Their Tumultuous Feet

The Horses of Disaster plunge in the heavy clay...

Through Night’s thick veils of shadow I hear their clamoring feet
Thundering through the Ages, their glistening heads tossed back,
Trampling down the tarn-lands, viscous, velvet-black,
Hooves crashing in chaos, the heavy, tumultuous beat.
Beloved, let your twin suns nod below the red
Horizon of the West, let your limbs sink into stone,
And your heartbeat steady, slow, while worlds away my own
Heeds the thunderous feet, throbbing, erratic, in dread.

Author's Note

This is decidedly less optimistic response to W. B. Yeats's "He Bids His Beloved Be at Peace." I would recommend reading it first to understand this poem to its fullest extent.

Reviews

[Hoshi Nami]

let me start by saying that i was really excited to see someone refer to Yeat's work, and that i was even more excited to see that it was done excellently. the rhyming was brilliant. i loved how your choice of words were just as powerful but in a darker, fiercer sense.
"Hooves crashing in chaos, the heavy, tumultuous beat. "
i could hear the ground moan and vibrate.
bravo.

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations for winning the As--Goodbye-Descends Contest!

[Charles D. Moorer]

You have managed to capture the rhyme scheme percectly. Yeats would bid his beloved be at peace in the throes of death his heart beat over her heart, and let her hair fall over his breast, drowning love's lonely hour in deep twilight of rest, and hiding their tossing manes and their tumultuous feet, while you let your twin suns nod below the red Horizon of the West, let your limbs sink into stone, and your heartbeat steady, slow, while worlds away your own heeds the thunderous feet, throbbing, erratic, in dread.