Clothes (Funny Hoe Things Work Like That)

I have a habit of stealing the clothes of

People who I love with every bit of my fragmented soul

I have some shirts from the first girl I ever loved

Before I knew there were orientations

Other than straight or gay

And I was terrified - I didn't want to be one of those freaks

Who got beat up in the girls locker room

She was the first person I made a home out of - I felt less alone

I was being choked by the firm hands of an unseen force that only I could feel

She told me to be unafraid

For if I died I'd be at peace but if I survived I'd be damn proud

She was the first person I willingly showed my scars to

She's now living in Missouri

She likes pot a bit too much nowadays

Recently she deleted me off Facebook

I haven't heard from her since Sophomore year

Funny how things work like that

In my possession I have the tattered remains of a sweatshirt from the first boy I poured the tiny amount of happiness I had into

The invisible force that began plaguing me years earlier also grabbed hold of him

I didn't want him to be like me

He deserved the sunshine of the Sahara while I deserved the torrential downpours of the rainy season in the Himalayas

Self hatred's burning fury destroyed him

I loved him so ferociously

And I still wasn't enough

Funny how things work like that

I now stand here

Marks lingering reminding me of how heartbreaking fatal sadness is

And faulty lungs reminding me that heartache is not only felt in my head

But it has now wormed its way into my chest

I miss them so damn much

Like an abandoned mill town

I have now become a wasteland

The only proof that I have loved

Are the clothes I wear so much

People think they're mine

Funny how things work like that

Reviews

[MaidenNamedLenore]

I love the imagery in the second stanza with the Sahara and the Himalayas. The self hatred part is fantastic. Too bad that heart ache is something that you feel in the body and not just the mind. I love it. :)