It's Always Never Too Late

Second chances? Second, third, fourth… Does it even matter now that she’s gone? I remember the times I laughed at my best friend when she said that everything reminds her of her ex-boyfriend and that she still couldn't move on. I asked her, “Why is it so hard to forget someone after all the pain he has caused you?” Lourdes just left the room, giving me no answer.

I’m just an average teenager, not that one on the Dean’s List and definitely not that I’m-famous-for-what-I-do one. I barely even have confidence. My world was always revolving around my family and friends until “true love” came. I was 1^st year college when I met Louise. She seemed to be out of my league, but I guess I could say that I did everything to have had her. And so she became my girlfriend. Everything grey turned into red and happiness made its way in my life. Just like in a romantic movie, one of the couple would commit mistakes, in our story it was me who did it. I had all the chance I should’ve grabbed and now she’s gone. There are many regrets that along with pain, I endure. I became too self-centered and lacked contentment. She gave me 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th and even 5^th chance and yet I wasted every piece of it. I guess it was too late to realize that I should change and put her first before anything else. I said sorry to her and yes, she did forgive me but then she told me that she’s already tired… tired of keeping, understanding and loving me. It was the pain that I never thought I’d encounter. There was not a single day that passed without tears on my face. Everything went back to being grey, even worse, into black. Every hour, my ego keeps on blaming me for losing such wonderful person that did nothing but to love all of me. I was so brokenhearted that I lock myself up in “our place” together with the only thing that’s left of our story, the memories. I let myself suffer believing that I should face the consequences of what I've done. This has always been my everyday routine.

Just as the pain was swallowing what’s left of me, here comes the real heroes of my life----- my family. They always try hard to make me happy and they succeed at times but still, I felt that something is missing. One morning, as I was watching my aunt counseling her client about his problem, a thought came up. It’s like life knocked at my door and said that I have to wake up from this nightmare, get what’s left of me and continue my life. It’s like seeing a sign that says, “Life is too short to spend it living in your past! Wake up, Aiken!” Just like what life told me, I got up and walked out of that nightmare. I figured out what has been missing. I just knew what I had to do and what I should’ve done a long time ago. I was right that it’s too late to get her back, but I forgot that it is never too late to do what I had in mind. For once in my life, I just knew the solution to my problem. I realized that it was not Louise that gave me the pain I have been bearing since, it was me. So I decided to free myself from the regrets and pain that locked me up for a long time. To this day, I can tell you that I have already forgiven myself.

It’s been four years since I asked that question to my best friend, Lourdes. Four years and it’s just now that I could tell her that I already understand the silence she answered me that day. There is more to life than what you think. Forgive and forget, if you can’t forget yet just try to forgive. Today, I see my ex-girlfriend with her new boyfriend. I hope he can love her more than I did. It still hurts a little, but I could tell that I am truly happy for her and of course, for myself too.

 

Author's Note

Who can relate? :)

Reviews

[Bobby Madden]

I've lost someone I love before so I can relate. Just fix the run-on sentences like, "Everything went back to being grey, even worse, into black." and "Forgive and forget, if you can’t forget yet just try to forgive." and the subject/verb disagreement like "here comes the real heroes." Cheers!

[Aiken Ylarde]

Thank you buddy! :-)