" She chuckled. "You must be a pretty confident guy." I felt a blush creep up my neck. "Just trying to be friendly," I said, though my voice betrayed my nerves. Before it felt so much easier taking that first step. We built up connection on the common ground, and one thing simply led to another. But this was so much harder. "Friendly, huh?" She studied me for a moment before nodding. "Sure, why not? Let's get that coffee." We walked to a nearby café, the conversation flowing more naturally as we went. I was careful to let her lead, not wanting to reveal how much I already knew about her. We talked about mundane things�"favorite subjects, our high schools, our plans for the future. It felt surreal, hearing this all over again, but with the weight of my past life’s knowledge. It was especially eye opening knowing how it all turned out. None of the plans she laid out ever came through. For either of us. As we sipped our drinks, Lorelei leaned back in her chair, looking more relaxed. "So, Jake, you seem like you down to earth and mature guy. Any tips for surviving university?" I chuckled, thinking about my previous experience and how I barely scrapped by. "Stay organized, don't procrastinate too much, and find a good group of friends. They'll help you get through the tough times." "Sounds good." She smiled. "I'll keep that in mind." We spent the next hour chatting, the initial awkwardness melting away. It was easy to see why I had fallen for her before. She was smart, funny, and had a warmth that drew people in. As the sun began to set, we decided to part ways, exchanging numbers before we did. "Thanks for the coffee, Jake. I had a great time." "Me too, Lorelei. Let's do this again sometime." She nodded, her smile lingering as she walked away. I watched her go, feeling a mix of hope and anxiety. This was just the beginning, and I had to tread carefully. I wanted to build something real, something lasting, without the mistakes of the past. Over the next few months, we grew closer. Our study sessions turned into late-night conversations, and our coffee dates became regular. I learned to navigate the fine line between sharing enough to connect with her and holding back to avoid seeming too forward or knowledgeable. I almost completely adjusted to being another ordinary nineteen-year-old guy. All the wisdom I built over the years had disappeared. One evening, as we walked through the park, Lorelei stopped and turned to me, her expression giving away that something serious was going through her head. "Jake, can I ask you something?" "Of course." "Do you ever feel like you're living someone else's life? Like, no matter what you do, you're just following a script?" Her question took me by surprise. In a way, everything so far has felt like that. I got reminded again that I have had all these experiences. And in a way I was influencing her future. Perhaps I was robbing her of her free will. "What do you mean?" She looked up at the sky, her eyes reflecting a distant sadness. "I don't know. Sometimes I feel like there's more to life than this, like I'm meant for something different. Do you ever feel that way?" I took a deep breath, the weight of my past and present colliding. "Yeah, I do. But I think it's because we're always searching for meaning, trying to figure out where we fit in. Maybe it's not about following a script but writing our own story." Lorelei smiled, her eyes meeting mine. "I like that. Writing our own story." As we continued our walk, I felt a sense of calm settle over me. Maybe this was my second chance�"not just to be with her, but to truly live my life the way I wanted. To write my own story, with Lorelei by my side. And for the first time in a long while, I felt hopeful about the future. © 2024 akutasame |
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Added on June 10, 2024 Last Updated on June 10, 2024 Tags: romance, time travel, slice of life Author
akutasameNis, Nisavski, Serbia and MontenegroAboutI am 18, I want to be the writer, which is why I am here. English is not my native language, but I speak it well and I write in English, mostly since that's world number 1 language plus I practice it .. more..Writing
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