Excerpt - Grief

Not a full story by any means. Just a little experimentation with my writing style. I'm looking to improve so review and critique would be appreciated.

The gleam of the boy’s eyes should have been tinted with a glassy, limpid kind of coat. But as typical as tears had to be in a time like this, it felt like it would be the most unnatural thing in the world.

“As we mourn deeply and vastly �" truly �" for the loss of such an incredible young man, we are reminded that our grief is not a journey made in solitude. While it may seem that way now and forevermore, we lose the loves in our lives every day. We can choose to be strong and hide the pain that gnaws so relentlessly and entirely �" hiding sultry like scars of war and ramping virulent like the plague.”

No matter the weight that the words carried and no matter the deep inflection of the priest’s experienced voice, Roman, the boy, couldn’t comprehend the desperate necessity for tears.

“But for those most unfortunate, and for those fate has decided to punish further, we cannot hide the tears that swell behind the numbing memories and holes that now exist within us. We have no choice but to stagnate, flounder helplessly like snowflakes upon still water. Forced like trench soldiers to weather frustrating inevitability, under veils of sorrowful cavalry and emotional infantry.”

The death had killed him. He stood by that wholeheartedly. Tears, he felt, would only do their part in destroying him.

“We are saddened that we will only ever be granted a glance at a corpse that seems an imposter in our loved one’s body. We yearn to chase these wicked conmen from their cruel masquerades because we can’t handle the silence, the stillness. We can’t handle the lack of vibrance in their eyes nor the lack of life in their breaths. I don’t think any one of us could. We are thankful for their heavy-lidded eyes and an absence of husky exhale despite our desire for that, and only that, to be back with us again.”

Yet, that’s what Roman wanted more than anything in the world.

“In the morning, when the reality of our mourning becomes clearer and clearer by each passing second since wake, we have our own choices to make. We should be thankful that death hasn’t brought down it’s might upon us. We should be thankful that we have not yet needed to heed that threat, expectation, or promise of, and that, I believe, is the reason we must persevere the whims and pleasures that death acts so abruptly upon. We must remain strong for if not, I also believe, would be an insult to their memory.”

Shamefully, more so than the life of Dante. Roman would’ve been attacked for that. He could picture the cheeky tone of his dear friend too vividly in his mind.

“We find ourselves caught between the raw pain of our loss and the enduring memory of the one we’ve lost. Our thoughts may drift through the meaning of their death, but for now, we celebrate a boy who was fiercely honorable and unwaveringly loyal, through everything but beyond the end.”

Author's Note

You'll notice that there are two main parts: a dialogue, which is spoken by a priest, and an internal thought train of sorts by the character we recognize as 'Roman'. I've tried to make the internal thoughts connect but because of the descriptive density of the dialogue, the meaning of those can be somewhat muddled so I ask for you to read just the internal thoughts after finishing. This way, you can recognize Roman's thought process during the speech as it is very important.