Porcelain

The china doll thing's been done to death, but I thought I'd give it a whirl. My life as a perfectionist.

She is as she always was: ceramic.
Sitting high on her shelf in her lacy dress,
pretty and fine and (hiding the deep
fractures in her body from when she fell and
broke in two and) blue, she

smiles down to catch the glance of
they that dwell below the shelf (where
she sits by herself), and they sometimes smile
up, remarking on her (from a distance) perfectly painted
face, which is (fading and yellowed and) so beautiful.

Sometimes they speak of art, of music, of
(things which are not like her or) philosophy,
glancing up to her, occasionally, and then
resume their daily discourse which is (not
like her) mundane as laughter. All the while she

stares down endlessly with her
painted-on eyes that (she lies with and
dies with and) are slightly chipped,
(cracked and apart) but
no less mysterious, and

gazes at the life below and (they are so
beautiful below!  and they know,
they know) oh, she wonders what they
think of her, so high, and (cracked and apart and)
why they are not broken yet.

Did they leap and (as she had, once,) fall and
break in two, and cover up the
cracks (as she does now with cloth so
fine, so blue) and muddle through?
Do they have imperfections too?

Reviews

[lark]

this is definitely gorgeous. the formatting adds almost a frantic feeling ("and this... and this... and this! oh... and this too, and..."). all the little, too-obvious-to-be-said, too-important-to-stay-quiet things that need to be whispered...

Sometimes they speak of art, of music, of
(things which are not like her or) philosophy,
glancing up to her, occasionally, and then
resume their daily discourse which is (not
like her) mundane as laughter.

i love that, mainly because of the first two lines.
mmm...

(honestly, in this contest, nobody is really getting the uglybeautiful part right. this is beautiful, and it's ugly and sad. and it fits what i was asking, and that's not important at all. but i love to read that, and it hurts and it's... beautiful. perfect imperfections, y'know?)

She is as she always was: ceramic.

[Charles D. Moorer]

Simply beautiful! Winner or not

[Omar]

Beautiful.
It just flows so beautifully, the pace and the tempo are very impressive, it really felt like a dance, and the segments you've hidden between parentheses are genius, this may be my crazy interpretation, but from what I understood, the reader could catch a glimpse of the doll's thoughts in those lines, tainted with melancholy yet a painful ray of hope. The reader gets a chance to view life as she sees it, to examine her through the way she percieves her imperfections, the way she conceives life. Anyway, overall this was entertaining, I love fresh ideas!

O

[Emily Elizabeth]

WOW
This is the best china doll thing I've ever read for sure!
A gorgeous piece. Lonely, melancholy and stunning.
So pretty! You have such a fantastic and beautiful way of writing. This is a really moving and tender piece.
Thanks for sharing!