Adam and Evening

For a long time I thought that this was the best poem I've ever written. I don't think that way now, but I'm still kind of proud of it.

 

Long ago I walked with You in Paradise.

Anything I needed, I knew You would provide.

You were so close to me: I wanted nothing else

Than for You to stay forever by my side.

 

Paint the sky with laughter,

Joy – all else will follow after:

Night holds only starlight

And kisses of the moon.

 

You shaped me from the earth

And Your breath became my birth.

 

Long ago I walked alone and I forgot

To heed Your precious warning: my tongue tasted lies.
Your voice became so distant; I just wanted to hide –

How could I have chosen to scar my sacred eyes?

 

Smear the sky with sorrow,

Steal our pride until tomorrow.

Shatter, scatter all Your stars

And color them with tears.

 

I knew of each sweet grace,

Still I trembled at your face.

 

Long ago I ran away from everything I knew,

Driven out by nakedness, fire and shame.

This root of imperfection I cannot redeem:

Now and throughout history, I will take the blame.

 

Shade the sky with darkness:

All that glimmers leaves us hopeless;

Silence each dull star’s lament

Of how Your children fell.

 

We are only mud and breath,

What are we to challenge death? 

Reviews

[Always Changing]

Love, Comfort, Obsess, Eternity. Happiness, Continues, Love, Continues. Creation, Life. Mistake, Betrayal, Lost, Regret. Digress, Humble, Envelope, Sorrow. Love, Fear. Encompass, Distraught, Sorrow. Creation, Cease.

A beautiful canvas of mesmerizing terms at every turn of the words. An old habit of mine when deciphering poetry for the first time I would read each sentence and struggle for one word to fit that sentence. One word that signified that line. I would write each word or emotion I felt down, then read them alone, without anything else and just feel the raw terms out and act upon each emotion as it came to pass, envisioning the poetry in it's skeleton. Afterwards I would read through it once more and then I would taste the flesh. This poem is wonderful and tantalizing. A question of Life and Creation born upon the words of darkening doubt and questioning existence. A wonderful tale and comparable to that of many great stories. Fresh vibrancy and a delicious finishing question. I feel the title does give it justice but I truly think that in the end that this poem is not about death itself but about redemption and guilt. I really enjoyed this piece and will personally favorite it. You are a visionary foremost in a day and age of lost souls. Keep up with this magnificent form of poetry, I expect this will only be a piece of art among a majestic series you have yet to unfold. I'll cut it short here so my review does not end up being longer then your poem. Thanks you so very much for sharing.

[Hoshi Nami]

i really liked this- usually i stay away from anything religious when it comes to poetry, but this had a true and raw beauty that didn't have any religious pressure. you should be proud of it :)