asia belle

this one--i dunno

Asia Belle

 

Chapter one

 

            I sat on the window seat, with a lollipop in my mouth. It was raining heavily outside, and it was really boring. Usually, on a Sunday evening like this one, I and Tasha will hang out in the park, playing skateboard. Tasha Shoshanna was a best friend of mine. We were like non-identical and different parents twin sisters. She sometimes as annoying as I am, but luckily we’ll get back together again and said sorry to each other. We’re not used to arguments. Tasha and I have so many things in common, such as skateboarding. We love it eagerly.

            The rain pours heavier from time to time. My head was going to explode. I wanted to use the computer, but unfortunately, mom wouldn’t allow me to. She said, “If I am not at home, not a chance you can use it. Do what you are supposed to do. Clean the house spic and span.” How am I going to clean the house spic and span? Does she think I am her maid?

            But of course, I did clean it. But not so clean. There are some dishes I didn't done yet. We really need a servant of our own. Dad works far away, so I am all alone. It was really sad to not to have my father with me. He was a very kind father. Well which father was a bad one?

            The doorbell in the entrance rings four times and a knock slips in. I was like, puzzled. Mom said she’ll be back in another three hours. She lied. “Coming!” I shrieked. As I open the wooden door, I am so happy, because it wasn’t really mom, it was Tasha!

            “How’d you get here?” I asked and help her with her raincoat. “It was really a bad rain. You could catch a cold.”

            “I’m used to it, Asia,” she smiled. “By the way, I have very big news to tell you.”

            “What is it?” I close the door and brought her to the living room.

            “Tomorrow, our high school will hold a party in the gym. It was going to be fantastic!”

            “Oh, I hate balls,” I switched the TV on.

            “It was not a ball.” She smirked.

            “Well, it’s the same with party. Food, dance,” Tasha stared at me. “Well, except for the apparels.” She is still staring at me. As usual, I changed the topic, “What’s in the TV to-dday?”

            She seemed tired to say a thing. Tasha went to the kitchen. “Asia, I’m hungry. Can I explore the fridge?”

            “Sure. We got everything. There’s a chocolate cake and peppermint-fudge we bought yesterday. Bring it here,” I shouted. “And also lots and lots of chocolate and milk.”

            “I love your fridge,” she said, bringing them in front. She smiled broadly. “Hey, did you notice the boy next door? He was so cute!”

            “He was a Korean human.” I said and stare at her. Amy loves Korean guy. He said their faces were carved by pure angels from the pure heaven. Especially the eyes. She was really sick.

            “That’s why,” she mumbles while she bites a bit of the chocolate cake. “And his brother, older brother, was cuter!”

            “Amy, stop it,” I throw a pillow on her face. "I'm sick of hearing it."

            "Watch it!" Tasha cried. A small stain of peppermint-fudge ice cream brushed on her right cheek. "You nearly sabotage my minty-'o'-tower."

            It was true; she made a minty-'o'-tower in the bowl. It wasn't yet so tall; maybe, she'd done it halfway. "Sorry," I said, making a complete begging-'o'-faking face.

            "Whatever," Tasha rolled her eyes. "Anyways, I really want to get to know this Korean guy. He seems--"

            "Wait, wait, lemme guess," I cut in. "different?"

            "Nice," she points her spoon to me. "He seems nice, okay? But, maybe the 'different' thing was a bit true."

            "What if," I said, planning to make Amy happy. "You ask him on a date?"

            Tasha's hazel eyes went huge. "Are you crazy?" she shrieked. "He didn't even know me!"

            "You know, Tasha, you're beautiful. You know you are. You just have to use your beauty to track him up," I suggested. Tasha thought for a while, as if, I'm good in match making.

            "Maybe you're right. I am beautiful," she said, laughing and snorting in a very disgusting way.

            "Whatever, Tasha, but remember about what I'd said just now," I cast a mischievous glance towards Tasha, sending her neck goose bumps.

 

 

            The rain had stopped, I guess, so I headed to the window to look outside. But then I saw Mom, with some older guy in a white car. I can't exactly see who the guy is because it was blurring and fog filled the air. Mom hurriedly went out of the car and stood near it and wave-'o'-bye to the man. Why am I still saying these stupid verses of Tasha's?

