Thoughts Thought

Wouldn't it be nice to have all your thoughts cleared up for you...

                I’ve tried everything to stop it.  It doesn’t go away.  It never goes away.  Sleeping, staying awake, eating, starving myself, screaming, not speaking at all, and running into a wall; I’ve tried it all.  It doesn’t go away.  It never goes away.

                Or should I say, they never go away.

                I had thought it to be useful at first.  You know, always having someone to tell you what to do.  Most people would think that’d be nice.  But no.  It’s not nice.  It’s horrible.  You might think you want it, but I’m telling you, you don’t.

                It started on the evening of December 23, 1967…

 

                James practically pranced down the street.  New York had Christmas spirit alright.  The streets were lined with lights flashing the brilliant colors of red and green, and specks of snow beautifully drifted down and melted in miniscule pools of cold water when they landed on your body.  The faint sound of carolers in the distance provided a cheery tone to the dark night.

                James grinned.

                Much better here than in LA, eh?  Looking forward to seeing your nephews?

                James paused.  He glanced around himself.  There was not a single person in sight, but he was sure he had heard someone speak very loudly and clearly, too.  Slowly, the sound of the singing carolers faded away, leaving the area of the city in almost complete silence.

                Ho ho ho!  Chill out, James!  I’m just your thoughts, not some silly stalker.

                “Whoever you are, this isn’t funny!” James yelled.  He was answered with total and eerie silence.

                See?  It’s just you and me!  Or should I say, you and your thoughts.

                James was perplexed, angry, scared, and confused.  Thoughts? He didn’t know what to do…so he ran.

                Silly, silly, silly.  Don’t run.  I go wherever you go.  I experience whatever you experience.  I’m YOU!  You don’t have to be confused anymore!  You won’t not know what to think!  Because everything will be cleared up…by me.

                Don’t listen to him James.  He’s a fraud,  A fake!  Ya hear me?

                Great.  A second one?  James shook his head and kept on running.  What was he to do about this?  James sped up his pace.  His foot slipped in the snow and he fell forward in surprise.

                Haha!  Klutz!

                James’ face struck the freezing snow hard and it sent a burning pain to the left side of his face.

                Hey.  You alright?

                 Hey, man, let’s talk.

                James winced.  Great.  His head was throbbing even more than before now.  But there was no time to think.  He had to move.

                Exactly.  No time to think!  I think for you!

                Listen, James.  We can really help you if you listen to us.

                Tell him!

                Behind you, James.

                James turned, but it was too late.  An arm struck his neck and planted him firm against the wall.

                “Give me your wallet,” a man of about 6 feet snarled.  James felt a gun press to his stomach.  It made him feel sick.

                A legitimate person.  James just wished it wasn’t a mugger.

                You know what to do.

                “Shut up!” James yelled.

                “What’d you say!?”  The man pushed the gun into James’ stomach harder.  James was sweating even in the cold snowy night.

                James, you see the rock, but you’re not taking notice.  You know what to do.

                You know what to do.

                Do it, James.  You know what to do.

                You don’t even have to think!

                James didn’t think.  He just pushed the man away, bent down, grabbed the crudely shaped rock at his side and stood up.  He swung once, twice, three times, and it was done.  The mugger fell to the street without a sound.  He wasn’t sure if the man was dead, but he was certainly close.

                See, just go with my flow and you’ll be FINE!

                I think he’s scared.

                James just stood in his tracks speechless.

                The sound of carolers started to be able to be heard again: “’Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la…”

                After that night I just ran.  I couldn’t go to my sister and nephews’ house like this.  I just couldn’t.  These thoughts.  They don’t go away.  They never go away.  No one can understand me.  Everyone thinks I’m crazy.  They’ve all abandoned me.  Everyone.  It’s just me alone with my thoughts.  Sometimes I just think- Thanks, but you’re thinking too much!  I’ll take over from here!