Marriage

My "rant" on marriage inspired by something I read here recently. Well, that... and life in general.

 

Marriage should be a partnership I think.

It’s okay to have a designated leader in the marriage, an alpha, usually the male. That’s fine. But still it should be a partnership where both parties have equal input and both opinions have equal importance. And the alpha decides unilaterally only when the other partner, the beta, doesn’t have a strong opinion. Or the decision, whatever it happens to be, doesn’t affect both.  

 

 

 

I know different cultures have different views about this. I guess that’s okay too. But what really troubles me, whatever the culture, is when the female is treated like property. And when the male calls the shots about everything. The when, the where, and the how. The time, the place, and “the schedule”, for everything in the marriage. That really grieves me. That’s how it was with my parents. I watched that for too many years. And I’ll never forget my mom’s frequent black eyes from “falling down”. I guess dad expected us to believe that. That’s one thing I’ll always remember about him. That’s his legacy.

 

I’ve always had great respect for women and I think they have the most difficult roles in the marriage. They are expected to keep up the house, bear and raise the children, prepare the meals, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, etc., etc., etc. All this in addition to their career or their job outside the home that is almost essential in today’s expensive world. And all the man is expected to do is keep the oil changed in the car, watch football, and announce when he’s ready for... well, you get the idea.

Now I know some of you guys are asking “so where’s the problem?”

For me the problem is that often the family dog is treated better than the wife. That drives me nuts! Women are absolutely the coolest thing God created. They are His masterpiece! They are typically smarter, more patient, more understanding, more compassionate, and better educated. Oh, and they are usually drop-dead gorgeous and smell better as well.

 

I’m not saying men should cower behind the skirts of their wives and cater to their every whim. I’m just saying that life is just too short to not realize the amazing value of women. Their strength and intelligence is under-appreciated and most men need to get a clue.

 

If she wants to be beta in terms of the marriage then that’s great. But she is not property, nor an indentured servant. She is strong and powerful and delicate and fragile and giving and needing all at the same time. She is all of that, and so much beyond that. Men need to realize what God has given them in their wife. Men need to treasure the perfect creature standing at their side!

Reviews

[Carole]

AMEN to this brother! I love your thoughts or beliefs on both partners having imput in the marriage. I have always believed in a partnership and mutual submission so to speak. I love the way you presented that...

My husband and I have been doing a study on the book "Love & Respect" by Eggerichs & it has been phenomenal. Your view is right in line with what we have been studying. This book explores the concept of men needing respect first and foremost, while women need love in an equal measure.

Your heart really comes to the fore front in this piece. You sound like a "model husband." I don't know too many women that wouldn't want you describe.

I am glad you took the time to speak out about this. I am sorry I never read it before. :-(

My hat is off to you, dear sir....

Carole

[Marie Anzalone]

I have been engaged four times, never married. There was a different reason each time I decided to end it, but most of my failed realtionships boiled down to this: I worked too damn hard to get where I am in my career, and in life, for someone to come in and tell me what to do. I am finally, at age 35, living with someone who wants me to be who I am supposed to be, first and foremost. I say that for any woman to do any less is to sell herself short. Of course, that means more women taking responsibility for their own emotional and financial security, and that is something we just do not teach our children.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

first~ you are the rarity amongst many~ this is a perfect example~ in relation to your revelation about your own sire~ that we are NOT DOOMED to repeat the errors of our parents~ which of course is the easy blame out for the ones with the hard fists and harder hearts with no give who contsantly justify their own brutality and mindset by placing blame at the feet of those who reared them~ which of course is nonsense~ as adults we have the choice~ once out from under the parents' roof~ how we chose to be and act and live our lives~

that being said~ I think media has contributed significantly to the schizophrenic atmospehere of gender roles in the past twenty years or so by overthinking and disassembling gender differentitations ad nauseum until people have come to actually believe the nonsense~ women are expected to carry the w***e/madonna role without complaint and men have been so devalued in the role of parenting and spousal responsibilities they've all but given up and becoome dependent and irresponsible little boys who never grew up~ in a world where sex is considered to be a simplistic pastime and ladies are tossing their sexuality all over the place and gentlemen are taught from the get go that the ultimate conquest is the pu**y without connecting the person to the genitalia and as much of it as they can get~ well hell~ the basic and most essential necessity between partners has gone straight to hell~that necessity being RESPECT~
fantastic and powerful poetic~ a must read for for both genders of all ages~thank you for directing my attention here~

[Winter McPherson]

Wow! Bravo! You've just made my top ten list......
It's so great to see someone who was raised in an environment as yours to come out of it with a totally different perspective and values.
If all men were like you the world would certainly be a different place.
Good write...

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

I wish my husband would have been such a loving compassionate man, he learned to be abusive from his upbringing and the cycle continued throughout our lives together. I was fortunate enough to get out after 20 years. I believe he couldn't respect me because he had such low self esteem and disrespect for women in general. He even was mean to our dog at times. It was a very sad situation and I am glad it is over. Thank you for sharing. An exceptional write. Debileah

[LadyLove]

OK...this is definitely going in my favorites. Finally...another man on earth who knows how important we are! About freaking time! Why do we women have to see a hundred and two hundred more before the one or two surface....and often too late! Oh, but I do have one who values me...thank goodness! Just in time too! Geez...your lady is lucky to have you! And I give her a bow for finding you! Great piece! Yes!!!

[Emily B]

Wow! I have to thank you for your words. A well-said reminder for men and women about our roles in life.

[Kelly Scheppers]

You should be bronzed! Now THIS is required reading!

My best,
Kelly

[Kelly D. Burris]

This is so awesome to see a guy write! It's about time. Sharing everything together is what it's about. These days household and work are something the both of us share along with the kids. It's really difficult at times when only one is bringing the income in, so baring a nervious breakdown, it's beast to share it all. Think that's the way it was intended....:)
Thanks for sharing....I mean ranting....
Kelly

[An Ordinary Woman]

Thank You.

I agree so much with a lot of what you are saying and I realize I am considered old fashion, but it is my choice to be the way that I am. I enjoy cooking and cleaning, etc., etc BUT I also enjoy making decisions and being heard and a respected figure in my household. I wonder at this point how much water my opinion carries when my divorce was final a year ago this past December. I think it should further drive home my point about being a respected member of the household. That failed in my marriage and therefore I ended the marriage.
I have been in abusive relationships and so I understand that too. It took me a long, long time to get to the place I am at now and I won't trade it for anything. Life is still hard and I still have things to learn, I suspect I always will. I really have no complaints other than occasional loneliness and the like. Life is pretty good.

I really rambled there, sorry. I do that when the writing is good and I can relate to it and this writing is excellent. Thanks for it.