            Mom knocked the door four times. It wasn't as if I'm lazy to open the door that makes Mom knocked four times; she knocked it so quickly that made me nearly chocked my other newly-opened-lollipop. I opened the door.

            "Hey, honey," she said and dashed in, wearing a big black coat that looked unfamiliar to me. "How's it going?"

            "What?" I closed the door and stared at her coat. "Who's that you're wearing?"

            She barely glances at me as she took off her coat and put down her bag. "This was Mr. Von Dent's."

            "And, who is this 'Von Dent' guy?"

            "He is not any common guy, okay?" Mom looked at me with her sharp emerald green eyes. "Have you finished your homework?"

            “Yes, Mom,” I answered as I walked to the kitchen to have some ice cream leftovers. But then I thought, who really is this Von Dent? I mean, he's really nice to Mom, sending her home and . . . wait a sec. What about her car?

            “Mom!” I cried in a midst of enjoying my ice cream. As I darted to the front, I heard Mom talking to Dad in the phone.

            “Yes, honey, I know, but just look at Asia,” she cried. “She needs her father to be beside her, all day.”

            Dad mumbles in the phone that sounds just like a cat who wants to meow over clothes to me.

            “No, divorce really is a good idea,” Mom shouted, again, and this time, even more loudly than before.

            What? I thought, Mom wants to divorce with Dad?

            “Can you come here to discuss about this thing?” Mom asked Dad. And again Dad sounded like a cat in the clothes. “Okay, tomorrow, three o’clock, sharp. Great.”

            Mom really wants to divorce with Dad, and that’s why Mom is going out with this Von Dent! I hate this, Mom.

            I hurriedly went upstairs to talk with Tasha in the phone. I thought Tasha could help me. Mom and Dad sometimes do have a fight. They just cannot make it together. And I really think this is a big problem. Sometimes, I heard that having divorced parents are hard. They have to balance their feelings and whatsoever. I think I better stop Mom from divorcing Dad.

            I was just dialing Tasha’s phone number when Mom walked into my bedroom, dashing in without knocking the creaky old door. “Mom, what if I come into your room without knocking?”

            “Asia, why don’t you stop using phone after 9?” Mom teased me back. Well, it was true that Mom always reminds me to not use the phone after 9, but this is important to me. I have to talk to Tasha about the divorce.

            “Ugh, okay,” I mumbled and passed her the phone. She stared at me for a second. “What?” I asked.

            “No, it’s just,” she began. I can feel that there is something in her mischievous smile. “You know something, right?”

            “Something?” I began to, like; shiver as if I’m in Alaska. “Like what?”

            “Divorce?” she raised her brows. Sometimes, Mom does have this clairvoyant kind of soul. She can tell me what’s in my mind, or what I know.

            I shook my head. “What? I don’t know a thing you’re saying. Gosh, I’m sleepy. Goodnight, Mom.” I always like it if I managed to change the topic. But then Mom walked to me, and whispered, “No, honey, your Dad and me are fine.”

Reviews

[ainaaabdul]

hang takley post? bole la. try je. aku un explore sendiri do. try ah sendiri.

[44Neemo]

anna cene hang buat ? aku takleh post pon !

[ainaaabdul]

oh yes! i notice my mistakes, i think i do. hahaha well thank you. i made this story when i was twelve, so maybe thats why it has so many mistakes :P

[Kloud_Nine]

Devorce sucks.

I think its interesting how you've chosen to tell the story from the perspective of a female, quite challenging, hope it goes well. So far it has.

There a few miswordings through this piece but none are big. Also, a few odd sentences that can cleaned up pretty easy. The biggest problem I've noticed is that throughout the entire piece you tend to switch from past tense to present tense and vice-versa, you even wonder into future tense occasionally. (This is mostly in the first paragraph). Along those lines, you also jump from a first person perspective to a third person perspective and vice-versa.

All in all, I really do like this, the dialogue is done well and is, for the most part, blieveable. Also, the interactions between Asia and her friend is done well. Good Job, looking forward to the next...

-k9